There is nothing scarier for me than putting my hand in Gods hand and letting Him lead. He's got a clear reputation proceeding Him. He Himself wrote about how He'll lead you into the fiery furnace, the den of lions, or a barren desert for 40 years. Others have written tales of holding His hand and being thrown in jail, beaten to near death, burned at the stake, beheaded, stoned, hanged, families murdered...need I go on?
I'm holding onto Someone that has promised to work all things for my good -- but we have very different definitions of "good".
It's brought to my mind the verse where Paul talks about dying daily. I don't think I even had a inkling of what he was really telling me he did. I had my interpretation, but interpretation and application are two separate things. This past week I've gained just a small glimpse of what it means to forfeit my life. To be living it, yet have it no longer be mine. And that's when I realized how frightening it is.
When God took my hand and my life He never promised me I'd be good at what He put me into. The only true requirement is that I was willing. God gave me a talent to play the piano, yet I'll be the first to tell you I'm not exceptionally good at it. I don't know why I thought it would be different with anything else I went into. Instead I find myself hourly praying for wisdom, guidance, help, and often for the miracle it would take to make me exceptionally good at His calling.
My glimpse of what Paul was talking about comes as I daily recommit myself to this work. I don't want to one day find myself living each day because I signed up for this and people expect me to. But to know that each and every day, I've chosen to forfeit my life to God. If I reach the end of my life having lived it as Gods life, I will have at least lived a life worth living.