I'm sorry if this blog becomes more about the events surrounding my mother right now. I've gone back and forth about writing here concerning her but this blog has always been more for me than for anyone else so I've given myself permission. Writing about these events is my only source of comfort besides God. Hopefully a few of you will stick around even if I'm writing about things that don't speak to you.
Another bad day for mom. She started packing and called her sister to beg her to take her away from the house.
This is the first time her family has been drawn into the drama and they've mentioned a nursing home.
She isn't going into a home.
She was depressed. And again, I'm wondering about the Namenda since the worst of this started after the new medicine began. We're toning it down to the smallest dosage available to see if that corrects anything.
After an hour on the phone tonight, mom was finally able to laugh and have her regular type of conversation (She refused to speak at the beginning of the conversation which made for an interesting conversation.) And dad reported that it had helped tremendously as he could see her countenance had changed. That was comforting as I got off the phone, but at the same time my mind instantly wonders how long will that last? An hour? A night? No, probably not through the night. Nights are too hard on her.
At least one of her sisters is coming to see her tomorrow, which could be very pleasant or very difficult for her. Either way, it will probably be very difficult for them.
Sitting here now, I'm wondering if 10 months from now, when my lease is up, my housing arrangements will be to move in with them to help with her care. The very thought is... difficult. I'm trusting God to make the way and decisions clear to me. I ache, literally ache with the knowledge that I'm so far away right now and that she's hurting so much. She said more times than my heart could take that I was "too far away to do anything" that's why she called her sister.
I'm praying this is only the fault of the medicine, and that slipping her back down to the lowest dosage (5 mgs a day, rather than the recommended 10mg in the morning and 10mg at night) will help.
I hate the devil.
I hate alzheimers.
I hate this.