Tuesday, January 08, 2008

Rambling

I don't think I sing well, and if someone gets a little too generous in their compliments on my piano playing, I don't believe that either. But Sunday, someone told me about something God did while I was singing. And after reflecting on it for a bit, I realized it doesn't mean that I sang well, it means that God can use even my singing. God's used my playing a few times too, and again, it's no reflection on how well I play, but how God can use it anyway.

If I were to stop and actually think about it right now, I'd say I live even worse than I sing. My life's hit so many wrong notes, the melody speeding up when it should have slowed down, or slowing down when it should have sped up, all the different qualities/fruits that all blend together to make a Christ-like life seem to have mold on them and leave me smelling bad and swatting away gnats. But every once in awhile someone will mention something God did while I was just trying to live. And I see now, it's not a reflection of how well I lived, but of what God can do despite me.

But I'm tired of condemning my life.

It's strange, but I've started to see how not knowing how to talk to God anymore has been a good thing. I've found myself sitting in very emotional silences until I finally have one thing to say. And that one thing is usually sharper and more meaningful than what I might have said before.

Praying with Little One tonight, I said something differently, something about God the Father, Jesus the Son, and the Holy Spirit. And doing it made me think, wonder really, if I've ever really imagined myself as a child of God. GOD. So much of what I think about may use the term God, but I'm thinking more along the lines of the person of Jesus - someone easier to relate to and imagine. I think if I were to divide them up, I would say that I trusted Jesus but was afraid of God.

It my head, it doesn't have to make sense.

4 comments:

SLW said...

"But I'm tired of condemning my life"

That sounds like a very good thing to me. Why join hands with the Devil in destroying your life? There is no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus.

NaNcY said...

i get overwhelmed with the greatness of God and how He is Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. i am with you in that it all can be very scary...but, i would rather have a healthy fear of God than a fear of anything else that is less powerful.

here is ted's post today on love...it can produce good thought so i am going to add it to today's comment.

http://communityofjesus.blogspot.com/2008/01/love-edifies.html

NaNcY said...

i know that your walk and my walk is very different in many ways. we are in different places in our relationship with God and the Holy Spirit of God is working with us in the timing of God. though i see that we may stand in different places that we also are looking toward the same goal. we are both looking to God through Jesus and being lead by the Spirit.

i say this because i read your thoughts knowing that we are different yet connected. God is working in us and through us, and though sometimes i feel helpless to say anything that would be of any help to you, i have come to a place that i know that as long as we both encourage eachother to keep our eyes on the center where God is, and doing that in love, that we are doing something good.

sometimes i forget this and try to change people myself in what i think their walk should be.

flyawaynet said...

Nancy, please know I've gone to each of the links you've shared, and read the posts attentively. I appreciate you thinking of me as you find things and especially for taking the time to come back and link me to them.
I certainly don't feel you've tried to change my walk, or me. If anything, you're just clearing the brush so I can see the way a little clearer.

Thank you for being exactly who you are and doing exactly what you do.