Yesterday I had the opportunity to spend a couple of hours with someone who really wants something. They want it to the exclusion of all else. They want it, they want it now, and waiting is the most detestable idea they can think of to the point that they're angry they have to wait. I did my best to keep up a constant cadence of how important this waiting time was, how it allowed you time to prepare for what you want before it actually arrives.
Mentally I shook my head at the idea that they just didn't seem to be able to get past the I WANT I WANT I WANT to see the necessity of the wait. If they had what they wanted right now, it would be the worst thing possible. But they couldn't see that.
Oh but I could. Internally I was shaking my head at how they didn't see how important this time of preparation was. Internally I tried to will myself to be patient.
And then today I saw those exact same characteristics in myself.
I've been busily preparing for an event in my life. Some days, I'm so anxious for it I can hardly see the preparations, can hardly even stand the preparations. I just want it to happen and happen NOW! If I had it right this minute though, it would be the worst thing possible. I know that. But knowing it, and being willing to wait are two different things.
And I understood just as easily as I understand myself, that the reason you become anxious during some of these events is because you're afraid it won't really happen. You're afraid that at the last minute some stupid detail is going to fall through, some new requirement is going to pop up, and the thing that you're longing for, hoping for, waiting for, will somehow not happen.
But God, who sees beyond my wildest hopes and fondest dreams; who knows my future because He was the one who mapped it out in perfect consideration of the future He had in mind for me; who loves me more than His own life, can be trusted to be waited on.
I can wait on Him. I can wait on my future. I can wait on the plans, and the hopes, and the ideas and the goals. I can wait. And I can wait hopefully, trustingly, faithfully. With my heart not divided against itself and my will vs His will.
I can wait with my every desire being for Christ, who will never replace my expectations with a serpent.
I will see disappointment, I will see dreams not met, but only the ones that were not inspired by Him in the first place. And for that, despite myself, I have to feel overwhelmingly grateful.
God's still in control. He's worth waiting on. And every second that I have of waiting time is valuable time that I can be using to be ready for when He opens the door that I am to walk through.
I sure don't want to have to yell out "Wait! I ain't got my shoes on yet!"
Instead, my house will be clean, my bills will be paid, the cat will be fed, and I'll be standing always near the door with my purse over my shoulder and just waiting for the door to open. I'll be somewhere listenin' for my name.