If you haven't figured out that I'm searching for a way to ... I don't know what... then you must not be reading my blog.
I'm reading a lot, just looking for something to speak to me.
I'm praying a lot, though not saying much, just looking for Someone to speak to me.
And I wanted to make note of a few things.
For all I've said, for how intent I may talk of getting through this, I am constantly letting out deep sighs of relief that I've come through the worst. God brought me back to peace and for all the things I might say I don't understand about God, I'm grateful. I don't want to overlook saying that.
I called myself all sorts of names this morning as I told God how much I needed Him. Wanted Him. I feel weak for hanging onto Him. But I've had 5 and a half amazingly wonderful years, and 6 horrible months. When I look at it in that light, I'd be a fool to walk away.
Either my regular blog stops have been more inspired lately, or I've just paid better attention this last week, but there have been some really good posts that spoke to me and I wanted to link to them.
Chris Hamer-Hodges posted Turn And Be Filled. - And I finished reading it saying "There, that's what I want!"
Today At The Mission posted From The Second Of Three Dreams. -And I finished it wondering at the answers to the questions.
On Becoming Truer posted Maturing To The Point Of Demanding Nothing... Again. - And it stirred in me the idea again of God asking me to give up a little, in hopes of giving me everything, yet I'm clutching my little too tightly and fiercely, angry that He'd ask me to give it up.