Yesterday was a good day.
Today was mostly good until this evening when mom decided to leave him. She calls me up asking to move in with me. The medication is stopped (though despite my last post it was stopped the very night of that post rather than decreased. A special thank you to my home health worker nurse friend who confirmed the next evening that the decision was a good one.
Thanks Ms. L.
Tonight though, after an hour of conversation mom was willing to stay with him until I get there. We're all, (and trust me when I say I know how bad this sounds), hoping she just gets through this particular spell and forgets she's waiting on me. Instructions though involved a sign that says "I need to stay here until Net comes."
Dad was having a hard day too. He was trying to "prove" he was her husband and that he'd never left her. The alzheimers counselor says logic doesn't work and she's 100% right. Just makes her angry. It wasn't amusing, but my mom was rude to my dad tonight. "Would you PLEASE get off the phone so I can talk to my daughter." It's awful, it's stupid, but if you knew my mother and how she is never rude, you would have been amused too.
All that isn't about them. It's about joy. Weariness, and joy all mixed into one. I trust God in this, and He is seeing me through with comfort, but tonight He's also brought a touch of joy. Peace despite circumstances.
It's life. Life with all it's bad, nasty, jerky, stupid, disease-ridden rottenness.
And God is good. He's goodness wrapped up inside all the bad, nasty, jerky, stupid, disease-ridden rottenness.
And I love Him. I trust Him to get us through the next months. I trust Him to help us all make wise decisions. I trust Him with her life. With all of ours.
You can trust Him with yours too.
Have peace, let that knot in your stomach go. Breathe. What is the worst that can happen? Bad stuff, painful stuff, but nothing that eternity won't cure. So a bad few years? So an unhappy marriage? So your kids are getting in trouble? So you can't find a job? So you can't pay your bills?
Stressful I know. Hurts, I know, but you can trust in God.
Pray like all get out. Pray till you make no human sense because your agonized heart cannot help but cry out to the one who can help - but pray believing.
That phrase has always intrigued me. "Pray believing" It's only right this second that I realized a second meaning behind those words. It's not only that you pray believing for the answer you're seeking, but that you're believing - believing in God and His goodness, who He is, who He's promised to be, who you need Him to be.
Pray believing. Trust His goodness. He's good. GOOD. No matter what your situation He's still so very good. Trust that when you bring your needs to Him as a child who knows their Father cares.
PS. It's raining in San Antonio. A GOOD steady (though hard) rain. It's been at it for awhile now too. We're in the middle of a 10 year drought. This is a God send.
Sometimes you have to go through a drought.
But God always makes it rain.
P.P.S. A friend wrote about me in a blog. She has a unique knack for describing people - I've always appreciated it - and she was gracious concerning me. She made the word "strange" seem almost endearing. :) She's a fellow foster parent except she is soon to be adopting her two. Lord willing and the courts don't fail.