Saturday, March 28, 2009

Day 13 - Faith to be angry.

I've been trying to write this post in my head for the last hour. I can tell you, this is going to be a hard post to write.

Here's what happened.

Someone, came into MY office, they took a form from me that states they want to leave our facility and go work at another facility that our agency has.
I gave it to her, as requested, but informed her that policy states she has to be with our facility 6 months before she can request to transfer somewhere else.

I got a long explanation of why she really had to leave.

My boss ends up in on the conversation and informs her of the 6 month rule, but also states that she will let the other facility know about the request.

We then take her completed form, and follow due process. But with the additional step of contacting the other facility and letting them know her situation.

Today, she comes into my office wanting proof that we did what we were suppose to do. Proof we told the other facility about her. Proof we processed her form. Then she began slandering my co-workers. She'd been out on the dorms and the people she'd talked to had grumbled and said "They hold you hostage" "They don't let you move". So she came to me, to inform me that we don't do our job, and that unless she protects herself against us, she'll be held hostage here. Plus a whole ton of bad comments about two very decent women that I work with.

I listened, up to a point where she crossed a line and informed me of what my co-worker would do outside of work related things, and then I stopped her. I was officially angry. It's a rare and difficult thing. And besides combating a few official lies, I asked the simple question of "Do you know her?" This woman, she was so quick to accuse based on rumors, she had yet to even meet.
I was angry. Not only at her and her poor treatment of my co-workers, but at the people that spread the rumors in the first place. I was angry at the lies, and the hurt they would cause. Not just to the co-workers that had been slandered, but also to this woman who believed the rumors and now didn't have a sense of trust in the people she should be able to trust to do their jobs.

But, despite what some things in this world have taught me, I have faith in things. I have faith in people. I have faith in right, and goodness, and kindness. And I have faith that it's important to stand up for those things. I have faith that Jesus Himself would stand up against some slanders. I have faith that there IS a right way to be angry at slander.

I have faith that the Christian world and my Christian witness didn't suffer when I spoke out against the foolishness.

So often Christiandom seems emotionless. We rarely show true, profound excitement and joy. We cover our sadness and hurt with "faith talk". And feel the need to repent whenever we feel angry.

But I've got faith in a God that allows all my emotions. And I believe there's faithful ways of showing those emotions without sinning. He made me, and my emotions. And while I do have to make sure I rule the emotions, rather than the emotions ruling me, I believe it can be done.

You wouldn't think showing your emotions would have anything to do with faith... but it's doubt, and fear that causes you to try and cover it. You are afraid you can't control the anger and you're afraid whatever anger you're feeling isn't for Godly reasons so you repent.
You're afraid showing your sadness shows you don't have faith in God.

But I strongly believe that God can be God, and that I can have faith in who God is - even when the circumstances make me sad.
And I strongly believe that God is God, and He's still in control - even when the circumstances make me angry.
I also believe that I can have a completely visible joy in my heart because the other two are true.

He's God. He's big, He's good, and He's in all of it. Whatever your "it" may be.
He's in your surgery, your co-workers poor disposition, and your rude salesclerk.
He's in your broken heart. He's in your angry hurt.
Sometimes the very things He most wants to see from you are the real moments. Not the sober "Our Father who art in Heaven..." moments. The moments when our words aren't thought out, filtered through our idea of who God is or what He wants from us. They're just real. In those moments we've become authentic.

And I have faith in a God who can handle my real-ness.
Yet He can also help me reign in that real-ness, so it can be a Godly real-ness.
I have a very great God.

2 comments:

nAncY said...

i agree, we do have a very great God.

it is great to "know", with my heart and mind, that He is with us always.

flyawaynet said...

Amen Nancy