I believe in God. I believe He heals and answers prayers.
I believe He loves me, even when I'm unlovable and stubborn.
I believe I overthink why He doesn't do things.
I believe He wants me to believe, and act like I believe, whether I understand or not.
I believe He wants me to be perfect, as He is perfect. Not that He's wanting perfection from me, but for me. The distinction is great.
I believe His plan is better than my wishes, no matter how much it hurts.
I believe even when the pattern seems painful, and it just happens over and over again, there's a reason and purpose for it, even though I'll still cry.
I believe I too often hold onto people rather than Jesus, and in an effort to break me of it He keeps moving me around, waiting for Him to become my primary, my source, my desire.
I believe there are greater things out there, and greater things to come than what I have seen.
I believe it's not up to 'those out there' to give it to me, but for me, in Christ, to develop it.
I believe that being baptized in the Holy Spirit is a separate thing from salvation.
I believe that that baptism may have been the only thing that kept me spiritually alive this last year.
I believe, in faith, that my year of brokenness and weeping is about to change to growth -that might still involve the weeping- and passion.
I believe, in faith, that my passion for Christ is about to return full fledged and exciting.
I believe, in faith, that the things that I've wallowed in this last year I will once again let go of. I will find my peace in Christ by trusting His promises, and I will weep with hopelessness no more.
I will hope in Him.
Physical things around me will begin to change, and spiritual things inside me will begin to change. But I believe it is the latter that will birth the former. NOT the other way around.
Something is giving.
As a side note, I was thinking about how much I've been saying "somethings gotta give", and how I was now thinking that something was indeed giving. I knew I'd written a post specifically on it so I went searching for my post on it. And I discovered to my surprise that it was dated almost exactly a year ago.
My year, is ending. A new one will begin.