Thursday, January 14, 2010

Holding the stair rail.

If you ever get word of me being severely injured, or perhaps this blog goes strangely silent for a long unexplained period of time; let me tell you what's happened:

I've fallen down the stairs and broke my head.

Now, before you wonder about me, I haven't done it yet, somehow I've always managed to not become incapacitated and always manged to protect my head... but I'm thinking it's only a matter of time.

You see, despite the fact that we do have a light for the stairs, I typically traverse them in the dark. Without fail, I always seem to think I've reached the end of the steps before I've actually reached the end of the stairs. You wouldn't think that you take that last step differently from ever other step, but apparently I do. Because what typically happens is that I immediately plunge face first towards the floor.

My knees are going to eventually give out on me from the number of times I've crash landed on them on the tile floor by the door. It's funny now, but it's never funny in that confused moment when you realize you've crashed down the stairs... again.

But, keeping with the tradition that I learn a lesson from everything, I realized how important it is to not make some decisions in the dark. To make sure of your footing, to hold onto the rail. Because the simple truth of the matter is that when it's dark, you can't see as well. And when you're in a situation like that, letting go of the support, and making new decisions rather than trusting the ones you've made when you could see, is just plain foolish.

But it seems that's when we always make our decisions.

We decide God's not trust worthy when we're sad. We decide our job is not worth it when we have a problem with a co-worker. We decide our friendships aren't worth it when we don't feel appreciated. We decide our marriage isn't worth it when we doubt our spouses commitment.

Rarely do you see someone happy and blessed announce that after some thought they happily decided that God just wasn't the right route for them.
No, it's when they're not getting what they want, or things aren't going as planned. That's when you decide God isn't enough.

But, speaking as a person that's fallen down the stairs enough times to realize how important this is, making decisions in the dark hurts.

No matter what my mind tells me about where that last step is, I need to simply trust the rail and wait until I've truly reached the floor. No matter what my mind tells me.
Because minds tell us funny things sometimes. And we're 100% convinced our minds are right. I say that as someone who's sat with others speaking the truth to me while I informed them that my mind proved God to be cruel.

I think God gave us wonderful minds, minds that creatively can challenge Him, convict Him, and question Him. But I believe at some point in our Christian walk that we have to begin to trust His heart for us more than we trust our minds idea of Him. Trusting His heart isn't always easy in the dark, because your mind sees things that are not quite seen for all that they really are. And when you realize how truly little you can trust your own mind in the darkness, let me tell you, you begin to grip the stair rail pretty tight.

Or you could be far more like me than you'd druther.

Now if you'll excuse me, I've got to try and make it upstairs. *crosses her fingers*


Linda said...

It's called counting. Having a little bit of the OCD CAN be a good thing sometimes!

Glad you're still okay.

flyawaynet said...

lol I'm usually pondering what I'm about to do rather than paying attention to the steps.

We do know there are 15 steps though - on the day we moved in counting them helped us feel justified in being dead tired because we had to climb up the stairs so often. ;)

Anonymous said...

What day is it today?

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