Monday, November 05, 2007

Help! I've fallen and I can't ...well...getting up is hard.

I was foolish.

I was looking over some old posts I'd written and in February of this year I gave myself a warning. I wrote a post called "I don't want to be the gingerbreadman." I remember writing it with a feeling of seriousness. I remember as I typed the childish poem at the end of the post that there was no fun sense of whimsy, but only sober and serious caution.

And I didn't pay attention to it.

Wherefore let him that thinketh he standeth take heed lest he fall. 1 Corinthians 10:12

And 9 months later, here I am crashed on the ground fumbling with broken shards of faith just wishing that life had as handy a 'Restore" button as my Windows program does.

I've realized how much I demand more 'substance of things' than 'substance of things hoped for'. I exist off it, and God has provided a lot of substance for me through the years. Even if that substance has only been evidenced in feelings. I've felt a lot of things, and trying to do this on faith alone... well, it's hard. And I've discovered I don't have a lot of faith alone.

Wherefore let him that thinketh he standeth take heed lest he fall. 1 Corinthians 10:12

So I fell. And I fell hard. But I see how much I relied on feelings before, rather than blind faith. And, to get up the way I need to get up, I'm going to have to start believing because I believe. Not because I see, or feel, or heard Him. But because His word tells me who He is, and I believe it.

I've believed because I've seen.
Now I need to grow to seeing because I've believed.
I've just got to start believing.
Oh brother.


One Sided said...

One step at a time.

Anonymous said...

good food for my thought...1 cor 10:12.

flyawaynet said...

It was just one of those little analogies that came to me when I thought about my title of having "fallen and can't get up". I considered than any time a person falls down, they get to their knees and then stand up.
It was a little thing, but the mental picture it gave me was a good reminder for me.