God does still love me, or I don't think we'd have survived the last 72hrs.
Bella has had the hardest time adjusting of any child I've had so far.
God has truly given some grace during the last days to get through. Not in just surviving, but in physically changing the situation for us sometimes with the strangest ideas.
After a literally horrific night, we arrived at bedtime still screaming, and as I laid her in bed screaming I just started breathing out loud, really heavy. Truly, if she woke up tonight with a nightmare, I would understand. Playing like Darth Vader just before bedtime doesn't seem like the best idea when it comes to lulling a 2 yr old to sleep.
Yet, crazily enough, this is the first night she didn't scream her way into sleep. Within 15 minutes, with only a few sporadic cries and whimpers, she was sound asleep.
The stupid heavy breathing thing worked. Thank you God.
In the last two days, several times I've found myself in a situation where I'm trying to tell someone something that they needed to know, only to find the entire thing interrupted by the screaming. It's one of those situations that would generally fluster me and I'd lose track of what I needed to do - yet somehow through the screaming each and every day so far, I've stayed calm. Thank you God. If there was ever a week my blood pressure could become an issue... it's this week!
Bella has very severe separation anxiety. Daycare is pulling their hair out (literally, I asked the staff how it was going for them and she made the motions for pulling her hair out and outlined some very frustrating problems). Several different parts of the daily routine sets her off, plus, one of the workers apparently has hair that looks like mine, so each time she comes in their room, Bella is set off again.
Language has been confusing, because it seems like she understands English, but speaks Chinese.. or gobbledygook, I'm not sure. So far I have entirely understood "mine" "daddy" "mommy" "sissy". And literally, that's it. Yet when she's not crying, she's almost constantly babbling. She's the most talkative kid I've had so far. Just too bad I don't understand her.
She needs comfort, really. God has really been here this week, maybe not in a way that I could feel emotionally, but certainly in a way I could see.
If you're reading this, and you think of us this week, pray for her. Pray especially that I'll make a wise decision concerning Sunday services. I'm now a Sunday school teacher, and the only musician that plays for the song service. But, unless things change with a serious improvement, there's just no way that church will work right now. We're not a screaming mess, but we can certainly dissolve into it fairly easily.
All that said, I've outlined her hardest issues, let me document the good part.
She is sturdy and fearless. She traipses up and down the steps, off curbs, and into anything at all, absolutely fearlessly. She's a great eater (especially when I compare her to every single other child I've had). And she's smart, quick, and very helpful. She catches onto habits very easily and likes to keep things clean. She's very obedient, and typically the problems with crying are rarely related to the fact that I've said no or prevented her from doing something.
She really is a terrific child - the crying and screaming isn't her fault, life happened to her, not the other way around.
So... that's all, I've got to find some sleep.
I don't know what the rest of the week looks like, but we need You this week Father. Comfort her when the arms she's crying for can't be here to hold her. Surround her, and touch her heart. Be, through me, what will help her during this time. Help me to stay focused on relying on You for her, or I honestly don't know how we'll make it. Help the daycare staff to remain patient and calm, and not to sound too greedy but help the other kids not to react to her crying with crying of their own. Plant Your peace around Bella at home and at daycare, everywhere she goes. Be with her. Help her.