Yesterday I was informed that hardheadedness is not a virtue.
I didn't dispute the point, but I did spend far more time thinking about what the man had said than he probably would have expected me to.
As I walked to work this morning I was thinking it over. I actually had a completely different post planned for today, but this one ended up taking precedence. I thought about where I would be if I weren't hardheaded. I thought about the things that threaten to challenge my hardheadedness. And I came to one solid conclusion. Hardheadedness might not be a virtue, but it is most definitely an asset.
Because I'm hardheaded, doubts don't penetrate as deeply as they could a "soft" head. It's a stubborn attitude of 'I can do it and I will do it'. It doesn't allow me to take the easy route usually, in the particular case of yesterday it refused to allow me to stand back and do nothing while I waited for someone to be available to do something for me.
Hardheadedness rarely allows me to be weak. It rarely allows me to crawl back under the covers and give up. It rarely allows me to think something is too hard, too dangerous, too tall, too heavy, too far, too deep, or - and most importantly sometimes - too costly.
It tells me it doesn't hurt too much, physically or emotionally to stop.
It tells me that if something needs to be done that it's obviously possible to be done.
It tells me, every day, that I can keep going.
Hardheadedness is fearless in the face of fear, strong in the face of weakness, and practically laughs in the face of doubters.
If anything, I hope I become more hardheaded.
Unfortunately, there's also a drawback to it.
You see, it was my hardheadedness that caused the need for apology that I mentioned in my last post. I got so set on "I can do it and I will do it" that I failed to listen to someone telling me not to do it.
So as I made my trek to work I prayed simply this.
Father, balance me. Help my eyes to see, my ears to hear, my mouth to speak Your words, my feet to go where You'd have them go and my hands to help where You'd have them to help. Help my head to grow harder, that the doubts and fears and worries that so often try and find entrance to my mind would not be able to penetrate. But Father, more than any of those things cultivate, soften, and strengthen my heart until the only thing able to rule over every aspect of my eyes, ears, mouth, feet, hands and mind is a heart that is ever longing for You.