It's not as bad as all that, but, emotionally it's awfully close. I have received 7 yr old TC, and 2 yr old Precious into my home. We are on day 6. Day 5 came out of the pits of hell and threw up all over my home and all of our lives. Day 6 was tentative until about 7:30pm when the hell came and threw up on us again.
I woke up this morning and began preparing myself for battle before waking up the kids. And I thought, "I need WISDOM", so I swayed back and forth between reading James - which talks about how God will give me wisdom, or Proverbs - which is just wisdom. So I went with Proverbs and as I opened my Bible I remembered how people follow the "Proverb a day" by reading the proverb that corresponds with todays date so chapter 29 it was.
As I read, I noticed a pattern emerging in that I was reading wonderful scriptures.... for someone else. Not for me. I whispered quiet "Amens" to verses concerning the raging fool, the wicked, the angry, the boastful. And for some reason I just couldn't find myself in the chapter. I couldn't find the wisdom I was hoping would get me through the day within these verses.
Now, at the end of the day, I can't even find the verses that I was applying to someone else. I see myself in so many verses, and ways that I need to grow and change.
"When the righteous are in authority, the people rejoice; but when a wicked man rules the people groan."
"The king establishes the land by justice, but he who receives bribes overthrows it."
"If a wise man contends with a foolish man, whether the fool rages or laughs, there is no peace."
"A fool vents all his feelings, but a wise man holds them back.
"Correct your son, and he will give you rest; yes he will give delight to your soul."
"The fear of man brings a snare, but whoever trusts in the LORD shall be safe."
"Many seek the ruler's favor, but justice for man comes from the LORD."
And last but not least:
"Do you see a man hasty in his words? There is more hope for a fool than for him."
I see tonight what I couldn't see this morning. Tonight something happened that while I wish I could explain it in detail, I cannot. But after all the prayers and leaning hard on God yesterday and today, I can't help but believe that perhaps God had His hand in it and while it might not make tomorrow better, in the long run I'm praying it has some effect.
The Bible is alive, ready to apply itself to your heart. So while you might not understand it at first, and maybe if you're anything like me you'll find ways to condemn others with the verses you find. But God also promised that His word would always accomplish what it set out to do. So while you might not feel the affects of it today - you will.
I believe it.
I'm counting on it to get me through tomorrow.
God is gracious.