That's exactly what happened. I was listening to the radio (again) and a preacher began discussing the differences between God testing us, and Satan tempting us. He specifically mention that he could boast about how much he loved God only to have God test him to see if he really does love God. He gave a few other examples of the same thing to prove his point.
My head still bows as I realize that it was just yesterday I blogged that God got the best of my love and trust. Having eyes I haven't seen, and having ears I just haven't heard.
You see, if I trust God, wholeheartedly, then I believe what He says. His word says He loves me, His word says He has a plan for me, plans for good and not evil. Before, I trusted Him easily to protect me from the evils of this world, yet, absently considered that it would be nice to have someone protect me from the whims of God. I was blind.
All week long, you've listened to me mention radio preacher after radio preacher whose sermon ministered and spoke specifically to me. At church my pastor began his sermon Wednesday by talking about how much God cares for us and wants to heal us, and wants to carry our burdens. I was deaf.
I blog today, so that you will know the end of my tantrum.
At 6am this morning, I crawled into bed after work hoping for a 45 minute nap before going to my real job. As I laid there, my heart poured out to my Savior, Father, Friend, Provider, Comforter, Counselor, and King. I repented of not trusting Him and thanked Him for loving me even at my most stubborn.
I have so much to learn, so very much. I see how many different ways God tried to speak directly to me and I put it off as mans words. I see the comfort God brought to my heart throughout the week though I stubbornly refused to be comforted. And because of those things that I now see, I also see He was loving me, through it all.
From the radio preachers, and OneSided's comments I have gotten some great advice about talking to God. I have come through this time with a burning desire for Gods Word. From reading the scriptures to listening to preaching on the radio I want to know more and learn more even more passionately than I did before. It is still difficult for me to take time to open up my bible, but once it IS open I read one verse after another, hardly able to get away from what I'm reading. I had no idea Isaiah was such an amazing book. I actually feared books like Isaiah and Ezekiel because I always assumed they were over my head. Don't get me wrong, they are STILL way over my head, but I'm enjoying every minute I'm reading them.
God doesn't give up on people, He just finds new ways to get through to them.