I wish... I wish I could give someone my thoughts, for just a day, so I could see what you'd make of them.
I feel as though I'm an ant, and I'm trying to eat a moose.
I want to learn. I want to grow. Through the many topics you've seen lately in the blog, the common thread to each and every one is simply this:
I want more of God.
What do you want?
I listened to a preacher last night and the whole summation of his sermon was "When God comes in, you'll see a change."
He talked about Zacchaeus the tax collector and the change that took place in him when he met Jesus. Luke 19.
He talked about two blind men, and the change that took place when they met Jesus. Matthew 9:27-31
And he used specific testimonies from his own life, and the lives of others to illustrate the change that came when Christ came into their lives.
And I found myself looking through the row of Christians around me, people that had already been "changed", and wishing this preacher would admonish us to change still more. I don't want the work He did in me to be a one time thing. He might have been able to speak the word and the perfect paradise appear for the future Adam and Eve, but He didn't speak the word and perfect me.
The bible says He who began a good work in me will be faithful to complete it. But, it's not complete yet. Not by a long shot.
Good things have happened this past week. I've walked out from under the burden of something that I never could have imagined walking out of. I've made obvious steps in getting past something I was nervous that I might never get past. And I've realized how through the last couple of weeks, my thinking on some things has changed, in some very good ways. I've become more content and comfortable with God. I've seen specific areas (besides love) that I need to grow in - among many other things I'm asking God to teach me how to pray.
I've discovered people, and blogs on the internet that have excited me, just to be able to find more people seeking and working in some of the specific things I'm looking at growing in (though I want to clarify that my growth primarily is strengthened in my church, not by the new outside sources God has brought my way).
With all that in mind, I'm wondering, why on earth am I so discouraged?