Wednesday, August 26, 2009

I will trust and not be afraid.

There is a little section of me that is amused, even while I stubbornly cling to the necessity of it all.

I will trust and not be afraid.

I'm attached to my cell phone now, making certain that I do not miss any phone calls. My mothers sister is calling, and if my dad calls it is because he needs help.

I will trust and not be afraid.

I've got worship music playing, over and over and over and over and over, and there is a stubborn determination make sure these words stay true.

I will trust and not be afraid.

No disease, no sorrow, no pain today can steal this trust or make me afraid.

I trust, therefore I will not be afraid.

So many things in life come to steal your joy, your hope, your peace. Will you spend the duration of the struggle afraid? Will you fearfully jump at whatever you can do so you can feel you've done something? Or will you wait on the Lord, trusting, not afraid?

It's a lot easier to write than to do. But even though I feel the struggle within myself today, I know that I'm winning. There is sadness and deep grief, but there is also hope. Hope in the God who sees me. The God who can be trusted. The God who is and always will be. My situations don't change who God is.

And despite the fact that most of us know this, we still tend to let it change our perspective of Him. And if it's changing in a good way, as you realize more and more how great and perfect His knowledge and His ways are (even when it hurts) that's all well and good.

But it's when you let it change you for the worse, you don't get the answer you're praying for, safety isn't available, people stay sick, jobs don't come, friends let you down, events don't occur as you'd hope, it rains... those are the times you want to doubt, groan in frustration or anger, want to hurt God for hurting you.

But all that only hurts you more.

I will trust and not be afraid.

It's necessary.

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