Wait on the Lord: be of good courage, and He shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the Lord.
That's exactly what I did.
And that's exactly what He did.
The last few days have been very interesting. I've been struggling. And I've been confused. As I scrambled to try and figure out why I was having to fight some of the things I was fighting, I realized something. The last time I felt this badly was in the days just surrounding my being filled with the Holy Ghost and speaking in tongues.
So as I was driving back towards church Sunday night the idea sparked in me that I desperately desired some quiet time to pray. And I resolved that after church was over and everyone was gone I would return to pray and sit in the quietness. The memory of how Joshua stayed near the tabernacle came to mind.
The song service started, and one of the songs we sang was "Kneel at the cross"
The first verse actually didn't catch my attention until we finished singing it. So I went back to the page to read it over:
Kneel at the cross,
Christ will meet you there,
Come while He waits for you;
List to His voice,
Leave with Him your care
And begin life anew.
It felt like a promise. That that very night, Christ was waiting to meet me there.
God continued working though, and when the prayer time came around, I wasn't asked to play the piano. So as I knelt down I felt almost like breathing a sigh of relief. I was finally at the right place, at the right time, talking to the right Person. This prayer time felt different from the others.
I told God that I was single minded. I'm focused. So when I focused on knowing Him better, I forgot to enjoy Him.
I told God that I was confused, because everyone will tell you to seek God, but few people tell you how. And when they do tell you how, they usually tell you to pray, read your bible, and seek God. I've been doing that for 5 years now, this is different, though I'd be hard pressed to say how except to call it more intense.
I poured my heart and my fears out that night. And then I waited. If I had a clue to tell you what I was waiting on that night, I would tell you. I only knew I needed to wait, so I did.
But I reached a point that night where I knew I was through. I hadn't gotten what I came to get, but I had done what I was suppose to do.
It wasn't until late Monday afternoon that I saw a difference. I went into a store I never go into, and just happened to mention an item I was looking for. One of the ladies within hearing mentioned she had just such an item and would bring it for me the next day. As I walked out of the store I thanked God for His providing even something unimportant.
And I realized, I was enjoying God.
And later that same afternoon, as I thought about someone, the lie that had been attached to that person, wasn't there anymore. I felt at peace concerning the relationship.
As I tested my thoughts I realized that all the lies and fears that had suddenly surrounded me the last few days were gone.
This all is just explanation, maybe you just skimmed it, uninterested - that's ok.
Just don't skim this.
You'll never have a friend, as good as This Friend.
You'll never have a love, as good as Love Himself.
You'll never have a peace, as good as His Peace.
You'll never have true comfort, until you meet The Comforter.
You'll never know contentment, until you've met I Am.
Because He Is Everything.
Those words sound glib, I entirely understand. But they couldn't be less so. Read your hymnal, and see all the words that sound glib, yet pour from hearts that have felt and understood Christ better than I may ever do so. Sit down and read from Psalms, as King David pours out what always sounded to me like "fluff". I never before saw the depths in Psalms until now. Now I understand better why David sang.
Here I am waiting
Abide in me I pray
Here I am longing
Hide me in Your love
Bring me to my knees
May I know Jesus
More and more
Come live in me
All my life
Come breathe in me
And I will rise
On eagle's wings