Trust in the Lord with all thine Heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. Proverbs 3:5

Eve leaned on her own understanding and ate the fruit. _ Consequence: Fall of all mankind
David leaned on his own understand and sent Bathshebas husband to die in battle after he'd made the woman pregnant. _ Consequence: Death of baby
Moses leaned on her own understanding and hit the rock instead of talking to it. _ Consequence: Unable to enter the Promise Land
Sampson leaned on his own understanding and told Delilah his weakness. _ Consequence: Ultimately... death
Zacharias leaned on his own understanding and didn't believe the Angels message about the birth of John The Baptist. _ Consequence: Unable to speak until the baby was born.
Ananias & Sapphira leaned on their own understanding and kept back some of money from the land they sold for God. _ Consequence: Death
Peter leaned suddenly own his own understanding when he looked at the tumultuous water he was walking on. _Consequence: He started sinking.

The phrase "trust in the Lord" - as an instruction- is in Psalms and Proverbs 9 times. It's not written down 9 times because we ought to work on it. It's written down 9 times because we MUST do it. Story after story in the bible tells of men and women, a lot of them Godly followers, suddenly just going haywire. And it all starts when we start leaning on our own understanding.

Every day lately, I've found myself struggling over and over again with my own understanding. Do this, go here, say this, spend this, send this, my own understanding is so deeply imbedded into my decisions that I can't imagine how God is ever able to make me do what He wants me to do.

I like logic, no, I love logic. I'm forever wanting to know the reasons behind such-n-such decision, and heaven help us if it doesn't make sense to me. From the order you pick things up/drop things off, the order in which bills get paid, or simply the times arranged to do xyz, it's all well and good as long as it's logical. But I have to remember, and it's hard, that His thoughts aren't my thoughts. His ways aren't my ways. If God told me to go murder my firstborn child I'd probably begin accusing the devil of speaking, while Abraham, leaned not on his own understanding, and began the solemn walk to Mount Moriah to sacrifice his son.

I realize lately, one of the reasons I'm so fully weary is all the time I spend thinking. There is always constant dialogue running in my mind of this or that, or dreams or hopes, or concerns, or trying to puzzle out what my next move will be, things like that. And so my prayer, as of now is, that God will slow my mind down. That He'd remind me constantly that I'm not the one that should be making the decisions, but just staying open to find out what His decisions on the subject have been. I want Him, his decisions, His guidance, His direction. It's too exhausting doing this my way.