Sunday, January 03, 2010

Lord I'm amazed by You

I can't praise Him enough.
You think I'm kidding, or trying to sound righteous. I don't worry too much about sounding righteous anymore, I realized how foolish that was since anyone that knows me... well, let's just say they know the truth. :)
But I'm not kidding either.
I just can't praise Him enough.

I've never been so poor, so backed up, so uncertain about tomorrows...
I've never been so grateful, so hopeful, so excited, so overwhelmed with gratitude.

My commute to work is filled with worship that just isn't enough. I'm probably going to die on the 410 loop one day just because the curve is a little sharp to take it with one hand raised and tears blurring your vision. I cannot thank Him enough.

There was a debate at lunch today, as someone made the assertion that God doesn't love poor people. Otherwise they wouldn't be poor. And, as a poor person I was frustrated at what a ridiculous assertion that is. And then my heart was broken as I realized, the person making that assertion was poor. And with every struggle to pay bills, with every thought of how something was out of his ability to afford it, I wondered if he wasn't clouded with doubt concerning Gods amazing love.

It's no wonder my experience as a poor person is vastly different from his. I can hardly breathe sometimes as I write out my bills as I realize that yet again, yet again, yet again, yet again, God has provided. He has provided me an abundance, exceedingly and abundantly beyond. I'm sitting here aching to do something for Him because He's done so much. The greatest of which is simply the greater closeness with Him. I find myself in His presence, shaken and stirred, moved and broken, but more often than not I'm just utterly joyful.

I've found healing in Him that is unimaginable to me. My prayers, sincere and earnest used to come from a broken section of my life that caused more hurt and worry and fear; and now all of that is replaced with adoration and joy and trust and hope. I never used to smile in prayer, if I did it was rare. Now it's rare find me in worship without that stupid smile stretching my cheeks.

I just can't thank Him enough. I can't praise Him enough.

I'd give anything to change the hearts around me. To somehow clear their minds of the lack so that they could finally see the overwhelming abundance. At the same time I wonder if God didn't make them with such a perspective just so they would push to something God has for them. But I also worry they'll receive what it is God had in store for them and with blinded eyes they'll keep looking for something more.

Silver and gold have I none, but such as I have - I wish with all my heart that I could simply give it away to those without, to those suffering from guilt and shame, to those struggling with anger, to those struggling with a feeling of inadequacy to those who simply can't see how great is His love for us. But I can only type it, I can only say it, I can only offer humbly that Jesus Christ LOVES you. He loves you so much, YOU, that He died, He offered His life as sacrifice for YOU, because He was not willing that ANY should perish. Not ONE. And if you ever stop and simply walk into the embrace of that love I can promise you that the things of this earth do grow strangely dim, less important, and the constant ever growing current of His amazing LOVE and MERCY in your life will leave you speechless. He loves you. He loves you. He loves you.

He's offering you something that moth and rust can't corrupt. But don't look to see His love in monetary ways first. Dig into the Spiritual gifts, rather than the physical ones. You'll be amazed at what happens.

I gave Him me (not without a few difficulties and the occasional cries of "take back") but the rewards of what I received in return have been more than wonderful.
Lord I'm amazed by You and how You love me.

To sign off this post, I thought I'd include a snippet of our song service today. It's very fitting for this post. Enjoy!

1 comment:

J. W. Poteet II said...

Just to be clear, I said "What if God hates poor people." I didn't actually want to make that an assertion. But I do wonder. How do I explain a God who says He provides for all our needs, who says that His people will never beg for food. I can live with being "American Poor." I can't live with a God who lets His people beg for food, unable to meet their obligations, whose children don't have proper clothes and shoes. I can live without cable tv, without the newest video games, the latest fashions. I can live with eating beans and cornbread, rice and hamburger meat. But I don't know who this God is who lets His people beg for food. I can't serve that God, because He isn't the God I was led to believe I should serve. My God supplies all my needs, does exceedingly abundantly above all I could ask or think, blesses even those who bless us. I'M SO LOST!!! I'm so hurt, feel so betrayed! And where is HE? Where is the God who called me to follow? WHY HAS HE ABANDONED ME? I search for Him all day and can't find Him. Sometimes, I turn the radio up loud to try and drown out thinking about Him because it hurts too much. I read the Psalms and hear the same cries poured out over and over as I'm crying, but I can't find comfort in it and I'm so lost. I shouldn't be writing this, but I am. Maybe there are godly people who read this, someone who has an answer. Maybe God will hear your prayers and answer me.