Confession my faults - Fear.

I like apologizing.

I know what you're thinking, and I saw that eye-roll. You'll just have to trust me on this. I like apologizing. I enjoy naming how my sin was wrong, bringing it to light, and letting someone know I'm sorry not just for doing whatever, but for the disrespect, unkindness, selfishness, whatever sinful nature was rearing up to cause the action in the first place.

It leaves me feeling like I just kicked dirt in the devils eye. I like to take sin seriously - not in that I would think about it all the time, but that when I do find it in my life I figure out what it really is.

I've been stressed out lately. I didn't realize it until the other night but the move I'm about to make and all it's little ramifications was scaring me. I did some math the other day and, living on my own, after bills here I'd have $52 left for groceries for the month.

It's not that I don't think I'll eat, because I know God will provide work and money so I actually don't think I'll go without. It just made me realize how close to the line I'm going to be. If emergencies come up...

And I became afraid.
I didn't rest in the promise that God would supply my needs, He would help me, and give me wisdom as to the house to choose and what actions to take in order to use the money He's provided me with wisely.

As I grew more afraid, my actions around my poor housemates changed as well.

The turning point was when I griped at my nephew for dumping his water out to put fresh water in his cup. He said it was old and I griped something about how water doesn't taste old after 3 hours.
Then later that evening, I brought my cup downstairs, dumped the water out, rinsed the cup and refilled it with fresh water.

Instantly I was convicted.

And I did something I hadn't done too recently; I went to my bedroom, dropped to my knees beside my bed and I wept before God. I repented of my actions towards my family, and I prayed He would help me not just to treat them as He would, but that He would calm my fears and I would simply trust Him for my needs without worry.

I told Him I was stressed out, worried, and anxious and I didn't know how to handle the changes coming up on my own. I told Him I loved Him dearly, and that I hadn't been showing it - and I was so very sorry for how off-track my heart had wandered from the path and that I needed Him to draw me nearer, because I just wasn't close enough. I need Him more.

Wednesday night on the way home from church I was working on memorizing 2 Chronicles 7:14 with the kids: If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I hear from Heaven and forgive their sin and heal their land.

It seemed that night, those words were prophetic as I unthinkingly acted them out. But I got up that evening forgiven. Regrets can't be changed, but forgiveness is wonderful. But I didn't realize until later that God had worked on healing my land as well. Today is different, I don't know how or where I'll ultimately end up but... There is something new inside me that's able to trust for this now. And I came home and it was probably one of the more peaceful, kind nights at the house.

The night I repented, afterwards I stayed up late reading 1 John. When I reached 5:4 I found another verse that I set about trying to memorize. It's well worth memorizing if you'd like to try.

For whatsoever is born of God overcometh the world: and this is the victory that overcometh the world; even our faith. 1 John 5:4

What are you eating?

I was struggling with what to write with. Not because I couldn’t come up with anything – it’s actually quite the opposite. I’ve got two different topics floating in me, one concerning a study of Romans that I’ve been doing that just happened (as so often it is with God) to coincide with a series of sermons I’m listening to at work.

But one article that has been burning in me lately is a complaint that I’ve had for the last several weeks. Which, once you see what I’m complaining about you’ll see that the very idea I’m complaining about it is rather ironic.

I’m frustrated that complaining has become so very much the “in” thing to do.

Awhile back at my nieces’ birthday she’d invited a friend over to the house. Within 3 minutes of her friend arriving (and no, I am not exaggerating whatsoever) she’d announced to her friend that her parents embarrassed her and that her little brother was annoying and she hated him.

Two days ago, walking into a store with my nephew he announced that the store wouldn’t have what I was looking for. He proceeded to announce failure on every single aisle.

It’s not just children either. As adults we complain about the weather, our co-workers, and any other situation that comes up. We speak negative words concerning our health, our abilities, our futures, and our goals and that of other people as well.

And that’s the part that I’ve been dwelling on. We’re killing ourselves, and we’re allowing the devil to win hundreds of battles that might not have been anywhere close to a loss had we just kept our minds and hearts in line with God. The Bible says: “The lips of the righteous know what is acceptable: but the mouth of the wicked speaketh forwardness” (def: ”forward”=willfully contrary”). Or Luke 6:45 which says: “A good man out of the good treasure of his hearth bringeth forth that which is good; and an evil man out of the evil treasure of his heart bringeth forth that which is evil: for of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaketh.”.

Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O LORD, my strength, and my redeemer. Psalms 19:14

The thoughts of the wicked are an abomination to the LORD: but the words of the pure are pleasant words. Proverbs 15:26

Pleasant words are as an honeycomb, sweet to the soul, and health to the bones. Proverbs 16:24

The words of a wise man's mouth are gracious; but the lips of a fool will swallow up himself. Ecclesiasties 10:12

Set a watch, O LORD, before my mouth; keep the door of my lips. Psalms 141:3

The lips of the righteous feed many: but fools die for want of wisdom. Proverbs 10:21

A man's belly shall be satisfied with the fruit of his mouth; and with the increase of his lips shall he be filled. Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof. Proverbs 18:20,21

And those are just a few of the verses found concerning the words that come out of our mouths. I want you to notice 2 particular things here.

1: I’m focusing on what should be coming out of our mouths. Because when we focus on that, we don’t have to worry about the negative things coming out quite so often. If you maintain an attitude of praise, and thoughtfulness, sweetness and hope in your words – you’ll not so often find the thoughts of complaint, and bitterness welling up within you.

2: The last verse that I cited was the one that interested me the most. There were several other scriptures that mention our lips as having “fruit”. Most of the verses mention either the giving of the “fruit” to someone else, or the satisfaction of your own belly with the “fruit”. We downplay our words. We’re sarcastic, flippant, mocking, irreverent, rude, angry, sullen, discouraging, pessimistic, and we think nothing of it. But we get to eat our fruit. Whether we realize it or not, we’re eating and filling our bloated bellies with our words. But I’ve eaten enough bad fruit (there are few things as nasty as bad fruit) to know that the difference between good and bad fruit is so drastically different it’s a story unto itself.

It’s hard to pick good fruit at the grocery store. You pick up a peach, stick it in a brown paper bag and take it home and wait… hoping you take it out at just the right moment. But let me tell you, when you bite into the golden, delicious, fresh, ripe peach; it’s a moment to savor. It takes you by surprise how good it is.

But it’s also really rare for that to happen. Because too often the peaches either still aren’t ripe enough when I try it, or they were in there too long and now they’re a little… off. I’ve got a lot of words to eat that have been intended correctly, but improperly timed. I’m still working on it. That’s probably why there are so many verses talking about the wisdom of keeping silent.

So to end this little rant – just know how much God cares about your words. The devil cares too. Guard yourself.

My life under the microscope. Part 3 - The parable of the made bed.

I live in a house with two kids who don't make their beds.

It bugs me, it really really bugs me.

You see I know, know so so well, how wonderful that first night of sleep is under clean sheets after laundry day. And I know as well that as long as you keep the bed made, that clean feeling lasts so much longer. When you don't make your bed there is dirt/dust that gets on the sheets.

Sure, you don't lay there going "Oh this is nasty" you just lay there.

But in a clean bed, freshly made every day and regularly laundered... let me tell you, you just sleep better. You feel clean. You feel fresh. Did I mention that you sleep better?

That's why I make my bed.

And somewhere in one of my many retellings of how nice a made bed is to one of the kids who refuses to make theirs, I realized there was a Spiritual connection - truly I can find one anywhere if you just give me time to think about it.

Come now, and let us reason together, saith the LORD: though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool.

Thou hast forgiven the iniquity of thy people, thou hast covered all their sin. Selah.

Blessed is he whose transgression is forgiven, whose sin is covered.

I think too often we spend Monday - Saturday with our sins uncovered. Oh, everything is running smoothly enough, we're not out committing any terrible kind of sins right? The idea of sackcloth and ashes repentance every day just seems a little carried away right?

But do you remember how GOOD Sunday feels? How clean and refreshed you feel worshiping God, realizing there's sin in your heart, repenting, and then worshiping God even more fervently than when the song or the prayer first started? Do you remember how great it felt to finally say those words you've been wanting to talk to God about but hadn't found time for all week? Man how great Sunday feels.

Then Monday through Saturday we forget to make our bed. To take all the little dirtiness that tried to creep in that week, or that day and cover them under Christs blood. We spend the week uncovered, with sin dropping down on us list tiny dust particles - not really noticeable until you realize on Sunday just how different you feel all "cleaned up" again.

The life we're called to live, a life where we have so much bounty in our Spiritual lives that we have enough mercy and truth for someone elses life - that kind of life takes every day of our lives. It doesn't come from being a Sunday Christian, or even a Sunday and Wednesday Christian. It comes from every day covering, walking, working under the redemption of Christs blood.

I know for myself, it's hard to live life not caught up with American Idol, CSI, the Mentalist, and the 18 books I randomly have checked out from the library. I've got a lot of things that I let distract me. All those things seem important, somehow valuable to my being able to relax and enjoy myself, to "unwind" from the end of a 10 hr day.

But what if, what if I actually spent all week returning to Christ and staying covered so that the sin particles couldn't catch me, couldn't sully me without me even realizing it had happened.
I bet I'd sleep better at night.

My life under the microscope. Part 2 - More than enough.

***Read Part 1 first to see where I'm coming from with all this - it will help it all make sense.***

When you go to donate blood, or plasma, one thing I've been told that they're checking with all the tests on your blood is that you have enough 'whatever' for you and someone else.
So when you go donate blood and they say your iron is too low - it's not necessarily too low for you it's just too low for you and someone else. (At least that's what I've been told.) A low iron score at the Red Cross Blood Mobile, doesn't mean an actual Doctor will say it's low for you. You just don't have extra to be giving some away.

And while that makes perfect sense, it goes directly into the Spiritual analogy that I was making before. Am I Spiritually healthy? Am I so Spiritually healthy that I have life, fruit, Spiritual seed for not only myself but others as well? Or do I have j u s t enough to survive life healthy enough to not fall over.

I believe Christians today typically DO have low numbers. Because the minute troubles strike, answers aren't readily available, or we don't get the recognition we're expecting, faith levels begin to plummet. When we encounter other peoples suffering and we give of ourselves to them, so often we give so much of ourselves that we become weak Spiritually, leaning on our own strength rather than Christs.
In other words - we only had enough umph for 1 - not 2.

I don't want a life that supports only me though. Not only do I want my veins coursing with strength, and faith, and the power of God; but I want enough to be able to lift you up as well. To lift up families, to lift up churches, to lift up broken dying people that don't have the strength to stand themselves. I want steel resolve that trusts God for the broken, rather than trying to fix it all in my own strength. I want firm faith, that knows that even without the answer that God is right and good and just - especially when my situation, your situation, and every situation around me seems like it's not right, not good, not just.

So while in my last post I said I worried about an empty life, I'm not content just to have enough fruit in my life to get me through a struggle. I want MORE THAN ENOUGH, so that I can help a brother, a sister, a friend.

And I want fellow Christians that are full of that more than enough as well. So that our churches are no longer hospitals for broken and hurting Christians, but instead we become healthy glowing Christians who are ministering to a broken world. I'm tired of being in churches preaching healing messages to help a broken, disease ridden church. It's time we all stood up and in the power of God claimed the healing and freedom that God has promised us and then begin to serve the sick and truly dying without Christ among us.

Recently in church we were supposedly studying about evangelizing the world through the Gospel. I even believe that was the name of the message. And the pastor read the story of David asking if there was any member of Jonathans family left that he could bless. Next thing you knew, broken and crippled Mephibosheth was living in Davids house, eating with his family and living a kings life surrounded by Davids strapping sons.

Then he said something that took me by surprise (especially in a message titled "Evangelizing the WORLD through the Gospel). He asked if we couldn't see ourselves in that story. That WE are Mephibosheth. We are the broken, crippled son who got dropped and yet generously welcomed into Christs family.

It's all well and good to be humble concerning our welcome into Christs family, I believe it's HIGH TIME that we refuse to believe the Devils lies that we're broken and crippled and the runt that needs someone to look after him. We are so much more than that. But as long as we believe that lie, our lives will be forever spent nursing ourselves trying to stay healthy enough Spiritually that we don't fall.

It's time we pump up enough Spiritually that we have more than enough for just ourselves. We can now tackle the world.

Then the angel that talked with me answered and said unto me, Knowest thou not what these be? And I said, No, my lord.

Then he answered and spake unto me, saying, This is the word of the LORD unto Zerubbabel, saying, Not by might, nor by power, but by my spirit, saith the LORD of hosts.

Who art thou, O great mountain? before Zerubbabel thou shalt become a plain: and he shall bring forth the headstone thereof with shoutings, crying, Grace, grace unto it.

Moreover the word of the LORD came unto me, saying,

The hands of Zerubbabel have laid the foundation of this house; his hands shall also finish it; and thou shalt know that the LORD of hosts hath sent me unto you.

For who hath despised the day of small things? for they shall rejoice, and shall see the plummet in the hand of Zerubbabel with those seven; they are the eyes of the LORD, which run to and fro through the whole earth.

My life under the microscope - Part 1 - Empty Blood

There's something miserable (meaning good, but difficult) happening inside me lately that I wanted to try and express. I believe this will actually turn out to be a three part post just because each aspect of it is so vastly different, yet all interconnected.

I donate plasma.

I've been doing it for months now, it's like a poor person hobby. You go let them suck life out of you, give it back to you a little bit watered down, then they hand you cash. Trust me when I say that if it weren't for poor people, next time you had an accident and needed plasma you'd probably die.

But every time I go to donate they do the same thing. They prick my finger to get some blood to test, and they check my blood pressure and heart rate.
They test 4 things; iron, protein, bp and my heart. Each and every item is low. Low to the point that if I don't consistently work at it I wouldn't be able to donate.

I've got all this blood coursing through my veins, yet for all the life giving things that are supposed to be found in my blood - I'm lacking.

If you look at me you wouldn't notice it. Even when you prick my finger and my blood dots on the tip you wouldn't realize it. Living in my own body full of this blood, even I typically don't notice there's a problem.
But upon testing you find my blood doesn't have enough life giving support to it.

And here is what I fear.

That as God tests my life, He finds me full of life but missing some vital, life giving components. When He pricks my life and tests for mercy, pride, faith, and my motives, will my numbers come out well?

On the surface my life looks good. I write a Christian blog don't I? Friends are always telling me I'm cheerful and positive and encouraging. But even I know that's not always true. Sometimes I act cheerful when I'm not; say positive things when I don't believe them, and sometimes I've encouraged people just because while I know they'll fail, I know they could do better if they were encouraged. In other words, I lie.

And without God pointing out some things that I just plain don't notice about myself, I don't imagine any of me would ever get fixed. Because I just don't see my lack usually. Sure seeing a lack of patience is easy, but how do you judge how merciful you are? How just you are? How gentle you are?

My empty blood bothers me. Not because of my health, but because every time I'm confronted with it I wonder how my lifes numbers add up. Will He find faith? Will He find humility? Will He find mercy? Will He find love?

It's always been my hearts cry to be perfected. To serve God with a whole heart, passionate and bold for Him. So I can't eat my spinach (for iron) and eggs (for protein) and jog (to raise my heart rate), without wondering what my Spiritual numbers are. When God finds this child at the end of her life, and He pricks my life, I want my numbers to be the healthiest they can possible be.

**This is part one, I think you'll find the next few posts in this series to be a bit more encouraging rather than longing. **

The Christian Life - by Jeanette

I'd like to begin by documenting my age. I'm 28 yrs old. By documenting that, I hope that helps you believe that I, too, understand that in 5 years time I could look back at this post and laugh at myself for my foolishness.

But I believe a lot of things about the Christian life. So here goes:

I believe you shouldn't be riddled with fear, you shouldn't be timid, stammering, weak-spirited, or easily turned aside.
I believe that you should continue believing even when the road is hard and questions aren't answered.
I believe you should continue worshiping and praising, no matter how you feel sometimes - just because you have the basic understand of how worthy of praise He is... even when you're mad at Him.
I believe you should have the courage to speak to others about Him at any random opening that He provides for you - even if it means you lose your job, your friends, anything important to you.
I believe you should work out your salvation every day before the Lord, with fear and trembling. Knowing that He is your only way to eternal life.
I believe you should leave your past exactly there. The past. The devil brings it up to hinder you, you must put it behind you; taking away only the lessons learned and the changes it's worked in you for the better.
I believe everything has a purpose. And that God will work all things out for good.
I believe that it is of vital importance that our daily conversation include the things of God. It is too easy to pass up opportunities to speak gospel truth to my niece and nephew, and keep my mind on worldly things. But talks of dating, standards, boyfriends and girlfriends, decisions, and how you live life and treat others should begin with Gods standards and His hope for us - rather than just right and wrong.
I believe you should be a full time, every moment of every day Christian. In whatever situation you find yourself, others should always be able to see the Life of Christ within you. Not the basic cranky-pants that they'd find in any one they meet even unsaved.
I believe you should be watchful of every word you speak. The Bible says we'll give an account for every idle word spoken, which is a promise that we take all too lightly. Two nights ago I said a bad word. I didn't mean to, it flew right out in the middle of a happy sentence before I knew what was happening. I regret it so much even two days later that I can't even tell you. My words are too important for me to allow the less than diligent ones out of my mouth.

I've been told repeatedly that I want rules, I want a list of do's and don'ts so I can just follow the list. And I admit I do live a rather strange life that is somehow extremely strict and yet overly happy and playful at the same time. But for me, it's not about a list of rules I've created for myself - it's a way of life. A way of living. It's a way of living that invites freedom, trust, good relationships. It invites hardships as well if it were lived out as fully as it is supposed to be.

If it were a list of rules, I never would have made it. It's like dieting, it just doesn't work.
But when you change your entire lifestyle, allowing only pure things, good things, noble things... it changes you completely.

God loves us.
If you have any thing you'd like to add to the list of beliefs, please feel free.

When we all get together how strange we will be.

Tim McGraw looked sick.

He looked like he didn't want to be singing, like the lights were too bright, and like he needed more sleep in order to cope with whatever was ailing him.

But instead, there he was standing on the stage at the pre-game show entertainment for the Pittsburgh Steelers and the Tennessee Titans game. He sang, and I was almost relieved for him when he'd finished. It sounded really rough.

I generously, while holding my own Kleenex and coughing frequently suggested that maybe he was suffering from a cold.

I don't exactly know how to spell Harumph, but it sounds something like "yeah right" only without opening your mouth. Because of who he is, it's almost assumed Mr. Mcgraw was probably high on something or suffering from too much alcohol. The other two adults in the room did not seem to readily accept that perhaps poor Tim was suffering from swine flu, or perhaps some other popular malady. Though one person did attempt to suggest that perhaps allergies could account for why his eyes were so red.

Isn't it funny how it's not gossip if a person is famous?
Isn't it funny how it's not slander if a person is rich?
Isn't it funny how it's not malicious if a person is too seemingly important to know you or your opinion of them?

I don't think so.

A lot has been said lately, about Joe Wilson, Kanye West, Obama, Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan, and so many other famous names that we'll probably never meet.
And I wonder if Jesus isn't upset at how we've treated them?

We get so caught up in the idea of "who is my neighbor?" that we lose the reality of "who isn't my neighbor?" It hurts to know that these people, are real people, somewhere out there and hearing all these things said about them.
And it's frustrating to know that Christians don't seem to realize that we're doing it too. Worse, they don't seem to realize that we shouldn't be doing it too.

Being rich and famous doesn't exempt you from the love of God. Let's stop allowing it to exempt us from loving them as God would. We need a change.

And the thing is, changing how we talk about these people we don't even know won't effect those rich celebrities all that much. But do you know who it will effect? It'll affect your co-workers and friends who notice that you didn't laugh at the Kanye joke they just told. They'll notice that you tend to look sad when Paris Hilton or Brittney Spears becomes the butt of a joke. They'll notice you don't seem to think the same way they do.

By gum, they might even think you're strange.

And finally, and happily, they'll be right.

Michael W. Smith, Alzheimers and Hebrews 3.

It's been an incredible day.

The whole family piled into the car and trooped over to the AT&T center here in San Antonio where "church" was produced by Michael W. Smith and Max Lucado. Amazing worship service...incredible atmosphere worshipping with 14,000 other people. Amazing. MWS looked very tired.

After the trauma of yesterdays events I called my parents to see if today was going better, only to find out it most definitely wasn't. My mother, mild mannered and always smiling spent the morning screaming at her ex-husband for leaving her (he's not her ex-husband, she's just delusional during these times), threatened to kill him - including looking for his gun and threatening to cut him to pieces with a knife. She did calm down slightly while she waited for the police to arrive. That's right, she called the cops on him.

Besides deflecting the things Mrs. Hyde was throwing at him, he also got to prove to the police that he was supposed to be there, and the cars that he wouldn't allow her to drive belonged to him.

He's very tired. And we're questioning whether Namenda is actually part of the cause of her new-found violent streak. If you pray for him, or us, pray we use wisdom in making medicinal decisions for her.

I've spent a lot of time just sitting quietly before God today. I haven't the faintest idea what to say and I'm struggling with putting mom out of my mind while I worship. God deserves better than my distraction, and He also deserves for my worship to be focused on Him rather than a constant cry of "please make this better." My mind is full tonight.

That did not stop God from continuing the work He had begun in me recently. He's pushing me to watch my words, to not criticize or complain, but He's also pushing me to begin encouraging others. It's ironic how much easier it is for me to stop one bad habit than it is to start another one. I can stop complaining a lot easier than I can begin encouraging others.

Ironically enough, the pastors message tonight was about our words (surprise, surprise) and how our words are like seeds and they produce after their own kind. If I plant words of encouragement and affirmation, I will reap such - if I reap frustration and complaints, I can tell I have not planted the right seeds.

I sat down tonight to eat supper and pulled out my Bible to read as I ate, and I felt pushed to go to Hebrews chapter 3:8. I read the corresponding passage that ended up from Hebrews 3:7-14

7Therefore, as the Holy Spirit says,
"Today, if you hear his voice,
8 do not harden your hearts as in the rebellion,
on the day of testing in the wilderness,
9where your fathers put me to the test
and saw my works for forty years.
10Therefore I was provoked with that generation,and said, 'They always go astray in their heart; they have not known my ways.'11 As I swore in my wrath, 'They shall not enter my rest.'"
12Take care, brothers, lest there be in any of you an evil, unbelieving heart, leading you to fall away from the living God. 13But exhort one another every day, as long as it is called "today," that none of you may be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin. 14For we have come to share in Christ, if indeed we hold our original confidence firm to the end.

Reading it now, I wonder why the thought occurred to me before, but it seemed as obvious as the nose on my face that exhorting others would help ME not be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin.
It doesn't seem to read that way now that I'm looking at it though, but I'm still holding onto my original interpretation of it simply because I know my own heart. I know the reason that I struggle with encouraging other people is simply because of deceitful sin in my heart. You might not understand, and it might not be something you struggle with, but it's right there smack dab in the middle of my heart. It's one of the few things I can actually say I "wrestle" with. I can feel it rising in me when I try to encourage someone, but God is working on me.

So, until God finishes working this in me you may be seeing me on this topic again soon.
But I want to explain something about why this post is so... odd. Why do I include the days events, the struggle with my mothers alzheimers along with the words of Hebrews 3?

I have an answer, and it is in bold because I want you to read it, and then go back and read it again firmly to yourself.

God does not stop teaching you in the bad times. God doesn't sway all of your teaching and learning to revolve around a hard time you are facing. He expects you to trust Him with that situation and yet still continue to grow and seek Him. Your relationship with Christ isn't about what situations you face or whether you are happy, sad, mourning, or joyful.
It is for all of those times.
And beyond.

A thirst for life

WOW, A terrific quote that I can't let you miss:

"It is not because [the Christian] has had so little of Christ that he yearns for more. It is precisely because he has had so much of Christ that he is sure God intends him for the perfected experience. . . . Paul knew that what had entered him on the day of his conversion was life of the eternal order. He possessed it; it was there. Yet Holtzmann is perfectly right when he says that, 'Biblical religion in general, Pauline in particular, is a thirst for life.'"
James S. Steward, A Man In Christ, pages 201-202.

(HT to Christ Is Deeper Still)

Part 2 changes to grace

The steps of a good man are ordered of the Lord.

It's a quiet evening, quieter than most. I'm getting ready to drive to Mexico tomorrow to pick up my moms medicine. My thoughts circle that only briefly though as I sit in the quietness listening to the song "Mighty to Save" by Hillsong.

My God is mighty to save.

Take me as you find me
All my fears and failures
Fill my life again
I give my life to follow
Everything I believe in
Now I surrender

Savior, he can move a mountain
My God is mighty to save
He is mighty to save
Forever, Author of salvation
He rose and conquered the grave
Jesus conquered the grave.

It's a strange sense of broken-ness and disappointment that I feel tonight. I feel absolutely wholly confident in my salvation, knowing full well that for reasons I can't quite comprehend - I am loved and accepted in Jesus Christ.

The broken-ness and disappointment comes from craving holiness so very much and as I dig weeds out of my life I stumble across something so vile and offensive to myself that I can only imagine how God must feel about it.

You see, I've taken verses like the one above about a "good man" and applied them to myself to the point that my heart became proud and I actually thought I was good.
Even now, I instinctively wanted to clarify "not that I'm BAD..." but the truth is -I'm not good.
The Bible even tells me so - "And he (Jesus) said unto him, Why callest thou me good? there is none good but one, that is, God: but if thou wilt enter into life, keep the commandments. " Matthew 19:17

And I think today, as I struggled against the thought that I wasn't good enough to suit myself, I received the best understanding I've gotten so far concerning my salvation. God loves me. He loves me to such an extent that He's still working on me. He's still creating in me the masterpiece that He alone knows the outcome of. My sins, my filth and failures don't make Him abandon me to my foolishness - He just loves me and keeps working.

I love Him more today than I ever imagined it was possible. I covet Him more with every passing day. But that doesn't mean I'm not going to be a jerk every once in awhile. Because somewhere deep in my heart, surrounded by the radiance that is Christs goodness - is a little portion of Jeanette the Jerk that just hasn't been killed off yet.

I'm waiting on the Lord, I'm trusting in His abilities to kill off the parts of me that are a dishonor to His righteousness. And I'm trying my dead level best to surrender to His work in those areas.
Because He can. He will. Because He loves me.

I wish I could describe it to you better, but His love has made surrender easy. He is all I need.

I am NOT hard of hearing.

I'm not.
I hear plenty. Actually, I hear too much. That's the problem.

I was on the phone today, when two other people entered the room and started whispering to one another. They were trying to be considerate of the fact that I was on the phone
(Duly noted, and appreciated)
But I couldn't hear a word of what the person on the phone said.

Oh I heard them talking.

And I heard the whisperers talking.

But I couldn't hear a single word.

I'm a focused person. If you talk to me, I listen. If for no other reason than that I have a hard time concentrating on anything else while you do. I can't listen to you, and think something else through at the same time. Those are the times that, despite how attentive I looked when I squinted at you thoughtfully, I was really trying to think through some other idea that just came to me.
Those ideas are usually based off your words though - does that make it any palatable?

This seems like a rambling post so far, but I really am going somewhere with this.

God is specific that no man can serve two masters. It's either all God or all Devil. Regardless of what you think.

No man can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one, and love the other; or else he will hold to the one, and despise the other. Ye cannot serve God and mammon. Matthew 6:24

For the past couple of years I've struggled with the normal. The typical. The house, the two car garage, the dog, the job, the 401K with medical benefits. It just seems as though my life should be radical. Unusual. Set apart for something foreign to this world.

I just have never figured out how you can have so many things of this world and still have God.
And I realized today that maybe I've been too harsh on Christians in general. Maybe they can hear two conversations and still focus in on what they need to hear. But I was built and designed for focus. To hear one conversation and follow it with all my heart.
Because that's exactly how I live my life.

But maybe my life hasn't turned into all the Fruit that it could simply because I don't distinguish between the two conversations so well. It's harder for me to pick out Gods voice amongst the din of everything else.

So perhaps my spiritual growth is hindered right now only by my ability to shut everything else up?

Is God really calling me to a radical lifestyle?Or am I just hearing too many conversations?
(As a side note I am still growing here. I'm not saying that I'm not. But I want to grow so badly so deeply that I spend a great deal of time searching for weeds in my garden that suck the nutrients out of my ability to produce fruit. I'm still growing. Oh and I'm so very glad.)

***A few moments after posting I realized just how huge a target I made myself for the typical "She hears voices" joke.. Go ahead and make the joke if you want, but now it looks cheap because I just pointed out how obvious the joke was. :) ***

For God has not given sin power over me.

This is the post I hate to write. It's the post I'd rather cover up quickly with 5 or 6 inconsequential posts just so it gets buried a little faster. It's the post that I wish others couldn't read. It's the post that I'd like to pretend didn't exist within myself. At this exact moment though, I'm wishing it didn't exist mostly because I do not want to write this post. I guess it's time to get it over with though.

Within the recesses of my heart I imagine great things are happening. Purity is taking place, righteousness and other well known and pleasant fruits of the Spirit are growing. Instead, I found a dark and dirty section full of filth and fungi.

Two months ago I wrote this post where I told how I was praying for my replacement. The person who would take my place playing the piano for my church after I left.
And I mean every word of it still... I really do.
Really.

And then I went to visit the church and met my replacement. She's wonderful -she's even got the ability to play with soul, a particular ability I never managed myself. I truly enjoyed listening to her play.

And then it came... the thought that now that Sundays will no longer be a glaring reminder that I'm not there to play the piano for them I will lose my tentative connection to all these people I still long for and miss.
It gets worse, I even specifically refrained from e-mailing any of them this past week so I could see if they would remember me.

Can I tell you how much I'm not enjoying this confession?

But for all my years of Christian training, for all my posts on Christian growth, I'm still fighting hidden icebergs of sin. For all my talk, for all my hours of Christian service, sin still pops up and bites me. So guess what? No one is safe. And all those people you imagine as never having those embarrassing sins, the truly selfish ones that no one would want anyone to know about them (eg. this post) well, let me be the first to tell you - they do.

Worship leaders struggle with pornography, that church secretary is struggling with lust, that usher that has been so great a part of your church for 37 years struggles with greed and the temptation to steal. That childrens minister that you love so much and look up to for all he's done for your kids? He's got a problem with lying.

No one is safe. Not from the devil. The more you try to be clean, the more he'll try to smut you up.

So here's the thing I'm embracing out of it. The necessity of being a whole person. One that struggles with sin, looks at it and sees it for it's nastiness and then works to root it out. Hiding it, and pretending that sin never knocks on my door or could ever be found in my heart doesn't do as much good as this all-too-humbling post might. Exposing sin, and refusing to give it the power of shame over me.

I feel obstinate as I write this. My thoughts turned to how much I did not want anyone to know my foolishness and I realized that that was as much from the devil as the original sin was. The instinctive idea of hiding was disappointing to me. I believe the devil wants me to hide, to hide in a little hole of self-recrimination and imagine a world of perfect Christians that me and my selfish little ways will never measure up to. But I refuse.

All that said, I hope you got some good out of this post, because it killed me to write it. But that's the good part. No, the best part. You see, I needed to die. Romans 6:6

God is NOT a hobby.

This morning before church I was in our little room playing the piano, I was playing various worship songs and choruses when something came up and I stopped playing to talk to someone about trash.

Literally, trash.
Someone taking out the trash and the duties assigned with it.

Then I carried on playing my worship songs.

Some little thought niggled at me, but I didn't stop to think it out. It was about time to finish getting ready to go so after a bit I just stopped playing and got ready.
~~~~~~~~~~

We tried a new church today. Christian Family Church. They had a 9am service and an 11am service and since my brother is throwing a paper route in the middle of the night we let him sleep late so we could go to the 11 o'clock service.

As we got to the church the 9am folks are leaving. I was a little disturbed to see people in shorts, jeans, t-shirts, some walking by chatting on cell phones and holding their coffee cups.
I was trying to shrug that off as I went in to where the worship service has already started, and I was trying desperately to enter in and worship, worship but I notice I'm having difficulty tuning out all the distractions around me. People are walking around, talking, chatting... I remind myself to focus... the ushers are constantly walking up and down the aisles... focus... the people two aisles up are talking and laughing with each other... focus... someone pushes in a stroller with an icee...

That was my undoing.

I wasn't sure if it was right or not (I am still not sure), but suddenly I just couldn't sing. I did not want my voice mingled in with theirs. Even when they settled down a little bit towards the end and the singing seemed more focused I just kept thinking over and over again "lukewarm... lukewarm...lukewarm...." I didn't want to be a part of anything that God would want to spit out with distaste.

I could have been entirely wrong for feeling this way. But my entire being was wishing they would stop singing.
I couldn't stop the tears from falling down my face. It hurt. I didn't want God treated badly, disrespected, treated so haphazardly. And I felt He was.

It was during this, that God reminded me of my morning activities. I was playing words such as "worthy is the Lamb seated on the throne. We crown You now with many crowns.."
Then talking about trash.
Then returned to "I worship You almighty God, there is none like You..."

... I was ashamed of myself.

But I was thankful for the new understanding of reverence and holiness in my life.
When I stop what I'm doing and I begin doing something unto God, whether singing a song or playing the piano, praying, I need to remember that what I'm doing during that moment is the most important thing I'm doing. Because God is worthy of it.

God is HOLY. And as such, when I offer Him something then in respect to that Holiness I need to make sure that I don't allow anything else to become more important or intrude. It broke my heart today to know that I had done that to Him. To know that something that was repulsing me so much, had been in my own heart.

It's kind of like finding a polluted sewage pond, and running from it, only to discover that your drinking water comes from said pond.

I've been seeking God for holiness, righteousness, that I would walk uprightly in as pure a way as He can create in me. So this painful revelation today was special to me, and I count it as an answer to prayer.
~~~~~~~~~~~~

The church was still awful. We sat through a 10 minute sermon on why you should tithe (which I certainly agree with) before the pastor finally came on and literally unveiled a giant HDTV (and when I say giant, I'm telling you it was over 10 foot tall) and he did this so he could discuss the new sign they were buying. A big HDTV sign, 30' by 25'. (Obviously, the reason they need you faithful in your tithes.)
We spent 10 minutes listening to him talk about the glory of the sign when I passed the note begging that we could go. We walked out.

Ironically enough, they introduced the idea with the scripture saying we should into to all the world and make disciples, and how 70% of their visitors came from friends and family referrals and only 7% came from their billboard.
They actually claimed that now, all of their traffic would come from the new sign.
*snide comment not added here, but trust me when I say it's hard not to say it*

Please pray for us as we look for a church home here. I'm okay with going to church after church, (though it's certainly not my preference) but I'm not interested in going to churches that don't worship God with reverence and sincerity. I'm praying for wisdom, and a finely tuned ear to the direction God may want us to go.

Meanwhile, my lesson in Holiness today tells me that God is not my hobby. And must not be treated as such. When I sit down to enjoy a moment with Him, it's not the same as playing with a postage stamp collection, or some scrapbook endeavor. Instantly, an ordinary moment of an ordinary day is completely transformed into a moment when you, simple ordinary you, arrest attention from the Almighty King of all Kings.

It's important.
It's also important to remember that God can teach you something even in the worst and most dreadful of circumstances. Problems and bad events in your life are not for no reason whatsoever. They are there for a purpose and a season and God will use it for your benefit.
Always and forever.

The angry post.

**Disclaimer, I am officially ranting at myself. I will be broad and generalize in some areas because if this hits you too then I am very thankful. If I mention something that you specifically are doing then I assure you I am not trying to hit you, but it's because I'm trying to think of examples and that is one. You can be a perfectly good Christian and do whatever you're doing that I use as an example I'm sure. So please know, this is a rant specifically aimed at myself because I need to hear it and no one else will say it to me. And yes, I am angry.**



STOP.

Just stop with all the petty excuses, stop with all the flowery words and religious mumbo jumbo talk. The blogging world doesn't need to hear it, your co-workers don't need to hear it, your church family doesn't need to hear it. Just stop PLEASE.

Now repent.

Your one and only number one priority is to be a Christian.
It's not to be a good daughter, good wife, good friend, good employee.

You are to be a Christian.

So when you make some stupid thing, more important than chasing after the holiness and righteousness of God - then you are shallow. The world doesn't need any more shallow Christians. The world needs a Christian, YOU, to be spending time in Gods Word, and in PRAYER (not just the prayers you pray while doing your household chores but undivided attention, focused, heart-rendered PRAYER). EVERY SINGLE DAY. And I don't mean 15 minutes a day.

DO YOU GET THAT?

15 minutes a day?

Are you really going to change the world by spending 15 minutes with God a day?

Clean laundry is NOT more important than your time digging into Gods word and praying EVERY SINGLE DAY.

Your kids t-ball game? NOT MORE IMPORTANT. And if your kids t-ball game is going to interfere with that time with God, guess what - T-ball needs to be unenrolled from. Oh, and if that t-ball game keeps you from church then you never should have enrolled in the first place.

MY JOB is not to make sure that my niece and nephew knows their Aunt Net loves them. *And it hurts a little bit just to write that out. MY JOB is to seek GOD with all my HEART, and with all my SOUL, and with all my MIGHT. And I'M NOT DOING THAT.

There are many around me weak and sick because I've made TRASH more important than that purposeful EVERY SINGLE DAY time with God. I'm not tapped into power that I should be tapped into, because I haven't paid the cost, I haven't sought the LORD with all my MIGHT.

I want to be a Christian. But I DO NOT want to be like the Christians I know. Because we are all weak and foolish. We have L O S T what our purpose is as a child of God, and became mediocre respectable clones of what "Good Christian Folk" should look like.

Church is not to be a place where respectable people come to act respectably. Church is where children of God show up to confess their faults to each other, to provoke each other to good works, to pray for one another. And that's why I should never have dared to miss. Because I'm not supposed to have gone for what I can get, but because I have a responsibility to my church family to be there to do those things for them as well.

So when I skipped church because I was SICK. I was insane.

Because that is where the collective power of healing prayer should be the strongest.

I confess, IT'S NOT. But it's HIGH TIME that I started expecting things of the church people. It's high time I showed up sick, and vomiting and walked in expecting these people to have BEEN IN TOUCH WITH GOD during the week so that the prayer of faith can save the sick.

It's time, no, it's PAST TIME I came in to church expecting something, reached out for something and was bitterly and vocally disappointed if I didn't get it, and maybe even refused to leave until I did. But I don't have a single right to complain if I've allowed work, or packing, or painting, or whatever to come between me and MY EVERY DAY TIME WITH GOD.

It's high time I unpacked God from His simple place in everything that I do and said HE MUST HAVE DEVOTED TIME EVERY SINGLE DAY.

And that's all there is to it. Christians are weak, and pathetic compared to what God would have us be. I am weak, and pathetic compared to what God would have me be. And it's all because I've let other things be and s t a y more important. DEAR GOD I'M SORRY!

What have I done? How dare I have spent all this time blogging... over a 1000 posts, talking about God but, too busy blogging to give Him REAL time so that He can work in me what HE WILLS. Oh GOD be merciful to me a foolish child!

The problem, I so often tell myself, is that I just don't have enough time, or that I'm tired. And the absolute truth of the matter is that whatever else I did that day, whether it's dishes, laundry, family time, or even volunteer work was allowed to be more important than God to me. I can excuse it away, I can say it's not so, but that's simply not true. And so whatever I'm doing that's keeping me from that time needs to be cut out from me.

And here's the clincher - I probably don't want to let it go.

That's why it's been there for God knows how long preventing me from spending GOOD SOLID AMOUNTS OF TIME in Gods word, and in earnest prayer each day.

Which, with this revelation, leaves me at an impasse: Do I let it go? Or do I put God second?

And if I put God second to whatever it is, that tells me I have made it an idol in my heart. And God is clearly a jealous God who covets every last bit of me. And for the record, carrying on and not changing IS a choice in itself. And a slap directly into the face of God. It's SIN.

............

The problem isn't that I fill my time with sins. I can fill it with so many good works. But God wants me to seek Him, seek Him FIRST and FOREMOST, and then He will add things to me that I might be working to add to myself right now (to the exclusion of God).

Christianity has to be the simplest thing in the world.

Love God, seek God FIRST.

It's only complicated because to put God first, whatever is first now has to move. And that's a struggle of the highest degree.

God help me die. Please God help me die to myself. I don't want to be a halfway Christian. I don't want to live a life for myself with You simply a part of it rather than the whole of it. Because that's what I'm doing now. And it shouldn't be that way. I can sing the song about You burning away sin and dross, but when I do I'm always talking about sin. Dross is defined as "waste, base, inferior" and that's what everything is compared to You.
Yet I spend more time reading blogs than Your word. I spent more time checking and responding to e-mails than praying. I spend entire weekends deeply focused on my niece and nephew, yet You gets 2.5hrs Sunday morning and 1hr Sunday night and the random worship evening in my home. I'm sorry God. So sorry. This life, I get that it needs to be all consuming. But also, when You consume it I won't have lost everything. Everything would be consumed right along with me. I wouldn't lose. I would only win. But, dying is hard to do that's why I need help.

I want more of You Lord, You must increase and I must decrease.

Please God, HELP!

Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth... uh oh.

In some of the stuff we talked about at home church recently... I really don't even know how I got off on this... but I was talking about things that are precious/valuable to us.

I won't let my nephew handle my laptop computer because I know he's not as cautious as I would be. Sometimes I'll be looking at something and he or his sister will come near the computer with their soda and I'll cringe just a little bit and wish I had a protective covering for it or something so I'll know it will be safe.

My stream of the idea flowed straight into the thought that, if I was that cautious with something that only costs a few hundred dollars, why am I so careless with priceless things like people? I'll be impatient, or bring people around ideas or complaints that crumbs of it could get into the filter of their mind and corrupt things.
I wonder how often God cringes when I rush so carelessly into someones life and situation with my dirty hands and less than tender approach just as I have my nephew.

The thought also flowed out of how often I'll listen to my niece and nephew hurl words at each other, until at some point one of them crosses the invisible line I've put up and I round on the accuser with "You're talking about someone I love and it's best you remember that!"
So often, we Christians will accuse and hurl our own insults/complaints/less than gracious comments and I wonder if at some point God wants to come down and say "HEY, you're talking about someone I love!".

So often, I see these little things as just sins... things I shouldn't be doing because they're bad. But there's another level of correction when you realize you haven't just hurt the person you were talking about - but you offended your Father, who loves that person. I know I just don't think that far sometimes.

I watched it happen this week, someone complained about someone that I care about and I worked hard to bite my tongue. But inside, I hurt for my friend and wished there were some way to protect them from the other persons very vocal opinions of the situation.

It doesn't feel good to imagine God feeling that about me.

~~~~~~~~~~~
So my prayer today is that God would use this lesson to remind me, to walk softly, and tenderly into peoples lives. Use words with grace, and wisdom - especially the ones that must be mingled with admonitions. Help me to guard my tongue, that "world of iniquity" so that I bridle it, rather than allow it to control me. I pray that God would give me wisdom in the days and hours ahead, that each obstacle I meet I would have the grace to meet it as Christ Himself would. Not as I, but Him who liveth in me.
And most of all, I pray that I would diligently feed, and nurture that Spirit who lives in me, that He would not just live, but grow, thrive, and give birth to fruits that this mind cannot fathom.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


It's not about what not to say though... because I could go my whole life without tearing someone down and still not build them up.
Lord, let the construction begin with me.

Wondering out loud...

Here I am... just wondering out loud again.

In my wonderings though... I'm wondering what the world, the Christian world would be like, if we Christians stopped being sympathetic to each other.

We tend to be a little hard on the world, but entirely sympathetic with each other. Abortion, horrific, homosexuality - perverted, democrats.. just kidding. :)

You get my point though. We take the sins of the world and we make them into these big awful things that you don't want to have touch you, and would never taint your family.

Yet, our churches are full of sin. We gossip, we backbite, we're lazy, we're not good stewards of our money, we're poor employees, we're angry drivers, and we can be easily offended.

And those are the small sins. SMALL ones. Forget the crazy huge things (or at least as we size things, not God) like Jesus saying that if you even think about adultery, you're an adulterer. We don't want to talk about that do we.

But what if we did? What if we got fed up with ourselves (I say that because I'm fed up with me right now) and we said "You know what, SIN is SIN." God doesn't see a size, and I can't allow myself to either. SIN, is in my life, and God help me I want it out.

And we'd say it, we'd scream it, we'd cry it because every little ounce of sin stands between us having the absolutely perfect relationship with God. It holds us back from growth. Grow, grow, grow. Where you at is awesome, now GROW. And even if you're not growing, fertilize, water, whatever it takes to nourish the growth you want to achieve. And I wish the written word could convey the sudden tenderness in my heart as I say it's the growth that God wants you to achieve as well.

Gods will is always exciting and scary. It takes faith. And also a good understanding that God has forgiven you. Every day.

Ok... now when are we, and those around us, going to call our fear to be sin? When are we going to call hanging onto foolish pasts sinful? There are some things that I struggle with - and I get that. There are things that we'll struggle with. But I also know in my own life, that there are some lies, some fears, some doubts, that inside I know are not true but I allow myself to live them out.

I think I'm not good enough so I don't try.

I think I'm not the right person to speak so I don't speak.

I think I'm not wanted so I go away. (And for the record, I'm not talking about my church in this aspect... just wanted to make sure that's clear. My church loves me. I love them. 'Nuff said.)

But too often I think I'm too this, not enough that, worse than so-n-so, not spiritual enough, not whatever

so I don't.

What if our Christian brothers and sisters looked at us when we said those things and said "You know, that isn't true, it's a lie from the devil and acting on it rather than Gods promise to you and His declaration of who you are is a sin."

What if?

When God answers a prayer.

I want to see a change. I've read too much, known too much, to be able to be comfortable with where I am spiritually. It's...well, where I was before.
But some things seem beyond me to change.
So tonight, I went to God and I told Him I didn't know how to do it. I wanted it, craved it, and admittedly was a little nervous about it, but I felt unsatisfied with the idea of things staying the same. And I said SHOW ME what to do.
So I walked into my room, picked up my bible, opened it up and put my finger down.

I admit, I half expected to discover I was in some obscure passage like "objimyaka begat eriumadab".
But instead, I looked to discover that my finger was right underneath the very word... the. very. word. that told me what I was suppose to do. And the verse beneath the one I was reading finished with the promise of what would happen if I did it.
Not only that, but it was a noticeable push that reminded me that God had already spoken to me about doing what this verse prescribed, I had just allowed life to get in the way and prevent me from doing it.

God not only answers our prayers, but He answers our questions too.
I write this also to make another point.

Life has become so serious.
When I looked and discovered my finger under the. very. word. of answer that I needed to see, I couldn't help but laugh out loud.
In that instant, there was the sparking of hope and joy.
In the sober, get through the day, life I've been living, that spark... well it made me want to turn the gas on for next time that spark came around.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Friday night, I put Little One into the car with her parents, and drove straight to my church sat down in the darkness and cried. I asked God all the questions I've asked Him before. Why would you choose me for this? Why would you do this to my heart? Then I stopped asking questions... the answers didn't really matter at that moment anyway, and I told Him bluntly that it hurt.

And from that weekend to now, I've felt a difference. I've felt Him. And it didn't feel like I was alone in the hurt anymore.

I've been finding it hard to testify at church. Most there don't know the different things I've struggled with lately and my testimonies wouldn't quite make sense or they'd end up too long winded if I tried.
So this whole post is one big testimony. It's my testimony. I'm a witness to something that I have to tell someone about.
God's been good to me.
That's the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth - so help me God.

A burning lesson

Over at Raw Christianity, Gunner posted Knick-Knacks, Wildfires, Need, and Eternity. In the post he tells of a friend who lost his home and everything in it to the wildfires in California recently. He quotes a statement that his friend made:

We have a whole new perspective on life. The Lord has provided everything we need. We have a rental home, beds, refrigerator, washer/dryer. All the rest of the stuff that was in our home ended up being fuel for the fire. We are humbled and convicted about all the money we spent on knick-knacks and so forth that could have been spent helping other people. We are going to go about life completely differently this time. We are changed people.

I wrote an entire post about it, only to finally end up erasing it and coming back to rest at his quote. I wish I could express how close to my heart this is. If you could start all over with nothing, a brand new slate, would you actually try and keep it that way?

STOPS and STARTS

Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.

Stoppitt
Just stoppit.

STOP worrying about what you can do, and what you can't do.
START concentrating on what HE can do.

STOP worrying about what will happen, or won't happen.
START concentrating on what HE wants to happen. Then believe for it, because He can bring it about with or without you, and you would rather it be "with".

STOP worrying about how you've failed or how much better you think you should be.
START concentrating on how HE won't fail (which means HE will fulfill the promise to finish the work HE started in YOU).

STOP worrying about how little you got done and how you don't have enough time.
START remembering that HE got everything accomplished that He planned and HE is still right on schedule.

STOP counting your problems.
START counting your blessings. (half your problems come from having so many blessings to take care of... did you ever think of that?)

STOP remembering your past.
START remembering HIS. His past has been a magnificently painted portrait blended perfectly to allow you to be where you are, when you are, to do what you do.

STOP waiting.
START doing.

STOP looking for a perfect world.
START looking to a perfect GOD, who will make a perfect YOU.

My two cents

I've noticed several bloggers talking about it lately, and when I did my daily check on blogs this morning I noticed Chet Swearingen talking about it as well. He quoted John Bevere who said:

“But when you tell people we’re just no different than sinners, ‘were just sinners saved by grace,’ you have a bunch of people sinning, because that is what you are preaching to them. We got to preach that this Gospel is the power of God unto salvation. It changes you, praise God, it makes me happy."

If you go to Chets blog, you'll also he has a great list of his posts concerning the issue and a list of Dan Edelens and Peter Smyths posts on the issue as well.

I've said things about it before myself, only to find angry saved by grace sinners quoting me scriptures about how if I say I don't sin I'm a liar and the truth is not in me. That's a good way to end a conversation, because I can't see any reason to keep talking once you've labeled me with that stick. And at that point I don't exactly see the point in trying to convince someone that obviously wants to remain a sinner saved by grace.

But I've said it before, we allow ourselves to sin. We even excuse it sometimes before we sin "I probably shouldn't say this but... " We can do that... if we're sinners saved by grace. But a saint. Saints have higher standards don't they. The difference between the saints and the sinners seems to be that one side holds the standard to the best of their ability and with Gods grace to do so, and the other side simply know the standard and don't expect to have to hold to it on every single teeniny issue because that's just nitpicking.

I'll hold myself to a standard but I've watched myself at times specifically allow myself to sin. I give myself permission. I shouldn't say it, but... BAM it's said. I shouldn't do it, but BAM it's done. And I promise you, if you point out my error to me I'll probably be frustrated with you for being so nit picky. It's wrong of me to think it, I know, but it generally takes a bit before I'm willing to let go of that sin of frustration.

Did I really just use the word sin? I should have said it was hard to let go of that feeling. It was just a feeling. I wish! My feelings are sometimes often sinful. I can say I'm justified to have my feelings, but again... that's just allowing a sin on the premise of "I'm not perfect, I'll never be perfect, quit trying to measure me by a perfect stick, and let me be" but I don't want to do that.

I want to be holy. I want to be perfect. I want to be set apart and peculiar (if you're reading the verses I'm linking to, make sure to note the word "all" and "zealous" on the peculiar verse). I want to be righteous. I want to be like Jesus (1st vs is best, but whole chapter is a good read for the discussion of saint/sinner).

I may be the funniest looking saint in the entire Christian world but I want to be a saint. I don't want to be a sinner anymore. I want to be a new creature. Old things passed away, born again. A conqueror. No, not a conqueror - MORE than a conqueror.
I don't want to be a sinner anymore. Not even a sinner saved by grace. I want to be a child of God adopted and saved by grace.