I'm losing my mind, literally seeing things, and my mind just won't stop ripping me apart. So I came home from church, parked myself in a chair and I told God I quit. I can't take one more thing. Not one. There is no peace, there is no rest, there is no single moment when the things I'm seeing, and the words I'm hearing back off.
So I tried to envision what quitting looked like. It means sending my little one away. I can't do that. I could not take in any more kids, but I can't send her away, I have to see it through to the end.
It would mean quitting my church. I can't do that either.
It means an end to most of the songs I sing, music I listen to, books I read, and thoughts I think. It means an end to my very purpose in life.
I can't leave Him, because there is no where else to go.
He's suppose to protect me though, and it feels like all hell has broke loose to focus on me.
I just can't stand this.