I have crawled into the Word of God more than usual the last two days, just asking God to speak to me something that I can hold onto.
Yet the words I am holding onto are not ones that I have been reading - but this evening the phrase came into my mind and I have sat here, holding onto it.
The God who sees.
Genesis 16 tells the story of how Hagar fled from a horrible situation with her mistress treating her badly simply because she had conceived a child. Granted, there does not seem to be anything "simple" about the situation. But regardless, the treatment was unjust.
So Hagar runs.
An angel of the Lord finds her at a fountain and questions her on where she is going, and Hagar can only answer that she is fleeing.
The end result has her stating that "Thou God, seest me."
I have scratched my head in the last two and a half months about how a person could suddenly become invisible as I seem to have in this town. It is amazing how people do not communicate with others here, or they simply communicate with those who are in similar situations. But in the last two days I have felt anything but invisible to God.
He has been my El Roi, the God who sees me. He has been the God who hears me.
He has been exactly what I needed.
That does not mean that everything is now perfect, or that my mother has been miraculously restored to perfect health.
What it means is that through the circumstances, He has walked with me.
I have felt spiritually stronger in the last two painful days than I recall feeling ever before.
I trust. I sincerely, and absolutely trust Him despite the circumstances.
I trust. That each phone call I make, He will help me find the words to give her comfort and confidence in her own situation. But that trust has also extended to other things as well. I am less afraid. I have confidence in Him and His ability to work in me no matter what the situation.
I love Him more today than I did yesterday.
I am seeking Him more today than I did yesterday.
I can feel it. And in it, I can feel changes being worked in me.
All of that is personal, and there is no point in you reading it unless you are willing to believe that the exact same thing can happen for you. You must trust in the fact that the God who sees me, and hears me, will see and hear you as well.
The glory of His Spirit and Presence is not something that is designed for me alone. Or for great preachers. Or specific people that you feel are "good enough" for such a thing.
That glory is meant for every broken, hurting person that wants to flee, to run and hide from their lives and situations, for every person that feels they are not good enough, wise enough, or capable enough. He is the God who sees you.
He is the God who sees your job hunt your childs divorce your financial crisis your medical concerns. He is the God who hears you weep, cry, wail, lash out in anger, and pray so hard you no longer make any human sense.
He is there.
He is there in those awful moments. And if you pay attention, you'll find He is there in those wonderful moments as well. The weddings, births, engagements, first steps, friends celebrations, job promotions. He is there.
Wait on Him.
Talk to Him.