Friday, August 17, 2007

Saying it right this time.

God is gracious.

Those words never seem like enough.

God is so gracious.

I realize, too late, that I've said some things that may have given some people a misconception of what I believe to be important. And I want to clarify.

Lately, I've told you a lot about the things that I've done. How I haven't done this, or how I've gone to church, and things like that. I'm afraid that you might think I find those things to be important. I haven't expressed myself very well.

They are important things to do.


They're nothing.

I walked in This Walk for several years now. Growing and learning. And I just can't tell you how wonderful God has been to me. He's changed me, redeemed me, loved me, comforted me, sheltered me, provided for me. He's given me dreams and then helped me realize them. He's given me challenges then helped me face them. I see His handiwork in every single day of my life.

He's done so much.
I've done nothing to deserve it.

I wake up now, wishing and hoping for some opportunity to please Him. Sure, He's pleased by having me submit my life to Him, but sometimes you just want to do something extra special. And I've noticed that as every day passes, my "sometimes" desire to do something special, has become an "always" desire.

Sure I can sit at home, loving God and doing His will. But I've done that. Now I want to leave my house and go find extracurricular opportunities to please Him. To bless Him. I can be a blessing to God. I find that idea to be awesome.

That's why I described all those things that I 'do' as my comfort zone. I do those things easily because I'm used to them. They don't require me to sacrifice or take a risk. I count them as virtually nothing. I don't have to prove my love for God through my actions. It's not about that. I just want to show it, for no better reason than to please a Father that has done so much for me.

That's why I want to step out of my house, step out of my normal walk, and adventurously go seeking ..... seeking what exactly I don't know. But ultimately it's a search for ways to please Him.

He's done so much for me. I can't help but sometimes feel brokenly thankful. I'm undeserving. I'm the dusty, unworthy Cinderella being swept into a life of luxury. His luxury on earth doesn't come with the plush carpets and being waited on, but it is still luxurious. Luxurious and wonderful.

Thank you Father. I just can't say it enough. Your love humbles me, Your grace changes me, and Your mercy holds me. I don't know where I would be without You, but I know it wouldn't be this wonderful place I'm at now. You're wonderful.


Mikey's God Talk said...

An interesting post my friend. I think that you should do as I once did while in incredible emotional pain. I beleive that you should get on your knees and pray to God asking Him to break you. Once this has happened then you can serve the broken. The best thing you can do for God.

NaNcY said...

hey there, i can understand what you are saying. i suppose that there are lots of opportunities to serve that are outside of what you have been doing. is there anything that has been brought to your attention, something on your heart?

flyawaynet said...

Mikey...I don't believe the point of being broken is to remain broken. But what God breaks down his vessel because of inperfections, then He starts over to make it into what He wants.

What you said made me think though...

Should it be a compliment to Gods handiwork if you can't tell a vessel has been broken and remade? While the memories may not fade, shouldn't God be able to erase the scars and cracks of brokenness in our lives?

I'm just thinking out loud. I'd like to hear what you think further on the subject.

I've been worried I would feel like becoming a foster parent would be "enough". And I've prayed against that feeling of ... I'm not sure what that feeling is.
I know exactly what I'm searching for. I just don't know how to do it. The very idea overwhelms me.

NaNcY said...

did i miss something in another blog somewhere, or what? what is it that you are searching for that you do not know how to do? spill the beans, girl!

NaNcY said...