I'm going to talk about something strange, and personal.
The past month or so has been strange. I'm constantly exhausted, and have a persistent headache that only lets up when I'm able to get a good amount of sleep. But I'm not sleeping well lately because nearly every single night is riddled with nightmares.
Cap that with the fact that I'm working with some unusual people and it's imperative that I be the influence on them and not the other way around. I've been in some unusual situations and odd conversations in the past month an a half that leave me questioning my ability to handle "the world". I long for a safe little cocoon of innocence that doesn't use bad language or talk about inappropriate things.
Cap that with a very obvious absence of Spiritual Inlets - if I can get away with calling it that - a wish to have some kind of church family again. A place where I can go, see the same faces, pray for the same concerns, and listen to someone I respect teach, and to worship with other people that I know.
It's like I'm getting drained and it's harder and harder to fill back up.
But, while you might not relate to the crazy inability to sleep due to odd nightmares, you might relate to the latter feeling. Needs, things, life, all sucking away at your resources and you're not sure where the strength is going to come from for the next battle.
So I want to tell you a story I've been going over and over and over lately. It's only 6 verses, but I'm going to paraphrase it some so hopefully no one skims scriptures...
1 Samuel 30:1-6
David and his men were returning to Ziklag, only to find that their town had been burned, and their wives and children had been taken away by the enemy.
And when the men saw that their wives, sons, and daughters had been taken captive they lifted up their voices as wept until they had no more power to weep.
They wept until they had no more power to weep.
Two of Davids wives were taken, including the much sought after Abigail wife of Nabal.
And David was greatly distressed; for the people spake of stoning him, because the soul of all the people was grieved, every man for his sons and for his daughters: but David encouraged himself in the LORD his God.
David encouraged himself in the LORD his God
Too, too often we wait for someone else to come along and encourage us. We call up friends and family and pastors and deacons and Sunday School teachers saying "help! I need to be encouraged" and while we should encourage one another - we also need to have that ... umph ... within us, the knowledge and power and foundation within us that rises up and speaks to our very soul and says "Soul, I trust in the LORD."
It's not a phone call away. It's a breath. It's just a moment, a whisper away.
So the next time your pastor isn't available for the 3am phone call, or you get bad news and want to talk to your really spiritual friend; encourage yourself in the LORD.
I know how my troubles will end. I don't know when, and I don't know what all will happen, but I know ultimately I'm going to come out of this odd period of adjustment and struggle with a stronger faith and far more practiced at encouraging myself than I ever have been before. I'll be closer to God at the end of this. I'm not even worried about it anymore.
I know I have been bought with a price and I belong to my Redeemer.
I am secure.
Not one sorrow will ever change that.
So quit waiting for other people, and begin speaking your words of faith and courage to your Soul. Speak out. Speak boldly.
Speak TRUTH.
No weapon of the enemy will be able to destroy you. You know how it will end.
Showing posts with label The World. Show all posts
Showing posts with label The World. Show all posts
Sunday, May 02, 2010
Saturday, August 01, 2009
God is on your side.
Instantly, as I typed the title of this post, the traditional religious remark came to mind "God doesn't need to be on your side, YOU need to be on GODS side."
And I'm remembering a recent post someone wrote about how Christians too often think God has done something for them when in actuality God does nothing except for His own glory.
And while initially, arguments like that resonate with me and I tend to agree - I have seen a pattern of things in my life where I was the only one who knew what God did. So the glory He would have received from it would have only come from me. But that means the only reason God does nice things for me is so that I will glorify Him.
That speaks a lot about motivation. He didn't do it because He loved, but because He would be glorified.
I'm horrible about arguing spiritual points simply because someone who has actually studied scripture (as opposed to my read-and-think method) usually knocks my arguments over with verse after verse. And here I sit with only John 3:16.
For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son that whosoever believeth on Him should not perish but have everlasting life.
His motivations are spoken of in that verse. It's typical cause and effect. Because God loved us He sent His Son.
Perhaps I get caught away with an overly emotional view of God but, I can't help but believe that God loves us first, and an effect of that is glory.
All that to tell this story.
I went to a church program this morning. They were giving out school supplies so my sister-in-law and I took the kids by at the invitation of a lady we'd met in the supermarket the night before.
2 hours later, we'd stood waiting, while they blared incredible loud hip hop music through the speakers. We'd watched kids take the stage and do "Dance offs", play multiple rounds of "Let's make a deal", and a fashion show. We'd been subjected to a barrage of sales people - State Farm, Allstate, two different home health agencies, credit card applications, jewelry sales, and 2 different entities wanting to take the kids fingerprints.
I saw a world around me that, while some may have known God, I knew many of them probably didn't - and here, trapped in this large auditorium with an incredible opportunity to tell them of Gods love, they didn't. After 2 hours of waiting, (because they only passed out the school supplies twice an hour to the first 15 people in line) we left mid-fashion show.
I walked away disappointed. Where was God in all this? I was hurt, and more than a little tired because I've been bearing the standard "There ARE Christians, true, God-seeking Christians here in this town." and while I have found them, there are just so many other examples of what Christianity shouldn't be here that it's overwhelming.
I came home, snapped at my family, and told them to go on their plans for the afternoons outing without me. Then, I found my quiet place and tearfully asked God "Where is Your Church?"
I could think of no other question than that. I was angry, disappointed, hurt, tired, frustrated, and a few more synonyms for "upset" that I can't think about right now.
An hour later, my family left on their plans.
30 minutes after that a pastor showed up at my door.
He, and his congregant, wanted to thank us for coming to his church last week and talk to us.
They both sat and talked about biblical things with me for an hour.
I was sorry to see them go.
I believe God had a special timing for that visit, maybe nothing about our unplanned and certainly impromptu stop at their church last week was supposed to mean anything for anyone else but I believe God knew I could use some one to talk to today.
And I think He did it just because He really truly loves me and cares about my needs.
And that's why I wanted to write this - to give Him glory.
And I'm remembering a recent post someone wrote about how Christians too often think God has done something for them when in actuality God does nothing except for His own glory.
And while initially, arguments like that resonate with me and I tend to agree - I have seen a pattern of things in my life where I was the only one who knew what God did. So the glory He would have received from it would have only come from me. But that means the only reason God does nice things for me is so that I will glorify Him.
That speaks a lot about motivation. He didn't do it because He loved, but because He would be glorified.
I'm horrible about arguing spiritual points simply because someone who has actually studied scripture (as opposed to my read-and-think method) usually knocks my arguments over with verse after verse. And here I sit with only John 3:16.
For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son that whosoever believeth on Him should not perish but have everlasting life.
His motivations are spoken of in that verse. It's typical cause and effect. Because God loved us He sent His Son.
Perhaps I get caught away with an overly emotional view of God but, I can't help but believe that God loves us first, and an effect of that is glory.
All that to tell this story.
I went to a church program this morning. They were giving out school supplies so my sister-in-law and I took the kids by at the invitation of a lady we'd met in the supermarket the night before.
2 hours later, we'd stood waiting, while they blared incredible loud hip hop music through the speakers. We'd watched kids take the stage and do "Dance offs", play multiple rounds of "Let's make a deal", and a fashion show. We'd been subjected to a barrage of sales people - State Farm, Allstate, two different home health agencies, credit card applications, jewelry sales, and 2 different entities wanting to take the kids fingerprints.
I saw a world around me that, while some may have known God, I knew many of them probably didn't - and here, trapped in this large auditorium with an incredible opportunity to tell them of Gods love, they didn't. After 2 hours of waiting, (because they only passed out the school supplies twice an hour to the first 15 people in line) we left mid-fashion show.
I walked away disappointed. Where was God in all this? I was hurt, and more than a little tired because I've been bearing the standard "There ARE Christians, true, God-seeking Christians here in this town." and while I have found them, there are just so many other examples of what Christianity shouldn't be here that it's overwhelming.
I came home, snapped at my family, and told them to go on their plans for the afternoons outing without me. Then, I found my quiet place and tearfully asked God "Where is Your Church?"
I could think of no other question than that. I was angry, disappointed, hurt, tired, frustrated, and a few more synonyms for "upset" that I can't think about right now.
An hour later, my family left on their plans.
30 minutes after that a pastor showed up at my door.
He, and his congregant, wanted to thank us for coming to his church last week and talk to us.
They both sat and talked about biblical things with me for an hour.
I was sorry to see them go.
I believe God had a special timing for that visit, maybe nothing about our unplanned and certainly impromptu stop at their church last week was supposed to mean anything for anyone else but I believe God knew I could use some one to talk to today.
And I think He did it just because He really truly loves me and cares about my needs.
And that's why I wanted to write this - to give Him glory.
Friday, November 07, 2008
Lose your waste
I'll tell you right off the bat, this is a post that may only interest me.
I've worked diligently. And this is what I've got.
The blasted tv I bought, that jacked my electric bill up to $250, has been managed. The bill (which is an entire city bill including water, sewage, trash and electricity) was only $86 dollars and some change this month. The number one thing that helped was to begin to get consistent about unplugging the tv & dvd player not just turning it off. I've even done the same thing with my microwave. It only takes a moment, though I'm not as consistent about the microwave. It's a little harder to remember.
Beyond that, hypermiling is really working. I regularly got between 27 & 33mpg before, and now I'm getting between 39 and the highest I've gotten is 42.5 (a number I get more often as I get better at the techniques). It certainly helps that the gas prices have gone down. :) I paid less than 20 bucks for gas this week (the whole week). It made me happy. :)
Lights don't stay on in my house unless there is a need for it. In the daytime, I don't typically have them on unless I'm trying to read and it just isn't bright enough.
And now I'm researching switching to cell phone only and ditching my home phone.
That's the one that makes me a little sad, I like having a regular line, but I'm pretty sure I will get used to it. Once I stop frowning at it.
This whole thing isn't about depriving myself. But, if you look at your life, there's a lot of excess. If you have a cell phone, where someone can reach you all the time, do you really need a home phone? I'm not saying you do or you don't, I'm just bringing the question out for you to think about. I currently have internet, and phone with Verizon for about $90, and my cell phone is a pay as you go thing (which is ok since I rarely use it) and I usually have to "top up" which costs 32.50 every 2-3 mos. So lets call that $100 for phone/internet.
I researched T-Mobile and found a $50 plan that was right for me (am I sounding like a commercial) and if I switch my internet to Suddenlink, it can get a monthly rate of $20. Which is $70 + tax for my phone.
A savings of approximately $30. A total of $360 per year.
These little things are making a difference in my finances. It's fun to watch. And the main thing I hope to really take away from all this is just a simple awareness. I don't want to waste. And when you really start looking at it, you realize that you waste a lot, a lot. And in some cases, that waste costs you money. I don't want to waste stuff, I don't want to waste money.
I would call it being a good steward, but that sounds phony. It sounds like trying to make things sound religious, or putting a spiritual spin on something just... normal. So the goal, is nothing more special than just seeing how much stuff I can not waste. It's most easily measured by seeing the bills lower, or dividing the number of miles driven by the amount of gas purchased.
There are a lot of other things you can do to save money, and a ton of great articles about it. But one of the things I've learned is to not get wrapped up trying to do all of the suggestions. But to fiddle around until you find the ones that you can live with doing.
Long story short, all of your resources are gifts from God. I've been thinking about the parable of the talents, and I know the symbolism and I get the "heavenly meaning" in the "earthly story" but, at the same time I wondered what would happen if the master gave us talents to invest... would he return years later to find that we'd not only spent his talent, but used the income to qualify for a house too expensive for us, and a credit card with a $50,000 limit?
I don't know. And I don't want to condemn myself and just writhe underneath that burden. But I do want to do better. God is good to teach me.
I've worked diligently. And this is what I've got.
The blasted tv I bought, that jacked my electric bill up to $250, has been managed. The bill (which is an entire city bill including water, sewage, trash and electricity) was only $86 dollars and some change this month. The number one thing that helped was to begin to get consistent about unplugging the tv & dvd player not just turning it off. I've even done the same thing with my microwave. It only takes a moment, though I'm not as consistent about the microwave. It's a little harder to remember.
Beyond that, hypermiling is really working. I regularly got between 27 & 33mpg before, and now I'm getting between 39 and the highest I've gotten is 42.5 (a number I get more often as I get better at the techniques). It certainly helps that the gas prices have gone down. :) I paid less than 20 bucks for gas this week (the whole week). It made me happy. :)
Lights don't stay on in my house unless there is a need for it. In the daytime, I don't typically have them on unless I'm trying to read and it just isn't bright enough.
And now I'm researching switching to cell phone only and ditching my home phone.
That's the one that makes me a little sad, I like having a regular line, but I'm pretty sure I will get used to it. Once I stop frowning at it.
This whole thing isn't about depriving myself. But, if you look at your life, there's a lot of excess. If you have a cell phone, where someone can reach you all the time, do you really need a home phone? I'm not saying you do or you don't, I'm just bringing the question out for you to think about. I currently have internet, and phone with Verizon for about $90, and my cell phone is a pay as you go thing (which is ok since I rarely use it) and I usually have to "top up" which costs 32.50 every 2-3 mos. So lets call that $100 for phone/internet.
I researched T-Mobile and found a $50 plan that was right for me (am I sounding like a commercial) and if I switch my internet to Suddenlink, it can get a monthly rate of $20. Which is $70 + tax for my phone.
A savings of approximately $30. A total of $360 per year.
These little things are making a difference in my finances. It's fun to watch. And the main thing I hope to really take away from all this is just a simple awareness. I don't want to waste. And when you really start looking at it, you realize that you waste a lot, a lot. And in some cases, that waste costs you money. I don't want to waste stuff, I don't want to waste money.
I would call it being a good steward, but that sounds phony. It sounds like trying to make things sound religious, or putting a spiritual spin on something just... normal. So the goal, is nothing more special than just seeing how much stuff I can not waste. It's most easily measured by seeing the bills lower, or dividing the number of miles driven by the amount of gas purchased.
There are a lot of other things you can do to save money, and a ton of great articles about it. But one of the things I've learned is to not get wrapped up trying to do all of the suggestions. But to fiddle around until you find the ones that you can live with doing.
Long story short, all of your resources are gifts from God. I've been thinking about the parable of the talents, and I know the symbolism and I get the "heavenly meaning" in the "earthly story" but, at the same time I wondered what would happen if the master gave us talents to invest... would he return years later to find that we'd not only spent his talent, but used the income to qualify for a house too expensive for us, and a credit card with a $50,000 limit?
I don't know. And I don't want to condemn myself and just writhe underneath that burden. But I do want to do better. God is good to teach me.
Monday, October 27, 2008
Someone else asked the voting question.
Wow....
Just an FYI, I'm not a Howard Stern fan. But JKing posted this video concerning the elections and I wanted to share it as well.
Just to give you an idea of what it's about - they asked people who they were voting for, got a name, and then asked if the person was voting for ______ because of their stance on ___________ policy. Only, instead of giving the actual persons policy, they quoted the opponents policy.
It's rated G.
Just an FYI, I'm not a Howard Stern fan. But JKing posted this video concerning the elections and I wanted to share it as well.
Just to give you an idea of what it's about - they asked people who they were voting for, got a name, and then asked if the person was voting for ______ because of their stance on ___________ policy. Only, instead of giving the actual persons policy, they quoted the opponents policy.
It's rated G.
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
Giving kids something to do.
I was told to think about something. So I did.
My church was sent a letter. It was from a reporter at our local news paper who was asking the community, community leaders, and churches to get involved with a solution to a problem he has seen our small town has.
The problem is: Kids are all over town with nothing to do.
Because of bored kids, vandalism has become a serious issue in the town. Since I moved to the town, I have been reading about the problem nearly every week. Notices in the paper asking everyone to please report anything suspicious, so that maybe this time the police can do something rather than simply make a report and clean up the mess.
The reporter had a big idea for a community center. The description sounds like a recreational center. A great big building filled with fun stuff for kids to do.
I'm all for it. I do have a question though.
How far will we go?
At what point will we decide to stop building places and rooms for them to go to, toys and games and gadgets for them to use, and handing them cell phones so they can check in with a simple text message?
When will we stop and say these kids are worth something more valuable than money - our time.
I simply tried to mow my yard this weekend and ended up with an audience of 6 children. I've never met new children in my house though. I always seem to have to go outside for them. If I want to impact the children in my neighborhood all I have to do is go outside. I can sit in my backyard and throw a ball in the air and children will eventually show up. If I go outside and do this every night, I'll shortly find myself stepping out the door to a waiting crowd.
It wouldn't cost me a dime. But it could very well cost me a few hours.
But I doubt the reporter would send out a letter asking for parents, community leaders, and churches to all give up our time, give of ourselves and teach these kids. If he's smart, he probably knows that not too many people would be willing to. I know very well it's 95 degrees outside when I go home. I don't want to go outside either.
It's easier to buy a game. I spent 3 dollars at a thrift store for a game called Torx. I handed it to my niece and nephew and the next 45 minutes were entirely hassle free. I got a lot accomplished. But, it's not the same as when I look them in the eye and say "this time is yours, we're going to spend it together". It doesn't mean you're doing silly things, or playing a game. Sometimes it means you're teaching them how to do laundry. Sometimes it means you're reading a book. Sometimes it means you're just talking about the day.
Kids aren't much to talk to sometimes. I've heard a whole lot of jibber jabber. I've heard words and sounds that I don't understand from the younger kids, and way too many words about virtually nothing from the older ones. But deeply embedded in those words is some priceless information about who your kid is, and how they feel about things you didn't believe they thought about.
The thing is, it works both ways. When you sit down and actually talk, not just convey instructions and schedules or rules, they're able to find out who you are. And how you feel about things they believe you've never faced before.
You can build a big building and send them off to play. They'll enjoy it. Say! I would even enjoy it. 45 minutes of peace and quiet in the house seems priceless. But it's not priceless. It just cost me 45 minutes of my kids life. The only question is what I'm going to hold as more valuable.
My church was sent a letter. It was from a reporter at our local news paper who was asking the community, community leaders, and churches to get involved with a solution to a problem he has seen our small town has.
The problem is: Kids are all over town with nothing to do.
Because of bored kids, vandalism has become a serious issue in the town. Since I moved to the town, I have been reading about the problem nearly every week. Notices in the paper asking everyone to please report anything suspicious, so that maybe this time the police can do something rather than simply make a report and clean up the mess.
The reporter had a big idea for a community center. The description sounds like a recreational center. A great big building filled with fun stuff for kids to do.
I'm all for it. I do have a question though.
How far will we go?
At what point will we decide to stop building places and rooms for them to go to, toys and games and gadgets for them to use, and handing them cell phones so they can check in with a simple text message?
When will we stop and say these kids are worth something more valuable than money - our time.
I simply tried to mow my yard this weekend and ended up with an audience of 6 children. I've never met new children in my house though. I always seem to have to go outside for them. If I want to impact the children in my neighborhood all I have to do is go outside. I can sit in my backyard and throw a ball in the air and children will eventually show up. If I go outside and do this every night, I'll shortly find myself stepping out the door to a waiting crowd.
It wouldn't cost me a dime. But it could very well cost me a few hours.
But I doubt the reporter would send out a letter asking for parents, community leaders, and churches to all give up our time, give of ourselves and teach these kids. If he's smart, he probably knows that not too many people would be willing to. I know very well it's 95 degrees outside when I go home. I don't want to go outside either.
It's easier to buy a game. I spent 3 dollars at a thrift store for a game called Torx. I handed it to my niece and nephew and the next 45 minutes were entirely hassle free. I got a lot accomplished. But, it's not the same as when I look them in the eye and say "this time is yours, we're going to spend it together". It doesn't mean you're doing silly things, or playing a game. Sometimes it means you're teaching them how to do laundry. Sometimes it means you're reading a book. Sometimes it means you're just talking about the day.
Kids aren't much to talk to sometimes. I've heard a whole lot of jibber jabber. I've heard words and sounds that I don't understand from the younger kids, and way too many words about virtually nothing from the older ones. But deeply embedded in those words is some priceless information about who your kid is, and how they feel about things you didn't believe they thought about.
The thing is, it works both ways. When you sit down and actually talk, not just convey instructions and schedules or rules, they're able to find out who you are. And how you feel about things they believe you've never faced before.
You can build a big building and send them off to play. They'll enjoy it. Say! I would even enjoy it. 45 minutes of peace and quiet in the house seems priceless. But it's not priceless. It just cost me 45 minutes of my kids life. The only question is what I'm going to hold as more valuable.
Saturday, June 23, 2007
What a wonderful world????
I've got a mental list going. It's a list full of all the things I'm looking for to put in my house. It's not a particularly long list, and I'm in no hurry at all to get all the items - as I've told some, I've got a 30 year mortgage, I've got all the time in the world. It's just a list of things to keep my eyes peeled for when I drive past thrift stores, or a garage sale.
Last Friday, I saw one of those items. I've assumed that since I have a deck on my house, I'm duty bound to learn how to become a bbq grill kind of person. So when I drove past a garage sale and saw one, I stopped to look at it. At the time though, I was taking care of two little girls (ages 2 & 4) and that exact moment wasn't the best time to try and figure out purchasing it and getting it home. So I left it there, telling them I'd think about it, but honestly assuming that it would be gone before I had a chance to come back.
I drove past it for a week. A whole week this thing sat in the guys yard "FOR SALE" stuck on it, along with a very cheap price tag. It's only defect was that the handle to open the lid had broken off.
I'd talked myself out of it though (no matter how good the price, it was still larger than what I was looking for) (in case you're thinking it too, don't worry, my co-worker repeatedly told me such reasoning was dumb because cheap is cheap, who cares about size). But, today I drove by that same garage sale and saw they now had a bed for sale. I'm working on preparing my 3rd bedroom for a child and a bed to sleep in is pretty much #1 on the list. I stopped to look at the bed, and saw they wanted 30 bucks for the mattress/box springs, and 100 for the frame. They came over to talk to me and I told them what I was doing, why I was looking and that it was out of my price range (130 bucks for a bed?!?!... even if I were rich I wouldn't have bought it) and she began trying to 'deal' with me. Said she'd give me the mattresses for 15.
Her husband walked out the door and heard what I was doing, what I was looking for and completely surprised me.
This is the entire reason I'm telling the story, by the way.
This man, holding onto his beer, literally reeking with the scent of alcohol, gave me the mattresses for 15 dollars, said I'd need a night stand too so he led me to the 2 night stands he had for sale and told me to choose one, it would be free. Then walked me over to the videos and said "kids'll want to watch movies, do you see any you want" then proceeded to fill an entire video organizer with videos and then handed it (the videos AND the organizer) to me and said "take it, it's free". Through the whole encounter he was telling me it was for a good cause, and he was glad to help and if he saw anything else he thought I might could use, he'd let me know.
I went ahead and bought the grill, simply because I couldn't imagine not buying it from them now. And less than one hour later, they delivered the mattresses and the grill (at their own insistence - not my asking) to my door for me. They had also worked on the grill so it now had a very sturdy handle in place of the one that had broken.
I did find a spiritual application to what these people did, but it surprised me and certainly had me squinting at the implications of it. So my conclusion is a difficult one for me to accept so if you have any objection to it I'd like to hear it, because I'd really like to change my mind.
So here goes.
They loved. They were generous, kind, encouraging, selfless, giving, patient, happy, and gracious.
And as much as I hate to believe it, based on the Christians I've seen, and based on the worldly people I've seen, we all seem pretty equal. The only difference (keep in mind, I'm talking about the majority, not every single one) is that the Christians have been drawn by God and have accepted His salvation. The sinners just didn't accept.
I'd like to assume Christians are kinder, more loving, more generous, more selfless, but from the majority I've seen... they really aren't. Unsaved neighbors have taken my trash out for me. Unsaved neighbors have helped me move. Unsaved neighbors have helped me fix my car. Unsaved neighbors have helped me work on my house.
I'm not saying these are things Christians wouldn't do, but these unsaved neighbors don't hesitate like Christians (majority) do. Christians (majority) wait to be asked - my unsaved neighbors have just barged right in.
In my mind, scriptures like "a new creature in Christ" make Christians an entirely different breed, set apart from the world yes, but also infinitely better, kinder, imperfect perfection. But it's hard to correlate that when I'm surrounded by a world of sinners that are kinder, and more selfless than me. While this Christian (me) went to work, sinners everywhere just didn't show up to work and were willing to step into risky situations to rescue people during Monday's flood.
These sinners... they serve in law enforcement because they long to see justice. They serve in hospitals and nursing homes because they long to ease suffering and to help people. They serve in daycares and schools because they want to touch the lives of the children and shape the worlds future. They serve as firefighters because they long to protect and rescue those that have found themselves in situations where they cannot help themselves.
These sinners... are some really amazing people. They're just not going to Heaven.
I'm not trying to romanticize their situation or make it seem more noble than it is, really. I guess I just find what happened today as just one more example of... well, I don't know what yet.
Marks blog had a post that had a quote in it from another blog, and it just added fuel to the fire.
The quote:
I guess it all has set me to thinking.
I've heard, and understand the idea that it's not what we can do, but what God can do through us. And how by seeking God, rather than change, we find God and by finding God we become changed. But it's a hard thing to apply in my life.
And even after I apply it, will I really change into something that's better than the world? I really am beginning to question that. There are sinners that dedicate their lives to helping hurting people all around the world. Sinners that risk their own lives. Sinners that do more kindness with more selflessness, than I will probably ever even think of doing. But I will go to Heaven.
The whole gist of what I'm saying/thinking, the hard part to accept (at least for me) is this:
It doesn't seem that I'm going to be better than the world, I'm just going to be different.
And I wonder if that's really God's plan.
Last Friday, I saw one of those items. I've assumed that since I have a deck on my house, I'm duty bound to learn how to become a bbq grill kind of person. So when I drove past a garage sale and saw one, I stopped to look at it. At the time though, I was taking care of two little girls (ages 2 & 4) and that exact moment wasn't the best time to try and figure out purchasing it and getting it home. So I left it there, telling them I'd think about it, but honestly assuming that it would be gone before I had a chance to come back.
I drove past it for a week. A whole week this thing sat in the guys yard "FOR SALE" stuck on it, along with a very cheap price tag. It's only defect was that the handle to open the lid had broken off.
I'd talked myself out of it though (no matter how good the price, it was still larger than what I was looking for) (in case you're thinking it too, don't worry, my co-worker repeatedly told me such reasoning was dumb because cheap is cheap, who cares about size). But, today I drove by that same garage sale and saw they now had a bed for sale. I'm working on preparing my 3rd bedroom for a child and a bed to sleep in is pretty much #1 on the list. I stopped to look at the bed, and saw they wanted 30 bucks for the mattress/box springs, and 100 for the frame. They came over to talk to me and I told them what I was doing, why I was looking and that it was out of my price range (130 bucks for a bed?!?!... even if I were rich I wouldn't have bought it) and she began trying to 'deal' with me. Said she'd give me the mattresses for 15.
Her husband walked out the door and heard what I was doing, what I was looking for and completely surprised me.
This is the entire reason I'm telling the story, by the way.
This man, holding onto his beer, literally reeking with the scent of alcohol, gave me the mattresses for 15 dollars, said I'd need a night stand too so he led me to the 2 night stands he had for sale and told me to choose one, it would be free. Then walked me over to the videos and said "kids'll want to watch movies, do you see any you want" then proceeded to fill an entire video organizer with videos and then handed it (the videos AND the organizer) to me and said "take it, it's free". Through the whole encounter he was telling me it was for a good cause, and he was glad to help and if he saw anything else he thought I might could use, he'd let me know.
I went ahead and bought the grill, simply because I couldn't imagine not buying it from them now. And less than one hour later, they delivered the mattresses and the grill (at their own insistence - not my asking) to my door for me. They had also worked on the grill so it now had a very sturdy handle in place of the one that had broken.
I did find a spiritual application to what these people did, but it surprised me and certainly had me squinting at the implications of it. So my conclusion is a difficult one for me to accept so if you have any objection to it I'd like to hear it, because I'd really like to change my mind.
So here goes.
They loved. They were generous, kind, encouraging, selfless, giving, patient, happy, and gracious.
And as much as I hate to believe it, based on the Christians I've seen, and based on the worldly people I've seen, we all seem pretty equal. The only difference (keep in mind, I'm talking about the majority, not every single one) is that the Christians have been drawn by God and have accepted His salvation. The sinners just didn't accept.
I'd like to assume Christians are kinder, more loving, more generous, more selfless, but from the majority I've seen... they really aren't. Unsaved neighbors have taken my trash out for me. Unsaved neighbors have helped me move. Unsaved neighbors have helped me fix my car. Unsaved neighbors have helped me work on my house.
I'm not saying these are things Christians wouldn't do, but these unsaved neighbors don't hesitate like Christians (majority) do. Christians (majority) wait to be asked - my unsaved neighbors have just barged right in.
In my mind, scriptures like "a new creature in Christ" make Christians an entirely different breed, set apart from the world yes, but also infinitely better, kinder, imperfect perfection. But it's hard to correlate that when I'm surrounded by a world of sinners that are kinder, and more selfless than me. While this Christian (me) went to work, sinners everywhere just didn't show up to work and were willing to step into risky situations to rescue people during Monday's flood.
These sinners... they serve in law enforcement because they long to see justice. They serve in hospitals and nursing homes because they long to ease suffering and to help people. They serve in daycares and schools because they want to touch the lives of the children and shape the worlds future. They serve as firefighters because they long to protect and rescue those that have found themselves in situations where they cannot help themselves.
These sinners... are some really amazing people. They're just not going to Heaven.
I'm not trying to romanticize their situation or make it seem more noble than it is, really. I guess I just find what happened today as just one more example of... well, I don't know what yet.
Marks blog had a post that had a quote in it from another blog, and it just added fuel to the fire.
The quote:
It is important that we remember that the gospel is the gospel of the kingdom. It is not the gospel of the individual. Christ's message was not "Repent, and come into all the blessings of God." - though that is indeed the case - but, "Repent, for the Kingdom of God is at hand." It is not a call to self-improvement, but a call for self-denial for a cause that is bigger than any individual.
I guess it all has set me to thinking.
I've heard, and understand the idea that it's not what we can do, but what God can do through us. And how by seeking God, rather than change, we find God and by finding God we become changed. But it's a hard thing to apply in my life.
And even after I apply it, will I really change into something that's better than the world? I really am beginning to question that. There are sinners that dedicate their lives to helping hurting people all around the world. Sinners that risk their own lives. Sinners that do more kindness with more selflessness, than I will probably ever even think of doing. But I will go to Heaven.
The whole gist of what I'm saying/thinking, the hard part to accept (at least for me) is this:
It doesn't seem that I'm going to be better than the world, I'm just going to be different.
And I wonder if that's really God's plan.
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