I don't know how to explain it without everyone thinking I'm suffering from low self esteem. But it's been a recurring thought... the thought that I'm ruined.
This is a hard post to post, just because I doubt my ability to get my thoughts across clearly, so that the idea of being ruined, isn't a bad thing. I can only suggest that you try and keep an open mind and read to the end. Maybe, you'll wish you were ruined as well.
To describe it, I could reference cooking. You have your basic ingredients, and you're stirring everything together. With these basic ingredients you could be making a pancake, or a chicken batter, or even a cream to put in macaroni and cheese. But at some point, some vital ingredients go in, that will turn the direction of your product towards the end result - what it's intended to be - and there will be no possible way for you to make pancakes from it. In effect, you've ruined it for pancakes. It's not heartbreakingly bad, just a fact.
There came a point in my life, where things shifted and I realized the things God had added in my life were vital to me becoming exactly what He planned of me. I look at other directions my life could take, some of them expected of me, and I can't help but think that I'm ruined for those directions. The ingredients for something entirely different have been added, and there's no way to unscramble the egg and remove it from the batter.
In a way, in every way actually, I'm glad to be ruined. It's hard enough to focus sometimes as it is. There are so many directions to go, so many things that can distract me, that can tempt me to turn my life in other directions, to add ingredients in my life that God hasn't intended for His Master recipe.
I wonder sometimes, what it would be like, to not be ruined. But I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I wouldn't trade a single ingredient, no matter how painful, for anything. I wonder also if it was hard for Him to allow me to be ruined. But then, if He hadn't allowed it, would He have been trading what could have been for something as flavorful as dry toast?
Reading this post, I know I haven't made my point. So maybe this post isn't for you, so much as it's for me. And one day I'll look back on this post and remember. I'll remember how grateful I am to be ruined.