I was foolish.
I was looking over some old posts I'd written and in February of this year I gave myself a warning. I wrote a post called "I don't want to be the gingerbreadman." I remember writing it with a feeling of seriousness. I remember as I typed the childish poem at the end of the post that there was no fun sense of whimsy, but only sober and serious caution.
And I didn't pay attention to it.
Wherefore let him that thinketh he standeth take heed lest he fall. 1 Corinthians 10:12
And 9 months later, here I am crashed on the ground fumbling with broken shards of faith just wishing that life had as handy a 'Restore" button as my Windows program does.
I've realized how much I demand more 'substance of things' than 'substance of things hoped for'. I exist off it, and God has provided a lot of substance for me through the years. Even if that substance has only been evidenced in feelings. I've felt a lot of things, and trying to do this on faith alone... well, it's hard. And I've discovered I don't have a lot of faith alone.
Wherefore let him that thinketh he standeth take heed lest he fall. 1 Corinthians 10:12
So I fell. And I fell hard. But I see how much I relied on feelings before, rather than blind faith. And, to get up the way I need to get up, I'm going to have to start believing because I believe. Not because I see, or feel, or heard Him. But because His word tells me who He is, and I believe it.
I was looking over some old posts I'd written and in February of this year I gave myself a warning. I wrote a post called "I don't want to be the gingerbreadman." I remember writing it with a feeling of seriousness. I remember as I typed the childish poem at the end of the post that there was no fun sense of whimsy, but only sober and serious caution.
And I didn't pay attention to it.
Wherefore let him that thinketh he standeth take heed lest he fall. 1 Corinthians 10:12
And 9 months later, here I am crashed on the ground fumbling with broken shards of faith just wishing that life had as handy a 'Restore" button as my Windows program does.
I've realized how much I demand more 'substance of things' than 'substance of things hoped for'. I exist off it, and God has provided a lot of substance for me through the years. Even if that substance has only been evidenced in feelings. I've felt a lot of things, and trying to do this on faith alone... well, it's hard. And I've discovered I don't have a lot of faith alone.
Wherefore let him that thinketh he standeth take heed lest he fall. 1 Corinthians 10:12
So I fell. And I fell hard. But I see how much I relied on feelings before, rather than blind faith. And, to get up the way I need to get up, I'm going to have to start believing because I believe. Not because I see, or feel, or heard Him. But because His word tells me who He is, and I believe it.
I've believed because I've seen.
Now I need to grow to seeing because I've believed.
I've just got to start believing.
Oh brother.
3 comments:
One step at a time.
good food for my thought...1 cor 10:12.
It was just one of those little analogies that came to me when I thought about my title of having "fallen and can't get up". I considered than any time a person falls down, they get to their knees and then stand up.
It was a little thing, but the mental picture it gave me was a good reminder for me.
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