I haven't researched it. Didn't go digging through the scriptures to find verses to back up what I'm about to describe, or google phrases to see if others have talked about what I'm about to talk about. If anyone has that kind of information, you're welcome to get it to me. I'll certainly read/listen to it.
But I've experienced something that...just took time before I found the right words to describe it. Spirit to Spirit. I can't imagine forgetting this feeling, but I'm sure as life goes on I might. I might forget the intensity, the strangeness, the completeness of it. I hope this post will remind me one day.
Every night I say the same words to Precious:
"The LORD bless you, and keep you, the LORD make His face to shine upon you and be gracious to you and give you peace. May He uphold you with the right hand of His righteousness and lead you in His everlasting love."
I also pray over her, but that small blessing is a staple. It was about 2 months ago though that the blessing was changed to add "and be gracious to you". It seemed important, and I constantly felt as though I were missing something by not saying it. I know it's a spin off from the blessing in the Bible but not quite accurate - I wasn't worried about quoting those verses so much as I was interested in just pulling out what I wanted her to hear each night, and what I wanted to speak over her each and every day.
Two Sundays ago I was in church and something was happening between God and I. The strangest part is that I can hardly tell you exactly "what" was happening, I can only describe it.
The pastor said something... he got up and in between songs in the song service he said something along the lines of "I feel God wants me to tell you that He longs to be gracious to you."
And it just broke me. I wouldn't have been able to tell you why, but instantly, tears were pouring and my body was clenched as though in pain. I broke.
The worship service began again and during it Precious and I made our way to the front to worship there and pray/praise but I could hardly do either one. Intense emotions that I can't even describe had me crying and groaning with an awful guttural sound. I've done it before and try to make sure I'm alone... public places are not the.... most wonderful place for that to happen.
Finally worship was over so I returned to my seat trying to regain my balance when a woman I've seen but don't really know showed up in front of me and handed me a slip of paper that I mentioned previously - 2 Chronicles 20:14-21, 22-30.
Again, just as before with the pastors words I broke. It took forever to read the scriptures as tears poured down my face, sobs shook my shoulders as I tried to be quiet (the rest of the church was watching a video from the mens' recent trip to Haiti).
Yet none of it, not a single tear, or groan, or emotion was hardly anything that I could explain.
I wouldn't have been able to tell you that day why those verses were so important. I wasn't even trying to figure it out at the time. I simply read, and it spoke to Something deep within me and that Something understood what my mind did not.
The only way I've been able to understand it is as this:
The Spirit, spoke to my Spirit.
My body, my tears, my groans were simply the vessel holding the Spirit that was at work and stirring that day.
It was a very intense experience.
I'm not...some great spiritual person. I wish I were, but I know me. I'm just a Christian. (A real one, not one of the fakes or Sunday church-goer - I believe there's more fakes out there than the real thing.) I do stupid things. Say stupid things. Don't do enough things. Do the wrong things. Don't live as though I love my Bible as much as I should. Don't pray as much as I wish I did. I say I love God and often don't live it out because I'm putting myself first.
I'm as regularly stupid and foolish as any other true Christian shouldn't be.
I'm not trying to drag myself down - I'm just being honest.
But God did something in me that day.
He didn't change me - I was impacted yes, but I didn't walk away profoundly different.
He just used me.
So I just wanted to remember this. I want to remember a time in my life when I was foolish and not good enough, but I loved God - and God used me. God spoke into something in me that I wouldn't have realized was a true entity before. But God, in the Holy Spirit, is living inside of me.
All the books in the world wouldn't have convinced me of that as well as that experience did. I never want to forget.
Spirit to Spirit.
Showing posts with label Prayer. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Prayer. Show all posts
Friday, October 14, 2011
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Taking care of ourselves.
Awhile back I was reading in Acts and chapter 4 really caught my attention. It's just shortly after Pentecost exploded on them, the disciples (plus some) were filled with the Holy Ghost, and things began to change for them. They began teaching people, healing people, doing some amazing things and sure enough, here came the leaders to tell them to stop. They threatened them and told them to no longer teach in the name of Jesus. So Peter and John then responded with a statement that's quite well known: "For we cannot but speak the things which we have seen and heard".
Peter and John came back to the group, told them about how they were threatened and told quite bluntly "Don't talk about Jesus anymore" (basically). All the people then, stood up and prayed "God help us be bold" (basically).
Do you know what they didn't pray?
"God give us favor with these leaders."
"God protect us"
"God give us justice"
"God give us new leaders"
"God help us not get caught"
And do you know what happened?
It was a time in history that I'd give my eye teeth to have been a part of. For a short period of time, it was the perfect church.
And while I'm sure there are many keys in this chapter as to how to get the perfect church, the biggest part that always jumps out at me is their prayer.
We pray for protection from pain, and I can't seem to find a lot of Biblical examples of that. And certainly none that plead for that protection to the magnitude that we do - and we're not even asking it for the gospels sake. We're just asking for less financial worries so we can go out to eat more often, and maybe upgrade to the HD channels on our HDTV.
It's just natural instinct to say "self first". These guys knew the leaders weren't making idle threats though, and yet their first prayer was "Give us boldness". I'm betting they knew they were a little short on boldness.
It's a challenging thought, because even I see the value of adding a "...and protect us" to the prayer. But I wonder.. I just wonder.. if God doesn't want us to stop praying about our own care and leave that up to Him.
Peter and John came back to the group, told them about how they were threatened and told quite bluntly "Don't talk about Jesus anymore" (basically). All the people then, stood up and prayed "God help us be bold" (basically).
And now, Lord, behold their threatenings: and grant unto thy servants, that with all boldness they may speak thy word, Acts 4:24
Do you know what they didn't pray?
"God give us favor with these leaders."
"God protect us"
"God give us justice"
"God give us new leaders"
"God help us not get caught"
And do you know what happened?
And when they had prayed, the place was shaken where they were assembled together; and they were all filled with the Holy Ghost, and they spake the word of God with boldness.
And the multitude of them that believed were of one heart and of one soul: neither said any of them that ought of the things which he possessed was his own; but they had all things common.
And with great power gave the apostles witness of the resurrection of the Lord Jesus: and great grace was upon them all.
Neither was there any among them that lacked: for as many as were possessors of lands or houses sold them, and brought the prices of the things that were sold,
And laid them down at the apostles' feet: and distribution was made unto every man according as he had need.
And Joses, who by the apostles was surnamed Barnabas, (which is, being interpreted, The son of consolation,) a Levite, and of the country of Cyprus,
Having land, sold it, and brought the money, and laid it at the apostles' feet. Acts 4:31-37
It was a time in history that I'd give my eye teeth to have been a part of. For a short period of time, it was the perfect church.
And while I'm sure there are many keys in this chapter as to how to get the perfect church, the biggest part that always jumps out at me is their prayer.
We pray for protection from pain, and I can't seem to find a lot of Biblical examples of that. And certainly none that plead for that protection to the magnitude that we do - and we're not even asking it for the gospels sake. We're just asking for less financial worries so we can go out to eat more often, and maybe upgrade to the HD channels on our HDTV.
It's just natural instinct to say "self first". These guys knew the leaders weren't making idle threats though, and yet their first prayer was "Give us boldness". I'm betting they knew they were a little short on boldness.
It's a challenging thought, because even I see the value of adding a "...and protect us" to the prayer. But I wonder.. I just wonder.. if God doesn't want us to stop praying about our own care and leave that up to Him.
Thursday, September 09, 2010
Joy=Strength - Depression=Weakness
To clarify, before anyone says anything - I don't think you're a weak person for being depressed. Period.
I know someone who is struggling with depression brought on by grief of losing a loved one a year and a half ago. They're so weak and tired that they can hardly get out of bed in the morning. There's no reason, no motivation, and simply sheer weariness at the idea of moving/going/doing. They're too tired.
They're depressed.
(Please know dear friends, it's not as cut and dry as I'm making it, and having felt even a speckle of grief myself, I know there is a canyon more that I'm leaving unsaid.)
And as I listened to my new friend as she asked for prayer and confessed her struggles, one scripture popped into my mind: "The joy of the Lord is my strength"
I came home, and searched my Bible for the full scripture fully expecting to find it within the book of Psalms. It just sounds like a David thing to say. But that's not where I found it.
Instead I found it within the pages of Nehemiah. Nehemiah chapter 8 verse 10
Ezra reads the law to Israel and they understand how grievously they, and their forefathers have transgressed that law and the people began to weep and mourn. but Nehemiah and Ezra and the Levites teaching the law to the people said "Don't weep or mourn". Then Nehemiah says the words in verse 10: "Go your way, eat the fat, drink the sweet, and send portions to those for whom nothing is prepared; for this day is holy to our LORD. Do not sorrow, for the joy of the LORD is your strength."
I expected the verse to be in Psalms because it just sounds like something that should be in a praise song. But instead, it's surrounded by mourning, weeping, and grieved souls.
2nd Corinthians 12:10 is one of many that uses the statement of weak people being strong: Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ's sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong. And I like those verses in connection with the "joy of the Lord is our strength" because it's not about WE are strong. But it's about Paul being weak in body but still going about his Masters business. Because the Master provides strength for the day. Paul wasn't strong enough to survive everything he was put through - no one would be. No one in their right mind/body sings praise songs after being whipped and chained into a prison cell. But by Gods strength something different came from it than what Paul could do in his human strength.
It doesn't seem right or good to tell someone grieving that the joy of the Lord is their strength - but when you're at your weakest, when you begin to stand up in God from the moment you wake up and have to force yourself out of bed, to the moment you have to crawl into that empty bed at night, at the end of the day you'll know you got through that day because of a strength other than your own.
It's bitter/sweet words, I know. I'm sorry, so deeply sorry for the suffering she and so many others are facing right at this moment, but there is strength in joy. And I pray you all find a way to walk in that joy today, tomorrow, and the next until you can't imagine any other way.
I know someone who is struggling with depression brought on by grief of losing a loved one a year and a half ago. They're so weak and tired that they can hardly get out of bed in the morning. There's no reason, no motivation, and simply sheer weariness at the idea of moving/going/doing. They're too tired.
They're depressed.
(Please know dear friends, it's not as cut and dry as I'm making it, and having felt even a speckle of grief myself, I know there is a canyon more that I'm leaving unsaid.)
And as I listened to my new friend as she asked for prayer and confessed her struggles, one scripture popped into my mind: "The joy of the Lord is my strength"
I came home, and searched my Bible for the full scripture fully expecting to find it within the book of Psalms. It just sounds like a David thing to say. But that's not where I found it.
Instead I found it within the pages of Nehemiah. Nehemiah chapter 8 verse 10
Ezra reads the law to Israel and they understand how grievously they, and their forefathers have transgressed that law and the people began to weep and mourn. but Nehemiah and Ezra and the Levites teaching the law to the people said "Don't weep or mourn". Then Nehemiah says the words in verse 10: "Go your way, eat the fat, drink the sweet, and send portions to those for whom nothing is prepared; for this day is holy to our LORD. Do not sorrow, for the joy of the LORD is your strength."
I expected the verse to be in Psalms because it just sounds like something that should be in a praise song. But instead, it's surrounded by mourning, weeping, and grieved souls.
2nd Corinthians 12:10 is one of many that uses the statement of weak people being strong: Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ's sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong. And I like those verses in connection with the "joy of the Lord is our strength" because it's not about WE are strong. But it's about Paul being weak in body but still going about his Masters business. Because the Master provides strength for the day. Paul wasn't strong enough to survive everything he was put through - no one would be. No one in their right mind/body sings praise songs after being whipped and chained into a prison cell. But by Gods strength something different came from it than what Paul could do in his human strength.
It doesn't seem right or good to tell someone grieving that the joy of the Lord is their strength - but when you're at your weakest, when you begin to stand up in God from the moment you wake up and have to force yourself out of bed, to the moment you have to crawl into that empty bed at night, at the end of the day you'll know you got through that day because of a strength other than your own.
It's bitter/sweet words, I know. I'm sorry, so deeply sorry for the suffering she and so many others are facing right at this moment, but there is strength in joy. And I pray you all find a way to walk in that joy today, tomorrow, and the next until you can't imagine any other way.
Monday, May 31, 2010
It's too easy to forget.
This is why we have days memorializing certain events. It's just too easy to forget. To live on.
Today, as I read the Americans Creed, I realized how painfully far off our country has gone. It's one of those things I know but tend to just not think about since there feels like there's nothing I can do about it.
The Americans Creed reads this:
It's the last line that caught my attention:
It is my duty to love it, support its Constitution, obey it's laws, respect its flag, and to defend it against all enemies.
I tend to forget to defend it against all enemies.
I tend to forget that there is something I can do about it.
The Bible says: For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.
There is a place for our soldiers to fight and struggle for our freedom. But the battles for countries and wars and battles were won and lost by the sinfulness and righteousness of it's inhabitants. It's won and lost in our prayers and supplications to God.
It's too easy to forget and just say a 'bless me" prayer, or "help me" prayer. To just pray for my niece and nephew, and immediate family and other needs that I know of or that burden my heart - and forget the very nation in which I live.
But we need help. Our Nation, our beautiful, God founded Nation needs help. We're breaking and crumbling and the situation is desperate. We need God.
So I just want to write this as a reminder for myself, and if it helps you as well, wonderful:
Pray for our Nation.
Only God can save our Nation from it's downward spiral. Only God.
Today, as I read the Americans Creed, I realized how painfully far off our country has gone. It's one of those things I know but tend to just not think about since there feels like there's nothing I can do about it.
The Americans Creed reads this:
I believe in the United States of America, as a government of the people, by the people, for the people; whose just powers are derived from the consent of the governed; a democracy in a republic; a sovereign Nation of many sovereign States; a perfect union, one and inseparable; established upon those principles of freedom, equality, justice, and humanity for which American patriots sacrificed their lives and fortunes.
I therefore believe it is my duty to my country to love it, to support its Constitution, to obey its laws, to respect its flag, and to defend it against all enemies. (William Tyler Page)
It's the last line that caught my attention:
It is my duty to love it, support its Constitution, obey it's laws, respect its flag, and to defend it against all enemies.
I tend to forget to defend it against all enemies.
I tend to forget that there is something I can do about it.
The Bible says: For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.
There is a place for our soldiers to fight and struggle for our freedom. But the battles for countries and wars and battles were won and lost by the sinfulness and righteousness of it's inhabitants. It's won and lost in our prayers and supplications to God.
It's too easy to forget and just say a 'bless me" prayer, or "help me" prayer. To just pray for my niece and nephew, and immediate family and other needs that I know of or that burden my heart - and forget the very nation in which I live.
But we need help. Our Nation, our beautiful, God founded Nation needs help. We're breaking and crumbling and the situation is desperate. We need God.
So I just want to write this as a reminder for myself, and if it helps you as well, wonderful:
Pray for our Nation.
Only God can save our Nation from it's downward spiral. Only God.
Monday, May 24, 2010
Confession my faults - Fear.
I like apologizing.
I know what you're thinking, and I saw that eye-roll. You'll just have to trust me on this. I like apologizing. I enjoy naming how my sin was wrong, bringing it to light, and letting someone know I'm sorry not just for doing whatever, but for the disrespect, unkindness, selfishness, whatever sinful nature was rearing up to cause the action in the first place.
It leaves me feeling like I just kicked dirt in the devils eye. I like to take sin seriously - not in that I would think about it all the time, but that when I do find it in my life I figure out what it really is.
I've been stressed out lately. I didn't realize it until the other night but the move I'm about to make and all it's little ramifications was scaring me. I did some math the other day and, living on my own, after bills here I'd have $52 left for groceries for the month.
It's not that I don't think I'll eat, because I know God will provide work and money so I actually don't think I'll go without. It just made me realize how close to the line I'm going to be. If emergencies come up...
And I became afraid.
I didn't rest in the promise that God would supply my needs, He would help me, and give me wisdom as to the house to choose and what actions to take in order to use the money He's provided me with wisely.
As I grew more afraid, my actions around my poor housemates changed as well.
The turning point was when I griped at my nephew for dumping his water out to put fresh water in his cup. He said it was old and I griped something about how water doesn't taste old after 3 hours.
Then later that evening, I brought my cup downstairs, dumped the water out, rinsed the cup and refilled it with fresh water.
Instantly I was convicted.
And I did something I hadn't done too recently; I went to my bedroom, dropped to my knees beside my bed and I wept before God. I repented of my actions towards my family, and I prayed He would help me not just to treat them as He would, but that He would calm my fears and I would simply trust Him for my needs without worry.
I told Him I was stressed out, worried, and anxious and I didn't know how to handle the changes coming up on my own. I told Him I loved Him dearly, and that I hadn't been showing it - and I was so very sorry for how off-track my heart had wandered from the path and that I needed Him to draw me nearer, because I just wasn't close enough. I need Him more.
Wednesday night on the way home from church I was working on memorizing 2 Chronicles 7:14 with the kids: If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I hear from Heaven and forgive their sin and heal their land.
It seemed that night, those words were prophetic as I unthinkingly acted them out. But I got up that evening forgiven. Regrets can't be changed, but forgiveness is wonderful. But I didn't realize until later that God had worked on healing my land as well. Today is different, I don't know how or where I'll ultimately end up but... There is something new inside me that's able to trust for this now. And I came home and it was probably one of the more peaceful, kind nights at the house.
The night I repented, afterwards I stayed up late reading 1 John. When I reached 5:4 I found another verse that I set about trying to memorize. It's well worth memorizing if you'd like to try.
For whatsoever is born of God overcometh the world: and this is the victory that overcometh the world; even our faith. 1 John 5:4
I know what you're thinking, and I saw that eye-roll. You'll just have to trust me on this. I like apologizing. I enjoy naming how my sin was wrong, bringing it to light, and letting someone know I'm sorry not just for doing whatever, but for the disrespect, unkindness, selfishness, whatever sinful nature was rearing up to cause the action in the first place.
It leaves me feeling like I just kicked dirt in the devils eye. I like to take sin seriously - not in that I would think about it all the time, but that when I do find it in my life I figure out what it really is.
I've been stressed out lately. I didn't realize it until the other night but the move I'm about to make and all it's little ramifications was scaring me. I did some math the other day and, living on my own, after bills here I'd have $52 left for groceries for the month.
It's not that I don't think I'll eat, because I know God will provide work and money so I actually don't think I'll go without. It just made me realize how close to the line I'm going to be. If emergencies come up...
And I became afraid.
I didn't rest in the promise that God would supply my needs, He would help me, and give me wisdom as to the house to choose and what actions to take in order to use the money He's provided me with wisely.
As I grew more afraid, my actions around my poor housemates changed as well.
The turning point was when I griped at my nephew for dumping his water out to put fresh water in his cup. He said it was old and I griped something about how water doesn't taste old after 3 hours.
Then later that evening, I brought my cup downstairs, dumped the water out, rinsed the cup and refilled it with fresh water.
Instantly I was convicted.
And I did something I hadn't done too recently; I went to my bedroom, dropped to my knees beside my bed and I wept before God. I repented of my actions towards my family, and I prayed He would help me not just to treat them as He would, but that He would calm my fears and I would simply trust Him for my needs without worry.
I told Him I was stressed out, worried, and anxious and I didn't know how to handle the changes coming up on my own. I told Him I loved Him dearly, and that I hadn't been showing it - and I was so very sorry for how off-track my heart had wandered from the path and that I needed Him to draw me nearer, because I just wasn't close enough. I need Him more.
Wednesday night on the way home from church I was working on memorizing 2 Chronicles 7:14 with the kids: If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I hear from Heaven and forgive their sin and heal their land.
It seemed that night, those words were prophetic as I unthinkingly acted them out. But I got up that evening forgiven. Regrets can't be changed, but forgiveness is wonderful. But I didn't realize until later that God had worked on healing my land as well. Today is different, I don't know how or where I'll ultimately end up but... There is something new inside me that's able to trust for this now. And I came home and it was probably one of the more peaceful, kind nights at the house.
The night I repented, afterwards I stayed up late reading 1 John. When I reached 5:4 I found another verse that I set about trying to memorize. It's well worth memorizing if you'd like to try.
For whatsoever is born of God overcometh the world: and this is the victory that overcometh the world; even our faith. 1 John 5:4
Sunday, January 03, 2010
In need of a Godly advisor.
The subject has come up recently of joining the church that I've been attending.
I'm betwixt and between decisions for several reasons. The first is that I dread officially taking my membership away from the church I attended in North Texas. The second being that in 6 months I'll be moving again (in the SA area) but I don't know where yet, so it's entirely possible that I might not be attending this church in 6 months. And I have too much respect for commitment to just float my membership around to different churches.
At the same time, I hate the idea of just sitting around and enjoying the services I'm attending and not giving back and supporting the church physically for the next 6 months until I see what happens next.
I don't know what to do.
I'm in need of Godly wisdom, Godly advice, and I miss taking a trip to McDonalds with Godly advisers that will listen and offer counsel and pray. I miss it more than I can tell you. San Antonio has been wonderful and my changes here have been beyond my wildest dreams, but #1 on my list of things that I wish would change would be finding that Godly person to talk to, to tell me when I'm being wrong and stupid, and when I need to step up on something, and to help me see situations from Gods perspective.
So, if you have any advice please feel free to give it. But most of all, pray I find that Spiritual counsel here, and that until that counsel comes along that I would be especially attuned to God as He leads me along.
I'm betwixt and between decisions for several reasons. The first is that I dread officially taking my membership away from the church I attended in North Texas. The second being that in 6 months I'll be moving again (in the SA area) but I don't know where yet, so it's entirely possible that I might not be attending this church in 6 months. And I have too much respect for commitment to just float my membership around to different churches.
At the same time, I hate the idea of just sitting around and enjoying the services I'm attending and not giving back and supporting the church physically for the next 6 months until I see what happens next.
I don't know what to do.
I'm in need of Godly wisdom, Godly advice, and I miss taking a trip to McDonalds with Godly advisers that will listen and offer counsel and pray. I miss it more than I can tell you. San Antonio has been wonderful and my changes here have been beyond my wildest dreams, but #1 on my list of things that I wish would change would be finding that Godly person to talk to, to tell me when I'm being wrong and stupid, and when I need to step up on something, and to help me see situations from Gods perspective.
So, if you have any advice please feel free to give it. But most of all, pray I find that Spiritual counsel here, and that until that counsel comes along that I would be especially attuned to God as He leads me along.
Thursday, September 17, 2009
What I'm praying for...
Next week I am leaving my new home in San Antonio and heading to move in with my parents to begin caring for my mother.
Dad is willing to give it a short trial to see if I can gain some control over the situation, and if I fail he is going to put her into a nursing home.
He's hurting, and tired, and stressed beyond what a person should be asked to endure.
She's tired and sick. In her few moments when she's anywhere close to her right mind she is discouraged and sad that she is making his life miserable. - Her words, not mine.
I am praying, that for whatever time I am in this situation - whether it is long-term as we hope, or only a short term try and fail - that I will have a servants heart towards both of them. That for this time I can go in and build them up, encourage, and strengthen them both. That I will have wisdom in how to use my words to control my mothers behavior so that she is compliant with me as much as possible. And that I will not get so wrapped up in my mothers issues that I fail to minister to the other person there that is hurting.
I am praying that my mothers suffering ends quickly.
Make me a servant
Humble and meek
Lord help me lift up
Those who are weak.
And may the prayer of my heart always be.
Make me a servant.
Make me a servant.
Make me a servant today.
Dad is willing to give it a short trial to see if I can gain some control over the situation, and if I fail he is going to put her into a nursing home.
He's hurting, and tired, and stressed beyond what a person should be asked to endure.
She's tired and sick. In her few moments when she's anywhere close to her right mind she is discouraged and sad that she is making his life miserable. - Her words, not mine.
I am praying, that for whatever time I am in this situation - whether it is long-term as we hope, or only a short term try and fail - that I will have a servants heart towards both of them. That for this time I can go in and build them up, encourage, and strengthen them both. That I will have wisdom in how to use my words to control my mothers behavior so that she is compliant with me as much as possible. And that I will not get so wrapped up in my mothers issues that I fail to minister to the other person there that is hurting.
I am praying that my mothers suffering ends quickly.
Make me a servant
Humble and meek
Lord help me lift up
Those who are weak.
And may the prayer of my heart always be.
Make me a servant.
Make me a servant.
Make me a servant today.
Saturday, August 22, 2009
Groanings that cannot be uttered.
Likewise the Spirit also helpeth our infirmities: for we know not what we should pray for as we ought: but the Spirit itself maketh intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered. Romans 8:26
This evening my phone rang. My dad called. His first words were that he was in a "whole heap of trouble".
"What's wrong?"
"Your mom..."
It took him nearly a full 45 seconds to finish the sentence.
I'm pretty sure my heart didn't beat for the full 45 seconds.
He'd hidden the car keys from her, but didn't expect her to rummage through his pick up truck getting the truck keys.
She'd gotten in the truck and left.
She's stage 5/6-ish of Alzheimers.
She was gone, and he didn't know where she'd went.
As he explained that she'd been having a really bad day, telling him she couldn't stay in the house with a man (she doesn't understand he's her husband) all I could think about was: 5 hours.
It would take me 5 hours to get there.
It was too painfully far away.
In those following minutes as he told me what happened all I could say was "Oh God, oh God, oh God, oh God, oh God." There weren't any other words for it. There was no eloquence, nothing. Just the knowledge that He knew the need and all I had to do was climb to His feet and hang my hopes there.
Thankfully, God answered the prayer and she turned around and returned home. My brother and I spent the next 30 minutes telling her that we had hired that man to be there to take care of her and we needed her to stay with him. It got more complicated as she informed us she didn't feel comfortable staying with her ex. (She's bent on the delusion that he left her years ago and just wandered back into the house expecting to live there.)
I could tell you the emotions that run through a person during moments like that, but I'm learning to be strong during these moments now so I did better this time than I would have a year ago.
But afterwards, after we convinced her to stay, after talking to my dad, after spending 2 hours finishing up a vicious game of Star Wars Monopoly with my nephew completely wiping me out, I was able to think past the event to something far greater.
Groanings that cannot be uttered.
When my heart is in such agony that I cannot find the words to say, when my being is so intense on the outcome that I need in a situation, that is when my prayers change to something unintelligible.
And that is what the Holy Spirit does for me. He interceeds for me with groanings that cannot be uttered.
I see it as human and emotional to be so deeply involved in my prayers that I'm unable to form the words, that only an urgent, gut wrenching groan can make it to the surface. Yet, this is how the Holy Spirit interceeds for me.
It was a vivid, though painful reminder of Gods love for me and you.
Oh how He loves us.
All that isn't to say that I wouldn't give anything not to have this lesson. To not learn of Gods love this way. There isn't anything I wouldn't give to have her be ok.
But my God is the such that even in the worst, most sickening moments of my life, He can show me something extraordinary to give me comfort. The same Holy Spirit that interceeds for me so earnestly, interceeds for my mother as well, and for all those people I've scrawled on my little prayer list.
Oh God.
Saturday, August 01, 2009
God is on your side.
Instantly, as I typed the title of this post, the traditional religious remark came to mind "God doesn't need to be on your side, YOU need to be on GODS side."
And I'm remembering a recent post someone wrote about how Christians too often think God has done something for them when in actuality God does nothing except for His own glory.
And while initially, arguments like that resonate with me and I tend to agree - I have seen a pattern of things in my life where I was the only one who knew what God did. So the glory He would have received from it would have only come from me. But that means the only reason God does nice things for me is so that I will glorify Him.
That speaks a lot about motivation. He didn't do it because He loved, but because He would be glorified.
I'm horrible about arguing spiritual points simply because someone who has actually studied scripture (as opposed to my read-and-think method) usually knocks my arguments over with verse after verse. And here I sit with only John 3:16.
For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son that whosoever believeth on Him should not perish but have everlasting life.
His motivations are spoken of in that verse. It's typical cause and effect. Because God loved us He sent His Son.
Perhaps I get caught away with an overly emotional view of God but, I can't help but believe that God loves us first, and an effect of that is glory.
All that to tell this story.
I went to a church program this morning. They were giving out school supplies so my sister-in-law and I took the kids by at the invitation of a lady we'd met in the supermarket the night before.
2 hours later, we'd stood waiting, while they blared incredible loud hip hop music through the speakers. We'd watched kids take the stage and do "Dance offs", play multiple rounds of "Let's make a deal", and a fashion show. We'd been subjected to a barrage of sales people - State Farm, Allstate, two different home health agencies, credit card applications, jewelry sales, and 2 different entities wanting to take the kids fingerprints.
I saw a world around me that, while some may have known God, I knew many of them probably didn't - and here, trapped in this large auditorium with an incredible opportunity to tell them of Gods love, they didn't. After 2 hours of waiting, (because they only passed out the school supplies twice an hour to the first 15 people in line) we left mid-fashion show.
I walked away disappointed. Where was God in all this? I was hurt, and more than a little tired because I've been bearing the standard "There ARE Christians, true, God-seeking Christians here in this town." and while I have found them, there are just so many other examples of what Christianity shouldn't be here that it's overwhelming.
I came home, snapped at my family, and told them to go on their plans for the afternoons outing without me. Then, I found my quiet place and tearfully asked God "Where is Your Church?"
I could think of no other question than that. I was angry, disappointed, hurt, tired, frustrated, and a few more synonyms for "upset" that I can't think about right now.
An hour later, my family left on their plans.
30 minutes after that a pastor showed up at my door.
He, and his congregant, wanted to thank us for coming to his church last week and talk to us.
They both sat and talked about biblical things with me for an hour.
I was sorry to see them go.
I believe God had a special timing for that visit, maybe nothing about our unplanned and certainly impromptu stop at their church last week was supposed to mean anything for anyone else but I believe God knew I could use some one to talk to today.
And I think He did it just because He really truly loves me and cares about my needs.
And that's why I wanted to write this - to give Him glory.
And I'm remembering a recent post someone wrote about how Christians too often think God has done something for them when in actuality God does nothing except for His own glory.
And while initially, arguments like that resonate with me and I tend to agree - I have seen a pattern of things in my life where I was the only one who knew what God did. So the glory He would have received from it would have only come from me. But that means the only reason God does nice things for me is so that I will glorify Him.
That speaks a lot about motivation. He didn't do it because He loved, but because He would be glorified.
I'm horrible about arguing spiritual points simply because someone who has actually studied scripture (as opposed to my read-and-think method) usually knocks my arguments over with verse after verse. And here I sit with only John 3:16.
For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son that whosoever believeth on Him should not perish but have everlasting life.
His motivations are spoken of in that verse. It's typical cause and effect. Because God loved us He sent His Son.
Perhaps I get caught away with an overly emotional view of God but, I can't help but believe that God loves us first, and an effect of that is glory.
All that to tell this story.
I went to a church program this morning. They were giving out school supplies so my sister-in-law and I took the kids by at the invitation of a lady we'd met in the supermarket the night before.
2 hours later, we'd stood waiting, while they blared incredible loud hip hop music through the speakers. We'd watched kids take the stage and do "Dance offs", play multiple rounds of "Let's make a deal", and a fashion show. We'd been subjected to a barrage of sales people - State Farm, Allstate, two different home health agencies, credit card applications, jewelry sales, and 2 different entities wanting to take the kids fingerprints.
I saw a world around me that, while some may have known God, I knew many of them probably didn't - and here, trapped in this large auditorium with an incredible opportunity to tell them of Gods love, they didn't. After 2 hours of waiting, (because they only passed out the school supplies twice an hour to the first 15 people in line) we left mid-fashion show.
I walked away disappointed. Where was God in all this? I was hurt, and more than a little tired because I've been bearing the standard "There ARE Christians, true, God-seeking Christians here in this town." and while I have found them, there are just so many other examples of what Christianity shouldn't be here that it's overwhelming.
I came home, snapped at my family, and told them to go on their plans for the afternoons outing without me. Then, I found my quiet place and tearfully asked God "Where is Your Church?"
I could think of no other question than that. I was angry, disappointed, hurt, tired, frustrated, and a few more synonyms for "upset" that I can't think about right now.
An hour later, my family left on their plans.
30 minutes after that a pastor showed up at my door.
He, and his congregant, wanted to thank us for coming to his church last week and talk to us.
They both sat and talked about biblical things with me for an hour.
I was sorry to see them go.
I believe God had a special timing for that visit, maybe nothing about our unplanned and certainly impromptu stop at their church last week was supposed to mean anything for anyone else but I believe God knew I could use some one to talk to today.
And I think He did it just because He really truly loves me and cares about my needs.
And that's why I wanted to write this - to give Him glory.
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Exceedingly and abundantly beyond all I can ask or think according to the power that worketh in me
I wanted to wait until I had something more solid but I wanted to share this interesting note.
I have been looking for work in San Antonio since about May. Since that time I've received little to no leads.
This is July... so I did what I do better than I do most other things. I took my job hunt to God. And I fasted for 2 days seeking Gods direction and leading in what He wanted me to do.
During those two days I got two phone calls setting up interviews.
I ended my fast.
My phone went entirely silent again.
I began yet another fast today.
Today I got two more phone calls.
It really doesn't mean as much unless you imagine weeks of applications and resumes and no response whatsoever. And then suddenly, I fast and interviews begin.
I almost (almost) think joblessness is the most exciting thing I've ever done. My only job is to do my best at applying for as many jobs as I can, and then simply trust God for the rest. It's... challenging and wonderful all at the same time.
Today, one of the calls I received is for a job that I have refused over and over again. People have asked me to do it for years, and I refused. And in fact, when I applied (almost as a joke) I made a point of telling them that I've refused the job before because I didn't feel I could do it.
They called saying they liked my honesty.
I hung up laughing at Gods crazy ways.
God is good. Quirky and crazy, Holy and Magnificent. And I cannot even imagine where He's going to take me next.
And I'm ok with that.
I have been looking for work in San Antonio since about May. Since that time I've received little to no leads.
This is July... so I did what I do better than I do most other things. I took my job hunt to God. And I fasted for 2 days seeking Gods direction and leading in what He wanted me to do.
During those two days I got two phone calls setting up interviews.
I ended my fast.
My phone went entirely silent again.
I began yet another fast today.
Today I got two more phone calls.
It really doesn't mean as much unless you imagine weeks of applications and resumes and no response whatsoever. And then suddenly, I fast and interviews begin.
I almost (almost) think joblessness is the most exciting thing I've ever done. My only job is to do my best at applying for as many jobs as I can, and then simply trust God for the rest. It's... challenging and wonderful all at the same time.
Today, one of the calls I received is for a job that I have refused over and over again. People have asked me to do it for years, and I refused. And in fact, when I applied (almost as a joke) I made a point of telling them that I've refused the job before because I didn't feel I could do it.
They called saying they liked my honesty.
I hung up laughing at Gods crazy ways.
God is good. Quirky and crazy, Holy and Magnificent. And I cannot even imagine where He's going to take me next.
And I'm ok with that.
Sunday, July 12, 2009
God is NOT a hobby.
This morning before church I was in our little room playing the piano, I was playing various worship songs and choruses when something came up and I stopped playing to talk to someone about trash.
Literally, trash.
Someone taking out the trash and the duties assigned with it.
Then I carried on playing my worship songs.
Some little thought niggled at me, but I didn't stop to think it out. It was about time to finish getting ready to go so after a bit I just stopped playing and got ready.
~~~~~~~~~~
We tried a new church today. Christian Family Church. They had a 9am service and an 11am service and since my brother is throwing a paper route in the middle of the night we let him sleep late so we could go to the 11 o'clock service.
As we got to the church the 9am folks are leaving. I was a little disturbed to see people in shorts, jeans, t-shirts, some walking by chatting on cell phones and holding their coffee cups.
I was trying to shrug that off as I went in to where the worship service has already started, and I was trying desperately to enter in and worship, worship but I notice I'm having difficulty tuning out all the distractions around me. People are walking around, talking, chatting... I remind myself to focus... the ushers are constantly walking up and down the aisles... focus... the people two aisles up are talking and laughing with each other... focus... someone pushes in a stroller with an icee...
That was my undoing.
I wasn't sure if it was right or not (I am still not sure), but suddenly I just couldn't sing. I did not want my voice mingled in with theirs. Even when they settled down a little bit towards the end and the singing seemed more focused I just kept thinking over and over again "lukewarm... lukewarm...lukewarm...." I didn't want to be a part of anything that God would want to spit out with distaste.
I could have been entirely wrong for feeling this way. But my entire being was wishing they would stop singing.
I couldn't stop the tears from falling down my face. It hurt. I didn't want God treated badly, disrespected, treated so haphazardly. And I felt He was.
It was during this, that God reminded me of my morning activities. I was playing words such as "worthy is the Lamb seated on the throne. We crown You now with many crowns.."
Then talking about trash.
Then returned to "I worship You almighty God, there is none like You..."
... I was ashamed of myself.
But I was thankful for the new understanding of reverence and holiness in my life.
When I stop what I'm doing and I begin doing something unto God, whether singing a song or playing the piano, praying, I need to remember that what I'm doing during that moment is the most important thing I'm doing. Because God is worthy of it.
God is HOLY. And as such, when I offer Him something then in respect to that Holiness I need to make sure that I don't allow anything else to become more important or intrude. It broke my heart today to know that I had done that to Him. To know that something that was repulsing me so much, had been in my own heart.
It's kind of like finding a polluted sewage pond, and running from it, only to discover that your drinking water comes from said pond.
I've been seeking God for holiness, righteousness, that I would walk uprightly in as pure a way as He can create in me. So this painful revelation today was special to me, and I count it as an answer to prayer.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The church was still awful. We sat through a 10 minute sermon on why you should tithe (which I certainly agree with) before the pastor finally came on and literally unveiled a giant HDTV (and when I say giant, I'm telling you it was over 10 foot tall) and he did this so he could discuss the new sign they were buying. A big HDTV sign, 30' by 25'. (Obviously, the reason they need you faithful in your tithes.)
We spent 10 minutes listening to him talk about the glory of the sign when I passed the note begging that we could go. We walked out.
Ironically enough, they introduced the idea with the scripture saying we should into to all the world and make disciples, and how 70% of their visitors came from friends and family referrals and only 7% came from their billboard.
They actually claimed that now, all of their traffic would come from the new sign.
*snide comment not added here, but trust me when I say it's hard not to say it*
Please pray for us as we look for a church home here. I'm okay with going to church after church, (though it's certainly not my preference) but I'm not interested in going to churches that don't worship God with reverence and sincerity. I'm praying for wisdom, and a finely tuned ear to the direction God may want us to go.
Meanwhile, my lesson in Holiness today tells me that God is not my hobby. And must not be treated as such. When I sit down to enjoy a moment with Him, it's not the same as playing with a postage stamp collection, or some scrapbook endeavor. Instantly, an ordinary moment of an ordinary day is completely transformed into a moment when you, simple ordinary you, arrest attention from the Almighty King of all Kings.
It's important.
It's also important to remember that God can teach you something even in the worst and most dreadful of circumstances. Problems and bad events in your life are not for no reason whatsoever. They are there for a purpose and a season and God will use it for your benefit.
Always and forever.
Literally, trash.
Someone taking out the trash and the duties assigned with it.
Then I carried on playing my worship songs.
Some little thought niggled at me, but I didn't stop to think it out. It was about time to finish getting ready to go so after a bit I just stopped playing and got ready.
~~~~~~~~~~
We tried a new church today. Christian Family Church. They had a 9am service and an 11am service and since my brother is throwing a paper route in the middle of the night we let him sleep late so we could go to the 11 o'clock service.
As we got to the church the 9am folks are leaving. I was a little disturbed to see people in shorts, jeans, t-shirts, some walking by chatting on cell phones and holding their coffee cups.
I was trying to shrug that off as I went in to where the worship service has already started, and I was trying desperately to enter in and worship, worship but I notice I'm having difficulty tuning out all the distractions around me. People are walking around, talking, chatting... I remind myself to focus... the ushers are constantly walking up and down the aisles... focus... the people two aisles up are talking and laughing with each other... focus... someone pushes in a stroller with an icee...
That was my undoing.
I wasn't sure if it was right or not (I am still not sure), but suddenly I just couldn't sing. I did not want my voice mingled in with theirs. Even when they settled down a little bit towards the end and the singing seemed more focused I just kept thinking over and over again "lukewarm... lukewarm...lukewarm...." I didn't want to be a part of anything that God would want to spit out with distaste.
I could have been entirely wrong for feeling this way. But my entire being was wishing they would stop singing.
I couldn't stop the tears from falling down my face. It hurt. I didn't want God treated badly, disrespected, treated so haphazardly. And I felt He was.
It was during this, that God reminded me of my morning activities. I was playing words such as "worthy is the Lamb seated on the throne. We crown You now with many crowns.."
Then talking about trash.
Then returned to "I worship You almighty God, there is none like You..."
... I was ashamed of myself.
But I was thankful for the new understanding of reverence and holiness in my life.
When I stop what I'm doing and I begin doing something unto God, whether singing a song or playing the piano, praying, I need to remember that what I'm doing during that moment is the most important thing I'm doing. Because God is worthy of it.
God is HOLY. And as such, when I offer Him something then in respect to that Holiness I need to make sure that I don't allow anything else to become more important or intrude. It broke my heart today to know that I had done that to Him. To know that something that was repulsing me so much, had been in my own heart.
It's kind of like finding a polluted sewage pond, and running from it, only to discover that your drinking water comes from said pond.
I've been seeking God for holiness, righteousness, that I would walk uprightly in as pure a way as He can create in me. So this painful revelation today was special to me, and I count it as an answer to prayer.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The church was still awful. We sat through a 10 minute sermon on why you should tithe (which I certainly agree with) before the pastor finally came on and literally unveiled a giant HDTV (and when I say giant, I'm telling you it was over 10 foot tall) and he did this so he could discuss the new sign they were buying. A big HDTV sign, 30' by 25'. (Obviously, the reason they need you faithful in your tithes.)
We spent 10 minutes listening to him talk about the glory of the sign when I passed the note begging that we could go. We walked out.
Ironically enough, they introduced the idea with the scripture saying we should into to all the world and make disciples, and how 70% of their visitors came from friends and family referrals and only 7% came from their billboard.
They actually claimed that now, all of their traffic would come from the new sign.
*snide comment not added here, but trust me when I say it's hard not to say it*
Please pray for us as we look for a church home here. I'm okay with going to church after church, (though it's certainly not my preference) but I'm not interested in going to churches that don't worship God with reverence and sincerity. I'm praying for wisdom, and a finely tuned ear to the direction God may want us to go.
Meanwhile, my lesson in Holiness today tells me that God is not my hobby. And must not be treated as such. When I sit down to enjoy a moment with Him, it's not the same as playing with a postage stamp collection, or some scrapbook endeavor. Instantly, an ordinary moment of an ordinary day is completely transformed into a moment when you, simple ordinary you, arrest attention from the Almighty King of all Kings.
It's important.
It's also important to remember that God can teach you something even in the worst and most dreadful of circumstances. Problems and bad events in your life are not for no reason whatsoever. They are there for a purpose and a season and God will use it for your benefit.
Always and forever.
Saturday, June 27, 2009
Faith, wavering. Faith? Receive nothing of the Lord?
Faith, nothing wavering.
"Count it all joy," James wrote, "when you fall into diverse temptations. Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience. But let patience have her perfect work that ye may be perfect, and entire, wanting nothing."
"If any of you lack wisdom," he adds, "let Him ask of God that giveth to all men liberally and upbraideth not and it shall be given him. But let him ask in faith, nothing wavering. For he that wavereth is like a wave of the sea driven with the wind and tossed."
"For let not that man think that he shall receive anything of the Lord."
... I'm strangely reminded of (not surprising to know my mind is working in a strange way...) the movie "You're a good man Charlie Brown." Terrific movie if you haven't seen it. In one vital scene all the Peanuts gang is circled around Charlie Brown giving him the song of his life, "YOU COULD BE KING CHARLIE BROWN, YOU COULD BE KIINNNNGGG!" they bellow ever so loudly.
Then Lucy, good ol' Lucy, finishes if off with "If only you weren't so wishy-washy."
End scene.
Everyone knows someone wishy-washy. I'd hazard a guess that you yourself are wishy washy on certain things. I'm so wishy washy that I've spent the last two months of my life saying boldly "Gods going to do something amazing." almost immediately followed by the nail biting crazy-eyed statement "What is God doing?"
On the drive - the very l o n g drive to San Antonio following the Penske truck with all my possessions in it (except of course the possessions crammed in my trunk and backseat) I found myself quoting those verses from James to myself over and over again. At one point I was even yelling the primary one I was focused in on. "For let not that man think that he shall receive anything of the Lord."
What?
When is the last time you wrote a letter to someone and felt confident enough to say "If so-n-so does _______ I hope you make sure he knows he's not going to get his prayers answered."
Yeah, I didn't write a letter like that either. Probably never will. (Though, now I may have jinxed it.)
But it's one of the few places that I know of... ok, the only one that I know of but I'm only familiar with this one because I memorized the first chapter of James at one point - I'm sure there's more in the Bible if I look for it. But it's the only place that I know of where someone says "If you do this, God will not give you what you're asking for."
Sure there are tips on HOW to get what you're asking for... pure heart, Gods will, no brothers with ought against you, etc. but no other that tells me: "God WILL say no."
I find this very important. Because these have been the two crazy walk-away-from-everythingmost months and asking in "faith, nothing wavering" is difficult. Nothing wavering? Not even a little bit? Oh come on...
But I can't change what God said.
And, though I've asked, God didn't rewrite that portion of the Bible for me. Believe me, I checked.
Faith, nothing wavering.
Lord I have faith...
Help Thou my unbelief.
And you know what... as wishy-washy as that prayer sounds I believe you can let this girl think she'll receive something of the Lord. You'd be hard pressed to convince me otherwise.
"If any of you lack wisdom," he adds, "let Him ask of God that giveth to all men liberally and upbraideth not and it shall be given him. But let him ask in faith, nothing wavering. For he that wavereth is like a wave of the sea driven with the wind and tossed."
"For let not that man think that he shall receive anything of the Lord."
... I'm strangely reminded of (not surprising to know my mind is working in a strange way...) the movie "You're a good man Charlie Brown." Terrific movie if you haven't seen it. In one vital scene all the Peanuts gang is circled around Charlie Brown giving him the song of his life, "YOU COULD BE KING CHARLIE BROWN, YOU COULD BE KIINNNNGGG!" they bellow ever so loudly.
Then Lucy, good ol' Lucy, finishes if off with "If only you weren't so wishy-washy."
End scene.
Everyone knows someone wishy-washy. I'd hazard a guess that you yourself are wishy washy on certain things. I'm so wishy washy that I've spent the last two months of my life saying boldly "Gods going to do something amazing." almost immediately followed by the nail biting crazy-eyed statement "What is God doing?"
On the drive - the very l o n g drive to San Antonio following the Penske truck with all my possessions in it (except of course the possessions crammed in my trunk and backseat) I found myself quoting those verses from James to myself over and over again. At one point I was even yelling the primary one I was focused in on. "For let not that man think that he shall receive anything of the Lord."
What?
When is the last time you wrote a letter to someone and felt confident enough to say "If so-n-so does _______ I hope you make sure he knows he's not going to get his prayers answered."
Yeah, I didn't write a letter like that either. Probably never will. (Though, now I may have jinxed it.)
But it's one of the few places that I know of... ok, the only one that I know of but I'm only familiar with this one because I memorized the first chapter of James at one point - I'm sure there's more in the Bible if I look for it. But it's the only place that I know of where someone says "If you do this, God will not give you what you're asking for."
Sure there are tips on HOW to get what you're asking for... pure heart, Gods will, no brothers with ought against you, etc. but no other that tells me: "God WILL say no."
I find this very important. Because these have been the two crazy walk-away-from-
But I can't change what God said.
And, though I've asked, God didn't rewrite that portion of the Bible for me. Believe me, I checked.
Faith, nothing wavering.
Lord I have faith...
Help Thou my unbelief.
And you know what... as wishy-washy as that prayer sounds I believe you can let this girl think she'll receive something of the Lord. You'd be hard pressed to convince me otherwise.
Thursday, June 11, 2009
My move.
It's about time I posted, but the annoying thing is that I need to write about the move first... it just seems natural and necessary. But so much has happened since the move that I want to write about that it's hard for me to mentally backtrack to the move.
I'm profoundly thankful that it's over. We're here. We're slowly getting settled.
The house is beautiful, one set of neighbors actually brought us oatmeal chocolate chip cookies, and the husband - who looks like a very proficient salesman - winked at me when he shook my hand. Picture any of the neighbors on "The Truman Show" and you've got a good idea of our neighbors.
The city is... big. That part takes some getting used to. Everything in the world is seemingly within 3 miles of the place yet, it takes about 15 minutes to get to it still. Not all, but if you've ever lived in a big city you know what I mean.
The one and only exciting part of driving a 28 foot truck toting a car carrier with a minivan loading with stuff 330 miles was when we pulled into a gas station not meant for trucks and spent 20 minutes trying to back it out onto a 3 lane service road. My poor brother at the wheel, my poor sister-in-law trying to help him navigate, and me using my body to block 2 lanes of traffic. It was quite a moment.
One that, thankfully, is over.
As for being here - I feel confident, and patient. We have absolutely no money now (quite a bit went into the move) and yet we have small ways of procuring it that seemingly will tide us over.We're not hurting, our needs are supplied quite adequately, but for once our wants are having to sit back and sit in submission to our new frugality.
As I returned from a quick trip back to where I just moved from I struggled with the feeling that this new world isn't "my" world yet. And I find myself just waiting to see what's going to happen next. Again, it's odd how patient this is, though sometimes there's a bit of longing in there to have it already 'handled' and see how it's going to end but for the most part.
I sometimes just sit and wonder, what is God doing? What's just around the next bend?
I had some moments where I questioned - is this all really God? Mostly because the entire thing just seems so unreal sometimes. But on the way up here, I was quoting some of my favorite verses from James.
"If any of you lack wisdom let him ask of God that giveth to all men liberally and upbraideth not and it shall be given him. But let him ask in faith, nothing wavering, for he that wavereth is like a wave of the sea, driven with the wind and tossed. For let not that man think that he shall receive anything of the Lord."
(I might have gotten a few words off, but that's pretty much what the verses say starting just a few verses into chapter 1 of James.)
And I realized how much I ask for I ask wavering. I do things very waveringly most of the time. I go for something and talk with faith about it, but then in the back of my mind (and sometimes in my conversation) I include the disclaimer how it's not as nice, or it's flaws, or how I "won't be disappointed if it doesn't happen."
But I want to start being disappointed. I want to ask in faith with every ounce of me pushing for what it is I'm praying for. I don't want my words to waver, I don't want my heart to waver. I simply want to pray asking, believing, and hoping with all I am.
So, while I don't quite feel "at home" yet, I'm holding firmly to the confirmation I received before the move that told me to go. It's all I know to do. And I'm holding firm, I refuse to allow myself to waver. Because I need something great from God while I'm here. I need a great many things of the Lord while I'm here. So I choose to speak, and act, and believe in faith, nothing wavering.
And that's my move.
I'm profoundly thankful that it's over. We're here. We're slowly getting settled.
The house is beautiful, one set of neighbors actually brought us oatmeal chocolate chip cookies, and the husband - who looks like a very proficient salesman - winked at me when he shook my hand. Picture any of the neighbors on "The Truman Show" and you've got a good idea of our neighbors.
The city is... big. That part takes some getting used to. Everything in the world is seemingly within 3 miles of the place yet, it takes about 15 minutes to get to it still. Not all, but if you've ever lived in a big city you know what I mean.
The one and only exciting part of driving a 28 foot truck toting a car carrier with a minivan loading with stuff 330 miles was when we pulled into a gas station not meant for trucks and spent 20 minutes trying to back it out onto a 3 lane service road. My poor brother at the wheel, my poor sister-in-law trying to help him navigate, and me using my body to block 2 lanes of traffic. It was quite a moment.
One that, thankfully, is over.
As for being here - I feel confident, and patient. We have absolutely no money now (quite a bit went into the move) and yet we have small ways of procuring it that seemingly will tide us over.We're not hurting, our needs are supplied quite adequately, but for once our wants are having to sit back and sit in submission to our new frugality.
As I returned from a quick trip back to where I just moved from I struggled with the feeling that this new world isn't "my" world yet. And I find myself just waiting to see what's going to happen next. Again, it's odd how patient this is, though sometimes there's a bit of longing in there to have it already 'handled' and see how it's going to end but for the most part.
I sometimes just sit and wonder, what is God doing? What's just around the next bend?
I had some moments where I questioned - is this all really God? Mostly because the entire thing just seems so unreal sometimes. But on the way up here, I was quoting some of my favorite verses from James.
"If any of you lack wisdom let him ask of God that giveth to all men liberally and upbraideth not and it shall be given him. But let him ask in faith, nothing wavering, for he that wavereth is like a wave of the sea, driven with the wind and tossed. For let not that man think that he shall receive anything of the Lord."
(I might have gotten a few words off, but that's pretty much what the verses say starting just a few verses into chapter 1 of James.)
And I realized how much I ask for I ask wavering. I do things very waveringly most of the time. I go for something and talk with faith about it, but then in the back of my mind (and sometimes in my conversation) I include the disclaimer how it's not as nice, or it's flaws, or how I "won't be disappointed if it doesn't happen."
But I want to start being disappointed. I want to ask in faith with every ounce of me pushing for what it is I'm praying for. I don't want my words to waver, I don't want my heart to waver. I simply want to pray asking, believing, and hoping with all I am.
So, while I don't quite feel "at home" yet, I'm holding firmly to the confirmation I received before the move that told me to go. It's all I know to do. And I'm holding firm, I refuse to allow myself to waver. Because I need something great from God while I'm here. I need a great many things of the Lord while I'm here. So I choose to speak, and act, and believe in faith, nothing wavering.
And that's my move.
Thursday, May 28, 2009
The angry post.
**Disclaimer, I am officially ranting at myself. I will be broad and generalize in some areas because if this hits you too then I am very thankful. If I mention something that you specifically are doing then I assure you I am not trying to hit you, but it's because I'm trying to think of examples and that is one. You can be a perfectly good Christian and do whatever you're doing that I use as an example I'm sure. So please know, this is a rant specifically aimed at myself because I need to hear it and no one else will say it to me. And yes, I am angry.**
STOP.
Just stop with all the petty excuses, stop with all the flowery words and religious mumbo jumbo talk. The blogging world doesn't need to hear it, your co-workers don't need to hear it, your church family doesn't need to hear it. Just stop PLEASE.
Now repent.
Your one and only number one priority is to be a Christian.
It's not to be a good daughter, good wife, good friend, good employee.
You are to be a Christian.
So when you make some stupid thing, more important than chasing after the holiness and righteousness of God - then you are shallow. The world doesn't need any more shallow Christians. The world needs a Christian, YOU, to be spending time in Gods Word, and in PRAYER (not just the prayers you pray while doing your household chores but undivided attention, focused, heart-rendered PRAYER). EVERY SINGLE DAY. And I don't mean 15 minutes a day.
DO YOU GET THAT?
15 minutes a day?
Are you really going to change the world by spending 15 minutes with God a day?
Clean laundry is NOT more important than your time digging into Gods word and praying EVERY SINGLE DAY.
Your kids t-ball game? NOT MORE IMPORTANT. And if your kids t-ball game is going to interfere with that time with God, guess what - T-ball needs to be unenrolled from. Oh, and if that t-ball game keeps you from church then you never should have enrolled in the first place.
MY JOB is not to make sure that my niece and nephew knows their Aunt Net loves them. *And it hurts a little bit just to write that out. MY JOB is to seek GOD with all my HEART, and with all my SOUL, and with all my MIGHT. And I'M NOT DOING THAT.
There are many around me weak and sick because I've made TRASH more important than that purposeful EVERY SINGLE DAY time with God. I'm not tapped into power that I should be tapped into, because I haven't paid the cost, I haven't sought the LORD with all my MIGHT.
I want to be a Christian. But I DO NOT want to be like the Christians I know. Because we are all weak and foolish. We have L O S T what our purpose is as a child of God, and became mediocre respectable clones of what "Good Christian Folk" should look like.
Church is not to be a place where respectable people come to act respectably. Church is where children of God show up to confess their faults to each other, to provoke each other to good works, to pray for one another. And that's why I should never have dared to miss. Because I'm not supposed to have gone for what I can get, but because I have a responsibility to my church family to be there to do those things for them as well.
So when I skipped church because I was SICK. I was insane.
Because that is where the collective power of healing prayer should be the strongest.
I confess, IT'S NOT. But it's HIGH TIME that I started expecting things of the church people. It's high time I showed up sick, and vomiting and walked in expecting these people to have BEEN IN TOUCH WITH GOD during the week so that the prayer of faith can save the sick.
It's time, no, it's PAST TIME I came in to church expecting something, reached out for something and was bitterly and vocally disappointed if I didn't get it, and maybe even refused to leave until I did. But I don't have a single right to complain if I've allowed work, or packing, or painting, or whatever to come between me and MY EVERY DAY TIME WITH GOD.
It's high time I unpacked God from His simple place in everything that I do and said HE MUST HAVE DEVOTED TIME EVERY SINGLE DAY.
And that's all there is to it. Christians are weak, and pathetic compared to what God would have us be. I am weak, and pathetic compared to what God would have me be. And it's all because I've let other things be and s t a y more important. DEAR GOD I'M SORRY!
What have I done? How dare I have spent all this time blogging... over a 1000 posts, talking about God but, too busy blogging to give Him REAL time so that He can work in me what HE WILLS. Oh GOD be merciful to me a foolish child!
The problem, I so often tell myself, is that I just don't have enough time, or that I'm tired. And the absolute truth of the matter is that whatever else I did that day, whether it's dishes, laundry, family time, or even volunteer work was allowed to be more important than God to me. I can excuse it away, I can say it's not so, but that's simply not true. And so whatever I'm doing that's keeping me from that time needs to be cut out from me.
And here's the clincher - I probably don't want to let it go.
That's why it's been there for God knows how long preventing me from spending GOOD SOLID AMOUNTS OF TIME in Gods word, and in earnest prayer each day.
Which, with this revelation, leaves me at an impasse: Do I let it go? Or do I put God second?
And if I put God second to whatever it is, that tells me I have made it an idol in my heart. And God is clearly a jealous God who covets every last bit of me. And for the record, carrying on and not changing IS a choice in itself. And a slap directly into the face of God. It's SIN.
............
The problem isn't that I fill my time with sins. I can fill it with so many good works. But God wants me to seek Him, seek Him FIRST and FOREMOST, and then He will add things to me that I might be working to add to myself right now (to the exclusion of God).
Christianity has to be the simplest thing in the world.
Love God, seek God FIRST.
It's only complicated because to put God first, whatever is first now has to move. And that's a struggle of the highest degree.
God help me die. Please God help me die to myself. I don't want to be a halfway Christian. I don't want to live a life for myself with You simply a part of it rather than the whole of it. Because that's what I'm doing now. And it shouldn't be that way. I can sing the song about You burning away sin and dross, but when I do I'm always talking about sin. Dross is defined as "waste, base, inferior" and that's what everything is compared to You.
Yet I spend more time reading blogs than Your word. I spent more time checking and responding to e-mails than praying. I spend entire weekends deeply focused on my niece and nephew, yet You gets 2.5hrs Sunday morning and 1hr Sunday night and the random worship evening in my home. I'm sorry God. So sorry. This life, I get that it needs to be all consuming. But also, when You consume it I won't have lost everything. Everything would be consumed right along with me. I wouldn't lose. I would only win. But, dying is hard to do that's why I need help.
I want more of You Lord, You must increase and I must decrease.
Please God, HELP!
STOP.
Just stop with all the petty excuses, stop with all the flowery words and religious mumbo jumbo talk. The blogging world doesn't need to hear it, your co-workers don't need to hear it, your church family doesn't need to hear it. Just stop PLEASE.
Now repent.
Your one and only number one priority is to be a Christian.
It's not to be a good daughter, good wife, good friend, good employee.
You are to be a Christian.
So when you make some stupid thing, more important than chasing after the holiness and righteousness of God - then you are shallow. The world doesn't need any more shallow Christians. The world needs a Christian, YOU, to be spending time in Gods Word, and in PRAYER (not just the prayers you pray while doing your household chores but undivided attention, focused, heart-rendered PRAYER). EVERY SINGLE DAY. And I don't mean 15 minutes a day.
DO YOU GET THAT?
15 minutes a day?
Are you really going to change the world by spending 15 minutes with God a day?
Clean laundry is NOT more important than your time digging into Gods word and praying EVERY SINGLE DAY.
Your kids t-ball game? NOT MORE IMPORTANT. And if your kids t-ball game is going to interfere with that time with God, guess what - T-ball needs to be unenrolled from. Oh, and if that t-ball game keeps you from church then you never should have enrolled in the first place.
MY JOB is not to make sure that my niece and nephew knows their Aunt Net loves them. *And it hurts a little bit just to write that out. MY JOB is to seek GOD with all my HEART, and with all my SOUL, and with all my MIGHT. And I'M NOT DOING THAT.
There are many around me weak and sick because I've made TRASH more important than that purposeful EVERY SINGLE DAY time with God. I'm not tapped into power that I should be tapped into, because I haven't paid the cost, I haven't sought the LORD with all my MIGHT.
I want to be a Christian. But I DO NOT want to be like the Christians I know. Because we are all weak and foolish. We have L O S T what our purpose is as a child of God, and became mediocre respectable clones of what "Good Christian Folk" should look like.
Church is not to be a place where respectable people come to act respectably. Church is where children of God show up to confess their faults to each other, to provoke each other to good works, to pray for one another. And that's why I should never have dared to miss. Because I'm not supposed to have gone for what I can get, but because I have a responsibility to my church family to be there to do those things for them as well.
So when I skipped church because I was SICK. I was insane.
Because that is where the collective power of healing prayer should be the strongest.
I confess, IT'S NOT. But it's HIGH TIME that I started expecting things of the church people. It's high time I showed up sick, and vomiting and walked in expecting these people to have BEEN IN TOUCH WITH GOD during the week so that the prayer of faith can save the sick.
It's time, no, it's PAST TIME I came in to church expecting something, reached out for something and was bitterly and vocally disappointed if I didn't get it, and maybe even refused to leave until I did. But I don't have a single right to complain if I've allowed work, or packing, or painting, or whatever to come between me and MY EVERY DAY TIME WITH GOD.
It's high time I unpacked God from His simple place in everything that I do and said HE MUST HAVE DEVOTED TIME EVERY SINGLE DAY.
And that's all there is to it. Christians are weak, and pathetic compared to what God would have us be. I am weak, and pathetic compared to what God would have me be. And it's all because I've let other things be and s t a y more important. DEAR GOD I'M SORRY!
What have I done? How dare I have spent all this time blogging... over a 1000 posts, talking about God but, too busy blogging to give Him REAL time so that He can work in me what HE WILLS. Oh GOD be merciful to me a foolish child!
The problem, I so often tell myself, is that I just don't have enough time, or that I'm tired. And the absolute truth of the matter is that whatever else I did that day, whether it's dishes, laundry, family time, or even volunteer work was allowed to be more important than God to me. I can excuse it away, I can say it's not so, but that's simply not true. And so whatever I'm doing that's keeping me from that time needs to be cut out from me.
And here's the clincher - I probably don't want to let it go.
That's why it's been there for God knows how long preventing me from spending GOOD SOLID AMOUNTS OF TIME in Gods word, and in earnest prayer each day.
Which, with this revelation, leaves me at an impasse: Do I let it go? Or do I put God second?
And if I put God second to whatever it is, that tells me I have made it an idol in my heart. And God is clearly a jealous God who covets every last bit of me. And for the record, carrying on and not changing IS a choice in itself. And a slap directly into the face of God. It's SIN.
............
The problem isn't that I fill my time with sins. I can fill it with so many good works. But God wants me to seek Him, seek Him FIRST and FOREMOST, and then He will add things to me that I might be working to add to myself right now (to the exclusion of God).
Christianity has to be the simplest thing in the world.
Love God, seek God FIRST.
It's only complicated because to put God first, whatever is first now has to move. And that's a struggle of the highest degree.
God help me die. Please God help me die to myself. I don't want to be a halfway Christian. I don't want to live a life for myself with You simply a part of it rather than the whole of it. Because that's what I'm doing now. And it shouldn't be that way. I can sing the song about You burning away sin and dross, but when I do I'm always talking about sin. Dross is defined as "waste, base, inferior" and that's what everything is compared to You.
Yet I spend more time reading blogs than Your word. I spent more time checking and responding to e-mails than praying. I spend entire weekends deeply focused on my niece and nephew, yet You gets 2.5hrs Sunday morning and 1hr Sunday night and the random worship evening in my home. I'm sorry God. So sorry. This life, I get that it needs to be all consuming. But also, when You consume it I won't have lost everything. Everything would be consumed right along with me. I wouldn't lose. I would only win. But, dying is hard to do that's why I need help.
I want more of You Lord, You must increase and I must decrease.
Please God, HELP!
Tuesday, January 06, 2009
Campus America
A great video from Campus America (http://www.campusamerica.org/)
What do you pray for?
Special thanks to Nancy, who found it at The Upper Room.
What do you pray for?
Special thanks to Nancy, who found it at The Upper Room.
Sunday, December 28, 2008
Thoughts on church and a prayer and change.
Update: When I think of them, I'm randomly adding names to this post. If you would like your name added, just leave a comment.I've heard, and even repeated the statement before that you can't love God, and hate His bride. And I don't think I hate the church of people... but I walk into that building and often I feel a compression that shrinks down who I am, and what I long to become in God and leaves me feeling a little empty. It's no ones fault, unless I choose to blame myself for it.
I've always been a difficult person. Wanting things, yet completely unable to express what it is I'm wanting. I want big, and small, powerful and wonderfully simple. I want meaningful.
I want God.
This love/hate relationship I have with Church.... I wish it would end. And, as I forever try to 'fix' myself, I wonder about the different ways to stop shrinking when I walk in those doors.
At the same time, it almost seems ungrateful and wrong to use the word 'shrink' when God has worked so much in the last 3 years.
Today, in this very hour, I do feel grateful. I know despite my seemingly incessant hairpulling and groaning, that God has brought me out. I step out, free, and liberated today and simply pray He keeps the wolves of sin from me. The fears and doubts and protective wall that I so diligently guard myself with leave me bitter and frustrated. I choose better. I choose God.
Let me trust so much that I become trust.
Let me believe so much that I become belief.
Let me be so open that I become openness itself.
Let me love so wholly, that I become as Christ.
I do see the new year as opportunity for new beginnings. But I don't want to wait to start those beginnings. I want them now December 28th. May I climb the tree of Life as happy as a child. May I sit as a work wearied laborer under it's branches and find it as refreshing as cool clear water. May I trust in the roots, and find joy in every leaf and find complete nourishment in it's fruit.
Let my soul be satisfied in You Oh Lord. I pray that You would occupy my vision until the things of this world become things seen only through You rather than around You or instead of You. That my words to others would first pass the filter of You. I pray with each and every passing day that I become ever increasingly lost in You, till I wonder what is me, and what is Thee.
I pray Your love and mercies sustain me, and that I would never again doubt in the darkness the decisions I've made in the light. I pray Your right hand of righteousness would uphold me, and I pray for courage as I face the times I desperately need to be upheld.
Help me to no longer trust in this world for my hope. But for You alone to be my hope. That said, I pray my heart would constantly and prayerfully hope for the world.
Consume me Father, consume every fiber of my doubts and fears and each sin that comes between me and You. Until I cannot help but give you all I am, because You are all I desire.
I pray that Christ would be lifted up in this broken and hurting world as Your day of return is ever closer. That all might see. That all might know.
I pray this same prayer for each of these:
Angelica
David
Bella
Marisella
Elyana
Shawna
Phoenix
J.W
Glenda
Linda K.
Linda S.
Will
Steve
Layvon
Nancy M.
Smokey
Cherry
Nancy
Ted
Marie
Grover
Kristi
Seth
John
Rachel
Jeremiah
Allison
David
Liberty
Scott
Dustin
Madison
Deborah M.
Deborah U.
Heber
Haley
Erica
Josh
Zach
Mark
Shelly
Mike B.
Cathy
Deann
Miles
Roger
Jason
Consume them, uphold them, burn away in them the dross that stands between them and Your absolute glory.
Open our eyes Lord, until all we seek is You. Then Father, oh that we might find You one day in the fullness of Your glory and grace. May we revel and wonder every moment of every day.
Oh Father that it might be according to Your will.
What will you become?
Let us pray so much that we become Prayer. Let us laugh so much, O God, that we become Laughter. Let us sing so much that we become Song. Let us give so much that we become Gift.found on Mollys blog.
Sunday, November 30, 2008
You can't call back thoughts
I said something I shouldn't have said.
I actually didn't even say it - I just thought it, the entire conversation took place in the confines of my head or maybe my heart... I can never tell anymore.
The thought had no more completed itself when I felt sincere regret. It's rare for me to say something to someone just to hurt. But that is all this thought could have accomplished.
And at the same time, I realized how childish I was being not just in that moment... but for the last year. I don't understand, I'm not getting my way, and so I'm acting the same as any child who did not get a much coveted toy.
But it's one of the few times that I truly and deeply regretted something I'd said -
to God.
So far, that event has quieted me. Though, I know others believe I've crossed the line with God before in my anger, this is the first time that I knew without a doubt that I had.
And it's not that I felt His anger over it, or felt afraid for my salvation, I just felt regret.
And I really don't like regret.
And for me, it took the violent wind out of my sails and left me with only quietness. I've been up and down a lot lately, so blissfully happy I can barely stand it, and then something else will happen and I'll find myself literally sick with fear and frustration.
But in the last few days as I quietly thought about the God I'd slung my hurtful thoughts at, I found myself watching these three videos - Awesome God , Psalms 139, Agnus Dei.
And in my sad quieted spirit, I considered how God is whatever He says He is, even when I doubt, even when I fear, even when I'm so frustrated I want to give up.
We read this morning from Psalms 46, and I had to consider the God of whom it speaks that "The heathen raged, the kingdoms were moved: he uttered his voice, the earth melted." That's not the small God that I'm slinging my foolish words to.
And to the great God, that I don't deserve to have hear me, I found myself speaking the first words in those chapter - with my own meanings.
God please be my refuge and strength, be my strength I need you to be a very present help in trouble. God, I'm so afraid, Help me not to fear, though violence come near and though my peace be as far away as the sea;
And God... I'm sorry. I didn't mean it.
I actually didn't even say it - I just thought it, the entire conversation took place in the confines of my head or maybe my heart... I can never tell anymore.
The thought had no more completed itself when I felt sincere regret. It's rare for me to say something to someone just to hurt. But that is all this thought could have accomplished.
And at the same time, I realized how childish I was being not just in that moment... but for the last year. I don't understand, I'm not getting my way, and so I'm acting the same as any child who did not get a much coveted toy.
But it's one of the few times that I truly and deeply regretted something I'd said -
to God.
So far, that event has quieted me. Though, I know others believe I've crossed the line with God before in my anger, this is the first time that I knew without a doubt that I had.
And it's not that I felt His anger over it, or felt afraid for my salvation, I just felt regret.
And I really don't like regret.
And for me, it took the violent wind out of my sails and left me with only quietness. I've been up and down a lot lately, so blissfully happy I can barely stand it, and then something else will happen and I'll find myself literally sick with fear and frustration.
But in the last few days as I quietly thought about the God I'd slung my hurtful thoughts at, I found myself watching these three videos - Awesome God , Psalms 139, Agnus Dei.
And in my sad quieted spirit, I considered how God is whatever He says He is, even when I doubt, even when I fear, even when I'm so frustrated I want to give up.
We read this morning from Psalms 46, and I had to consider the God of whom it speaks that "The heathen raged, the kingdoms were moved: he uttered his voice, the earth melted." That's not the small God that I'm slinging my foolish words to.
And to the great God, that I don't deserve to have hear me, I found myself speaking the first words in those chapter - with my own meanings.
God please be my refuge and strength, be my strength I need you to be a very present help in trouble. God, I'm so afraid, Help me not to fear, though violence come near and though my peace be as far away as the sea;
And God... I'm sorry. I didn't mean it.
Friday, October 24, 2008
Healing
I tell you, Christians everywhere make these things look easy. They never mention things like "I didn't know if it was me or God", I've never heard the humorous stories about the 200 times it wasn't God, and they royally embarrassed themselves, in the 250 times they tried to pray for someone. No, I only hear about the 50 times God did something miraculous.
My friends, I can assure you, you won't have that problem with me when you read my blog. You'll probably see me wondering "is it me or God" so many times you'll want to quit reading!
Last night the important question of the night was.. "Is it God? or do I just need a new mattress?"
If you're confused, then let me assure you that you did read the sentence right. If you weren't confused by it, you should probably reread it.
I've spent the last two days with my back hurting. Nothing major, but something just annoying enough that I kept stretching trying to work out the kinks. I assumed, that my mattress was to blame and was considering trying to flip it this weekend. I'm proud to say I own a 10 yr old mattress. It's worth having a few sags, to have the privilege of that statement.
But last night, as I was praying just before going to sleep, I remembered that I've heard people say that if they were suppose to pray for someone with hearing troubles, they would sometimes experience a bit of hearing troubles. Chris, over at Hamer-Hodges mentioned the same thing recently with his throat - where you experience sensations in the area that the person you should be praying for is feeling pain.
So I said, what if this is my notice to be praying for my friends son? So I mimicked what I saw God do, and I reached around and I put my fist into my back and began to pray for him. And I did it until the pain in my own back was virtually gone. I still had a small twinge when I moved but nothing like it was before.
I don't know where all of this leads exactly, I doubt that he's going to jump out of bed this morning saying "Look mom! the pains gone!" But that's why I keep praying. Because I don't have enough faith for the big miracles. I'm going to keep praying until I grow. And I certainly won't stop there! I hope every once in awhile God finds enough faith in me.
What do you think that verse means when it says Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us, Ephesians 3:20
What's that "power that worketh in us" mean?
My friends, I can assure you, you won't have that problem with me when you read my blog. You'll probably see me wondering "is it me or God" so many times you'll want to quit reading!
Last night the important question of the night was.. "Is it God? or do I just need a new mattress?"
If you're confused, then let me assure you that you did read the sentence right. If you weren't confused by it, you should probably reread it.
I've spent the last two days with my back hurting. Nothing major, but something just annoying enough that I kept stretching trying to work out the kinks. I assumed, that my mattress was to blame and was considering trying to flip it this weekend. I'm proud to say I own a 10 yr old mattress. It's worth having a few sags, to have the privilege of that statement.
But last night, as I was praying just before going to sleep, I remembered that I've heard people say that if they were suppose to pray for someone with hearing troubles, they would sometimes experience a bit of hearing troubles. Chris, over at Hamer-Hodges mentioned the same thing recently with his throat - where you experience sensations in the area that the person you should be praying for is feeling pain.
So I said, what if this is my notice to be praying for my friends son? So I mimicked what I saw God do, and I reached around and I put my fist into my back and began to pray for him. And I did it until the pain in my own back was virtually gone. I still had a small twinge when I moved but nothing like it was before.
I don't know where all of this leads exactly, I doubt that he's going to jump out of bed this morning saying "Look mom! the pains gone!" But that's why I keep praying. Because I don't have enough faith for the big miracles. I'm going to keep praying until I grow. And I certainly won't stop there! I hope every once in awhile God finds enough faith in me.
What do you think that verse means when it says Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us, Ephesians 3:20
What's that "power that worketh in us" mean?
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