Tuesday, September 14, 2010

It IS for me.

This is a part 2 to my first post "Welcome to Heaven...erm...I mean the library"
I need to add something to my first post, because it was a strong message for me.


Wandering through the halls of that beautiful library I was clutching something awful. An overdue library book. I could have rechecked it online so it wouldn't be late, but for some reason I only believe in doing that for books I haven't finished yet. If I've finished it, there's no good reason I haven't returned it, so I feel I ought to pay the fine. It sounds absurd to me too, but alas! I am me.

So there I am walking through that library, holding the dreaded overdue book, and I wasn't sure of my standing with the library. If I went to check something out, (they have automated self-check out machines) would it refuse me because I owed the fine? And even without that, as I wandered from room to room, floor to floor, a haunted feeling of "It won't work out" followed me.
It seemed as though at any moment someone would say "I'm sorry miss, you don't have the right membership to be in this library." It was ridiculous. It's a public library. I have a public library card. And while my head told me this all throughout my explorations, something in my heart wasn't confident that I would leave with books that day.

I equated the library to Heaven in my first post, and when I do so again I see something that all too often believers do. We shy away from the biggest and the best that God tries to offer us because we just don't think something so amazing is meant for us. Love so freely given and genuine? Forgiveness, free and full and utterly complete? Mercy that leads us into beauty and power even while we are children just stumbling along? Truth, undeniable and infallible in a world where everything has become subjective?
For me?

As we sit at His table and begin to eat and grow in the riches of His goodness and grace given to us - we shift our heads to the left and right, and with tentative hands we take, we taste, we experience, just waiting for someone to finally intervene and say "No miss,' or "No sir," "I'm sorry, but this isn't for you, it's for the others."

When I finally went to the librarians desk with the stack of books I desired to check out, and my one overdue book I explained that I probably had a fine that I needed to pay before I checked out the other books. He took the offending book, scanned it, and announced that the book had been due the day before but no fines had been assessed to my account. I was in good standing. I was free to go and read in peace.

One day, as I stand before my LORD, I will sit and wait explaining my only - my only - ticket of entrance is Jesus Christ, and dear Lord, is my name written down?

I'll be in good standing that day as well. So though my knees will probably quake and barely hold me as I wait for the response; and though my heart and mind fail to reassure me sometimes that my faults and failures weren't stronger than His perfect redeeming blood; it's just not true.

I'm in good standing.

If you're not in good standing, you can be with simple repentance, belief, and trusting in Him and allowing Him to be your Savior.

Then we will all go and read in peace. Because I'm pretty sure there are books in Heaven. :)

See you there.

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