There's a lot to blog about today. I'd like to blog about my trip to Mexico, mainly because I can't tell you how excited I was to be there. But something else is weighing on my mind and heart and so I'm going to talk it out.
I'm praying for the gift of healing.
There are a lot of great spiritual gifts, but this is the gift that weighs on me. This time last year I was searching to be able to receive the gift of the Holy Ghost with the evidence of speaking in tongues. God mercifully, and I do mean mercifully, gave me that gift. And now I want more.
I've never understood the sick in the church. I've never understood Christians, solid, God-fearing Christians that are diseased and live their lives through a disease. God is God, Almighty, King of Kings, Creator and Invincible. He can do it. Whatever it is. He can do it.
So why isn't He doing it?
It's either Him or us. Right? Either I'm stopping Him, with a lack of faith or He's holding back for a reason (judgement -again, my fault- or teaching purposes generally come to mind). If there are more reasons that would help explain things, feel free to add them.
I recognize that there are a lot of reasons and explanations for some things. But not all things. The fact seems to be that there are people out there, that could be healed, that simply aren't. And I don't want to accept that. Everyone in churches will tell you that there is power available to you to heal the sick, cast out demons, work miracles, but when you walk into our churches you aren't seeing those things happen.
As miraculous as it is, and as grateful as I am for the miracle, I don't want the only miracles I see in my church to be financial or the fact that we're growing. When the bible talks about signs and wonders it never seems to be talking about those things - except maybe the time the financial miracle was money plucked from the mouth of a fish.
Everyone knows the old slogan "Be all that you can be". And I guess that's ultimately what I'm driving at. It's not so much specifically about healing, though that is the specific area that burdens me, but about not being as strong as God said I could be. Though, even that part confuses me since surely my faith is at least the size of the mustard seed? Is that what's missing from the whole equation? that my faith really isn't even that big and that's why no mountains seem to move?
I'm not discouraged. And each of the questions I've posted here, have already been presented to God. I'm growing, and learning, so be gentle if you judge me for this post. But if you see that I'm in error about my opinions, I can't ask this of you strongly enough - tell me.
There will be more posts on this as I study it further. I am so grateful to be where I am today spiritually, but God forbid that I would ever be content to stay here.