Lisa and I and her boyfriend, Lee, went out to dinner after work. We had a really pleasant evening that unfortunately ended very badly. She's dealing with some really rough people that know some even rougher people and as we were leaving the restaurant we were physically threatened by several of them. Naturally we decided the best course of action was to get in our cars and leave PRONTO.
That worked for everyone but me. I got to my car, but the transmission was acting up and it wouldn't go. It would start and go a few feet but wouldn't go any further than that. So I did what anyone would do in that situation... I called my brother. :)
I tried my best to stress to him how serious the situation was, it was dark, the car wasn't starting, and the guys that had threatened us before were within 100 feet of my car watching me. But he told me he couldn't come because Brice (his best friend) was over and he and Glenda and Brice were in the middle of a game.
So I called my parents.
My mom answered the phone and I told her what was happening and asked her to please come get me and she just kept saying she'd had car trouble like that before and if I wait that it would start. She was certain she'd had this problem before and knew it would start if I'd just wait. Then, as I'm trying to convince her that waiting doesn't seem like an good option right now, thanks to modern cell phone technology my call is dropped.
Finally, feeling more than a little desperate and frightened I call a number from memory that I'm almost certain is the local police and I get some lady that wants to assist me with my call when my phone battery dies. I find a hundred different words for idiot as I think about how many times I've considered buying a car charger for my cell phone. It's just madness.
I finally decide there might be someplace, anyplace nearby that could be safer than sitting in my car so I get out of the car. There's a theatre close by and I head that direction.
At the theatre I discover they're playing a movie called "Black White Chicks" a movie whose plot is basically a bunch of black males dressing as white females. I turn and see 5-6 such guys that decided to dress in drag for the viewing of the movie heading my way. I decide that maybe this isn't the "safe place" I was looking for and move on, but not before that group accosted me. I don't even remember now what was said but they pushed me against the wall and tried to hurt me. I escaped the biggest guys grasp and ran, terrified across the street.
Then I woke up.
Before going to bed I'd read the book of Zephaniah. One of the verses that stood out at me was in Chapter 3, verses 1 & 2
1 "Woe to her who is rebellious and polluted, To the oppressing city!
2 She has not obeyed His voice,
She has not received correction;
She has not trusted in the Lord,
She has not drawn near to her God. "
Immediately after reading it I considered sinners not obeying, receiving correction, things like that. Then it became as clear as day to me the many many many many times I've failed to obey, that I didn't receive His correction humbly, that I didn't trust in the Lord, and that I didn't draw near to MY God.
My dream played out exactly as it would have in real life. The steps I took in the dream are steps I would have naturally taken in real life. While I don't fear strangers even if some situations seem dangerous, I do fear evil. Throughout the entire dream I felt the strongest sense of evil that was waiting to hurt me and I was scared.
Thinking on it later, I've realized how I generally equate the presence of evil with the absence of God; the presence of God with the absence of evil. But, as a famous musician/songwriter once wrote; "yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I will fear no evil for Thou art with me" Evil or no evil, GOD IS WITH ME.
There is a song that says "there are depths of love that I cannot know" and the farther I go the more I think on the idea of "depths" of spirituality. There are depths of love, depths of trust, depths of peace, depths of faith.
Oh to walk deeper into the depths!
But a wise man I know once made it clear, 'you can only go so deep before you have to swim, and you can't swim if you're holding onto stuff'. At least that was the jist of it.
Before I close this post, I want to share one more verse with you. It may be that no one reading this will understand how much it meant to me as I read it but suffice it to say God knows what you need. He often meets that need through His Word. The words that touched my heart came from a tiny book called Zephaniah. A book people don't generally read too much. Read God's Word.
Zephaniah 3:16 & 17
In that day it shall be said to Jerusalem: "Do not fear; Zion, let not your hands be weak. The Lord your God in your midst, The Mighty One, will save; He will rejoice over you with gladness, He will quiet you in His love, He will rejoice over you with singing."
Saturday, November 04, 2006
Friday, November 03, 2006
It's all about love
I've found myself the last two days praying for love.
In a book I was reading recently it talked of a man that was trying to constantly keep his mind on God and it talked about the change in his love for others. He said he looked at someone with love and felt that they wanted to go with him. Just to be near that love. He remarked that He could only imagine how people felt that looking into the perfect love shining out of Christs eyes.
The lady I work with is going through a very rough time and she's got an almost desperate need for someone to listen to her. I can only imagine the emotional pain of telling your story over and over again wishing someone could speak the love that would bring peace to the situation. I constantly struggle with love vs. justice so I know my justice seeking words aren't helping her love seeking heart.
There's a guy in our office temporarily. He's been here a week and is slated to be here one more week at minimum. I cannot even begin to fathom his life. He's tried to convince us to call him "Ghost" and as a general rule it's impossible to carry on a conversation with him. He literally walked past us the other day saying "catch up", either that or "ketchup" we still haven't figured out what he was doing. Needless to say we weren't chasing him, and he wasn't getting a condiment. In a rare moment, actually the only full conversation we've had so far, I talked to him about God.
People aren't what they seem.
He said he didn't attend church anymore because the pastor told jokes from the pulpit. He said "you can't be talking about The Man and cracking jokes". So he quit going. He became quite outspoken against "Christian Rap" and said christian music should be christian music, and rap can't be christian. He dreams of owning his own recording studio one day, where he hopes to make making records affordable for those just starting out.
Yet, after that conversation we went straight back to strange 3-4 word statements that don't make a lot of sense.
I spent the morning hauling a spanish speaking employee around while trying to find a drs office that would see him. Apparently if you don't speak any english you must have a translator or the dr won't see you. I finally found a spanish speaking dr that let us in without an appointment. I can only try to imagine the emotions that a person would feel if they didn't understand what was going on and why I'm hauling them all over town and leaving drs offices without him being treated. Fortunately the injury wasn't serious, but I still wonder how many others go through this every day.
Looking into the weathered hispanic face of this 57 yr old man I wondered at what all he had seen, done, and how he got to the States.
It would be amazing to have a love in your eyes that could literally change lives. Much less the words of love that could change the stubborn heart.
God help me show the love that You would show.
In a book I was reading recently it talked of a man that was trying to constantly keep his mind on God and it talked about the change in his love for others. He said he looked at someone with love and felt that they wanted to go with him. Just to be near that love. He remarked that He could only imagine how people felt that looking into the perfect love shining out of Christs eyes.
The lady I work with is going through a very rough time and she's got an almost desperate need for someone to listen to her. I can only imagine the emotional pain of telling your story over and over again wishing someone could speak the love that would bring peace to the situation. I constantly struggle with love vs. justice so I know my justice seeking words aren't helping her love seeking heart.
There's a guy in our office temporarily. He's been here a week and is slated to be here one more week at minimum. I cannot even begin to fathom his life. He's tried to convince us to call him "Ghost" and as a general rule it's impossible to carry on a conversation with him. He literally walked past us the other day saying "catch up", either that or "ketchup" we still haven't figured out what he was doing. Needless to say we weren't chasing him, and he wasn't getting a condiment. In a rare moment, actually the only full conversation we've had so far, I talked to him about God.
People aren't what they seem.
He said he didn't attend church anymore because the pastor told jokes from the pulpit. He said "you can't be talking about The Man and cracking jokes". So he quit going. He became quite outspoken against "Christian Rap" and said christian music should be christian music, and rap can't be christian. He dreams of owning his own recording studio one day, where he hopes to make making records affordable for those just starting out.
Yet, after that conversation we went straight back to strange 3-4 word statements that don't make a lot of sense.
I spent the morning hauling a spanish speaking employee around while trying to find a drs office that would see him. Apparently if you don't speak any english you must have a translator or the dr won't see you. I finally found a spanish speaking dr that let us in without an appointment. I can only try to imagine the emotions that a person would feel if they didn't understand what was going on and why I'm hauling them all over town and leaving drs offices without him being treated. Fortunately the injury wasn't serious, but I still wonder how many others go through this every day.
Looking into the weathered hispanic face of this 57 yr old man I wondered at what all he had seen, done, and how he got to the States.
It would be amazing to have a love in your eyes that could literally change lives. Much less the words of love that could change the stubborn heart.
God help me show the love that You would show.
A posted post
This post came from one of my favorite bloggers, gunner over at Raw Christianity posted this. I'd encourage anyone to make his blog a regular stop.
_______
Harder to live
About ten minutes ago I finished a long and thought-out post about rejoicing in the midst of trials instead of simply rejoicing in hindsight. It’s something I’ve been thinking about a lot over the past few months. I felt that it was worth it to stay up later to write it, even though I knew I’d be more tired tomorrow. It probably took me an hour and a half to write, and I was relieved and satisfied when it was done. It’s always good to think hard about something and to labor to express it, and I hoped it might be an encouragement and challenge to those of you currently facing difficult trials (which is everyone). I finished the post with these words:
Everyone smiles at the rainbow. But can you smile in the rain?
Five seconds after I clicked “Publish,” my post disappeared. It was gone. I searched my blog to see if it might’ve been saved somewhere, and I prayed that the Lord would bring it back so that it might serve as an encouragement. But in His good pleasure, it’s gone for good. A similar thing actually happened with a post from last week, but the next morning I woke up and found that the Lord had preserved it somehow. All I had to do was re-post it. I’m pretty sure that’s not going to happen this time, though, judging by the looks of things.
So now I’m about to shut off my laptop, turn off the lights in my study, brush my teeth, and climb into bed. And I’m asking myself the same question that I was going to ask you:
Everyone smiles at the rainbow. But can you smile in the rain?
It’s harder to live the truth than to speak it. Even though it was hard work to write the post, I enjoyed it. But it’s much more laborious trying to embrace the pain of losing an hour and a half of work that I was satisfied with and that I had believed would be a fruitful act of service.
It’s going to be hard to go to sleep knowing that I put a lot of time and thought and energy and passion into something that vanished as quickly as I had finished it. It’s also going to be hard to accept the fact that no one will be encouraged by what I had hoped would be an encouragement. But this is what the Lord has chosen.
So now, in the few minutes that I’ll have between slipping under the covers and falling asleep, I hope to meditate on Job, to calm my heart, and to rediscover the joy that honors God most when exercised in pain and disappointment. Everyone rejoices when life is good. But when you lose something you love and you still rejoice, you show that your treasure is something greater than what you lost. Even though what I ”lost” was laughably small, may God stir this joy and sense this treasure in my heart tonight.
Then Job arose and tore his robe and shaved his head, and he fell to the ground and worshiped. He said, “Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked I shall return there. The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away. Blessed be the name of the LORD.” Through all this Job did not sin nor did he blame God (Job 1:20-22).
_______
Harder to live
About ten minutes ago I finished a long and thought-out post about rejoicing in the midst of trials instead of simply rejoicing in hindsight. It’s something I’ve been thinking about a lot over the past few months. I felt that it was worth it to stay up later to write it, even though I knew I’d be more tired tomorrow. It probably took me an hour and a half to write, and I was relieved and satisfied when it was done. It’s always good to think hard about something and to labor to express it, and I hoped it might be an encouragement and challenge to those of you currently facing difficult trials (which is everyone). I finished the post with these words:
Everyone smiles at the rainbow. But can you smile in the rain?
Five seconds after I clicked “Publish,” my post disappeared. It was gone. I searched my blog to see if it might’ve been saved somewhere, and I prayed that the Lord would bring it back so that it might serve as an encouragement. But in His good pleasure, it’s gone for good. A similar thing actually happened with a post from last week, but the next morning I woke up and found that the Lord had preserved it somehow. All I had to do was re-post it. I’m pretty sure that’s not going to happen this time, though, judging by the looks of things.
So now I’m about to shut off my laptop, turn off the lights in my study, brush my teeth, and climb into bed. And I’m asking myself the same question that I was going to ask you:
Everyone smiles at the rainbow. But can you smile in the rain?
It’s harder to live the truth than to speak it. Even though it was hard work to write the post, I enjoyed it. But it’s much more laborious trying to embrace the pain of losing an hour and a half of work that I was satisfied with and that I had believed would be a fruitful act of service.
It’s going to be hard to go to sleep knowing that I put a lot of time and thought and energy and passion into something that vanished as quickly as I had finished it. It’s also going to be hard to accept the fact that no one will be encouraged by what I had hoped would be an encouragement. But this is what the Lord has chosen.
So now, in the few minutes that I’ll have between slipping under the covers and falling asleep, I hope to meditate on Job, to calm my heart, and to rediscover the joy that honors God most when exercised in pain and disappointment. Everyone rejoices when life is good. But when you lose something you love and you still rejoice, you show that your treasure is something greater than what you lost. Even though what I ”lost” was laughably small, may God stir this joy and sense this treasure in my heart tonight.
Then Job arose and tore his robe and shaved his head, and he fell to the ground and worshiped. He said, “Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked I shall return there. The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away. Blessed be the name of the LORD.” Through all this Job did not sin nor did he blame God (Job 1:20-22).
Thursday, November 02, 2006
A quick quote
God's love never ceases. Never. Though we spurn him. Ignore him. Reject him. Despise him. Disobey him. He will not change. Our evil cannot diminish his love. Our goodness cannot increase it. Our faith does not earn it any more than our stupidity jeopardizes it. God doesn't love us less if we fail or more if we succeed. God's love never ceases. -- Max Lucado
God is good
Awhile back my brother and his family were going through some hard times. His last blog entry at his blog talks about how the violent take things by force and how he wrestled with God and God answered.
I'm not like that. I need God. I need God. I need God. I don't need a hand, a foot, 5 senses, money, didly squat. I need God. Everything else is a blessing, it's wonderful and seems necessary but it's still extra. When it comes to myself I've found I only feel right asking His Will in my life. When it comes to others and them wanting healing or something I approach it with the idea that I'm asking something "extra" for the person. I'm asking God, in all His mercy, to look down and give a drop more mercy, that He would be glorified through it.
So for 5 days now I've looked at my hand and wished certain things, but never took it to God saying "fix it please". I've tried to adjust my mind and be ready accept whatever outcome comes my way.
During Sunday school this past Sunday the lesson on Jonah, the teacher kept saying that sometimes we've disobeyed God and refused to do what He wants and that's why bad things happen to us. Last night my pastor started off talking about how God chastises us because He loves us. Then he began his sermon from Psalms 5. It's a short chapter if you want to read it. The pastor seemed to focus on the first two verses, but unfortunately for me I always read ahead. By the end of the sermon the words from verses 4 & 5 were burned into my head For thou art not a God that hath pleasure in wickedness: neither shall evil dwell with thee. The foolish shall not stand in thy sight: thou hatest all workers of iniquity.
I'd read those verses probably 30 times over and over, talking to God and trying my best to convince Him that if there was something I wasn't doing, I didn't have a clue what it was. He put foster care in my heart as clearly as spray painting it on my car. I knew what to do, when, and even the agency to use for my training. He's usually pretty clear for me. So if I'm being chastised because I'm not doing something, I don't know what on earth it is.
It was as I was completing this conversation with God again, I looked up from my bible and discovered my pastor staring at me. My heart sank, I'd made it this far, almost 3 full services without anyone praying for me. And then my pastor spoke and asked if they could pray for me.
If I'd had an ounce, just an ounce more courage I would have actually said no. I would rather everyone speculate and be disappointed in me than to have them disappointed in God because He said no. But I've been raised in church my whole life, I know protocol. When someone asks if they can pray for you, you just can't say no.
Everyone gathered around me and prayed.
I didn't hear a thing any of them said. The minute the murmur of prayers started I closed my eyes and I begged God in His mercy to not disappoint these precious people. I literally prayed He'd heal my arm and inflict me somewhere else just so these people could see their prayers answered and I'd still learn whatever it is He's trying to teach me. --feel free to comment that I'm insane --
This morning, I feel different. There have been a few moments where my hand almost felt normal for a moment, but that's not where I feel different. At 1am this morning I arrived at a place to pick up some newspapers and had to wait for them to arrive. I spent an hour and a half just sitting in my car. I was just quiet, which is rare if not next to impossible for my busy mind. It's the first time in my life I truly felt as though I'd had a conversation with God. He reminded me of things I hadn't thought of for awhile, and He pointed out some things in this situation that I hadn't put together. Every now and then my thoughts would fly away with me but then the quiet would return and after a bit the conversation would resume.
For all of the many crazy things I've been thinking of the last several days the one sure thing that has sunk into my head is that God is with me. I could have quoted you "I'll never leave you nor forsake you" a hundred times and thought I'd believed them. But since that first comfort He provided on Sunday I've felt His presence every moment since.
So let me tell you what I know.
God is good.
I'm not like that. I need God. I need God. I need God. I don't need a hand, a foot, 5 senses, money, didly squat. I need God. Everything else is a blessing, it's wonderful and seems necessary but it's still extra. When it comes to myself I've found I only feel right asking His Will in my life. When it comes to others and them wanting healing or something I approach it with the idea that I'm asking something "extra" for the person. I'm asking God, in all His mercy, to look down and give a drop more mercy, that He would be glorified through it.
So for 5 days now I've looked at my hand and wished certain things, but never took it to God saying "fix it please". I've tried to adjust my mind and be ready accept whatever outcome comes my way.
During Sunday school this past Sunday the lesson on Jonah, the teacher kept saying that sometimes we've disobeyed God and refused to do what He wants and that's why bad things happen to us. Last night my pastor started off talking about how God chastises us because He loves us. Then he began his sermon from Psalms 5. It's a short chapter if you want to read it. The pastor seemed to focus on the first two verses, but unfortunately for me I always read ahead. By the end of the sermon the words from verses 4 & 5 were burned into my head For thou art not a God that hath pleasure in wickedness: neither shall evil dwell with thee. The foolish shall not stand in thy sight: thou hatest all workers of iniquity.
I'd read those verses probably 30 times over and over, talking to God and trying my best to convince Him that if there was something I wasn't doing, I didn't have a clue what it was. He put foster care in my heart as clearly as spray painting it on my car. I knew what to do, when, and even the agency to use for my training. He's usually pretty clear for me. So if I'm being chastised because I'm not doing something, I don't know what on earth it is.
It was as I was completing this conversation with God again, I looked up from my bible and discovered my pastor staring at me. My heart sank, I'd made it this far, almost 3 full services without anyone praying for me. And then my pastor spoke and asked if they could pray for me.
If I'd had an ounce, just an ounce more courage I would have actually said no. I would rather everyone speculate and be disappointed in me than to have them disappointed in God because He said no. But I've been raised in church my whole life, I know protocol. When someone asks if they can pray for you, you just can't say no.
Everyone gathered around me and prayed.
I didn't hear a thing any of them said. The minute the murmur of prayers started I closed my eyes and I begged God in His mercy to not disappoint these precious people. I literally prayed He'd heal my arm and inflict me somewhere else just so these people could see their prayers answered and I'd still learn whatever it is He's trying to teach me. --feel free to comment that I'm insane --
This morning, I feel different. There have been a few moments where my hand almost felt normal for a moment, but that's not where I feel different. At 1am this morning I arrived at a place to pick up some newspapers and had to wait for them to arrive. I spent an hour and a half just sitting in my car. I was just quiet, which is rare if not next to impossible for my busy mind. It's the first time in my life I truly felt as though I'd had a conversation with God. He reminded me of things I hadn't thought of for awhile, and He pointed out some things in this situation that I hadn't put together. Every now and then my thoughts would fly away with me but then the quiet would return and after a bit the conversation would resume.
For all of the many crazy things I've been thinking of the last several days the one sure thing that has sunk into my head is that God is with me. I could have quoted you "I'll never leave you nor forsake you" a hundred times and thought I'd believed them. But since that first comfort He provided on Sunday I've felt His presence every moment since.
So let me tell you what I know.
God is good.
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
Are you watching this?
I made the phone call to my mom telling her I wasn't to use my arm awhile. Among the many things she said is that I may be doing all this just so "someone" could see me go through this.
So I ask you.... Are you watching?
For those that are only watching me on this blog, let me tell you what you're missing sight-wise today.
Today and yesterday I practiced my left-handed penmanship. "A quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog." So far my left hands writing ability is about the same range as a 7yr old.
I've scheduled my fire inspection for the foster care program, and somehow even successfully passed a class requiring me to perform the heimlich maneuver.
I've spent hours literally staring at my hand trying to will it to be better or at least different.
I played typer shark a typing game and discovered that my left hand types 34wpm with 97% accuracy. Yes, I'm boasting, feel free to boast about your own times in comments if you want. :)
I've researched as much as I can and found that stress can cause the incessant twitching to get worse so that may be why my general twitchiness has increased since I finally started thinking the was far beyond just being a little quirky. The bible promises perfect peace if my mind is stayed on God. My hand wasn't perfect, but I didn't lose my peace until I gave the problem more attention.
So, if you're watching this, this is me, trying to put my mind back on God.
So I ask you.... Are you watching?
For those that are only watching me on this blog, let me tell you what you're missing sight-wise today.
Today and yesterday I practiced my left-handed penmanship. "A quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog." So far my left hands writing ability is about the same range as a 7yr old.
I've scheduled my fire inspection for the foster care program, and somehow even successfully passed a class requiring me to perform the heimlich maneuver.
I've spent hours literally staring at my hand trying to will it to be better or at least different.
I played typer shark a typing game and discovered that my left hand types 34wpm with 97% accuracy. Yes, I'm boasting, feel free to boast about your own times in comments if you want. :)
I've researched as much as I can and found that stress can cause the incessant twitching to get worse so that may be why my general twitchiness has increased since I finally started thinking the was far beyond just being a little quirky. The bible promises perfect peace if my mind is stayed on God. My hand wasn't perfect, but I didn't lose my peace until I gave the problem more attention.
So, if you're watching this, this is me, trying to put my mind back on God.
Monday, October 30, 2006
Sometimes He calms the storm
All who sail the sea of faith
Find out before too long
How quickly blue skies can grow dark
And gentle winds grow strong
Suddenly fear is like white water
Pounding on the soul
Still we sail on knowing
That our Lord is in control
Sometimes He calms the storm
With a whispered peace be still
He can settle any sea
But it doesn't mean He will
Sometimes He holds us close
And lets the wind and waves go wild
Sometimes He calms the storm
And other times He calms His child
He has a reason for each trial
That we pass through in life
And though we're shaken
We cannot be pulled apart from Christ
No matter how the driving rain beats down
On those who hold to faith
A heart of trust will always
Be a quiet peaceful place
-penned by Tony Woods and Kevin Stokes
Find out before too long
How quickly blue skies can grow dark
And gentle winds grow strong
Suddenly fear is like white water
Pounding on the soul
Still we sail on knowing
That our Lord is in control
Sometimes He calms the storm
With a whispered peace be still
He can settle any sea
But it doesn't mean He will
Sometimes He holds us close
And lets the wind and waves go wild
Sometimes He calms the storm
And other times He calms His child
He has a reason for each trial
That we pass through in life
And though we're shaken
We cannot be pulled apart from Christ
No matter how the driving rain beats down
On those who hold to faith
A heart of trust will always
Be a quiet peaceful place
-penned by Tony Woods and Kevin Stokes
What wouldn't I give?
We had a guest speaker last night at church.
Towards the end of the service he asked anyone that had a problem and knew God was going to fix it, to raise their hand. I could have raised my hand, but I didn't.
Some of the only things I know about God is that I don't understand Him, His decisions sometimes hurt, and my opinion on the matters doesn't mean didly-squat. For the most part, I'm ok with all that. I trust implicitly that He's working all - emphasis on all- things for my good. No one likes growing pains, but they are necessary.
I'm hesitant to blame the devil for certain problems, because I know God tests us, tries us, and refines us. I'm hesitant to inform God that I want Him to fix such-n-such, or that I know He will fix such-n-such, because there's always the possibility that He's just watching me to see how I'm going to react if He doesn't fix it the way I expected.
I might have failed or passed the test in one swift move yesterday.
My hand doesn't work right. The doctor said don't use it for ten days, if it's carpel tunnel then the hopefully swelling will have gone down and life will return to normal. I play the piano for my church, my church family. I called my pastor and told him I was out of commission. A call that I will never make again. The only other person that can play has become the song leader and so we just sang acapella. I have never felt more selfish and derelict in my life. I left the church that morning informing the pastor that I'd be back to playing that night. (note to my family that reads this blog...don't tell mom about me playing) :)
The main thing I've learned through all this is that music is my easy "in" with God. If I need peace, comfort, calm, patience, or hope - those all come when I sit down to play. Some of my best prayers, most loving prayers for people that I might generally have a hard time loving, comes through my playing.
I'm typing this with one hand, cleaning, working, reading, everything happens with one hand. And I don't even care, I can take these limitations in stride. But just the thoughts of my not playing has me...I can't even begin to describe the swell of emotions.
I asked last week in post "What would you give?" it's almost as if God turned right back around asking me what I wouldn't give.
James says "My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into diverse temptations, knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience". I haven't made it even close to joyfulness. I haven't gotten past sadness yet.
BUT
For all my grief and fear I truly am grateful that He's still working on me.
Sunday morning in the middle of some of my strongest pain tears of grief and fear that I simply could not hold back rolling down my face. And let me tell you that's hard to explain to others during Sunday school lessons on easy topics like Jonah. Both my pastor and Sunday school teacher throughout the morning kept mentioning Gods hand and it was after about the third such mention that I felt a huge hand that reached from my shoulders almost to the top of my head. I quite literally leaned my head back against the support.
It's in me to demand health, healing, and my way. But it was in those simple moments with God's hand that I knew all I would truly plead for in this life is God. Everything else is a blessing.
Towards the end of the service he asked anyone that had a problem and knew God was going to fix it, to raise their hand. I could have raised my hand, but I didn't.
Some of the only things I know about God is that I don't understand Him, His decisions sometimes hurt, and my opinion on the matters doesn't mean didly-squat. For the most part, I'm ok with all that. I trust implicitly that He's working all - emphasis on all- things for my good. No one likes growing pains, but they are necessary.
I'm hesitant to blame the devil for certain problems, because I know God tests us, tries us, and refines us. I'm hesitant to inform God that I want Him to fix such-n-such, or that I know He will fix such-n-such, because there's always the possibility that He's just watching me to see how I'm going to react if He doesn't fix it the way I expected.
I might have failed or passed the test in one swift move yesterday.
My hand doesn't work right. The doctor said don't use it for ten days, if it's carpel tunnel then the hopefully swelling will have gone down and life will return to normal. I play the piano for my church, my church family. I called my pastor and told him I was out of commission. A call that I will never make again. The only other person that can play has become the song leader and so we just sang acapella. I have never felt more selfish and derelict in my life. I left the church that morning informing the pastor that I'd be back to playing that night. (note to my family that reads this blog...don't tell mom about me playing) :)
The main thing I've learned through all this is that music is my easy "in" with God. If I need peace, comfort, calm, patience, or hope - those all come when I sit down to play. Some of my best prayers, most loving prayers for people that I might generally have a hard time loving, comes through my playing.
I'm typing this with one hand, cleaning, working, reading, everything happens with one hand. And I don't even care, I can take these limitations in stride. But just the thoughts of my not playing has me...I can't even begin to describe the swell of emotions.
I asked last week in post "What would you give?" it's almost as if God turned right back around asking me what I wouldn't give.
James says "My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into diverse temptations, knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience". I haven't made it even close to joyfulness. I haven't gotten past sadness yet.
BUT
For all my grief and fear I truly am grateful that He's still working on me.
Sunday morning in the middle of some of my strongest pain tears of grief and fear that I simply could not hold back rolling down my face. And let me tell you that's hard to explain to others during Sunday school lessons on easy topics like Jonah. Both my pastor and Sunday school teacher throughout the morning kept mentioning Gods hand and it was after about the third such mention that I felt a huge hand that reached from my shoulders almost to the top of my head. I quite literally leaned my head back against the support.
It's in me to demand health, healing, and my way. But it was in those simple moments with God's hand that I knew all I would truly plead for in this life is God. Everything else is a blessing.
Tuesday, October 24, 2006
What would you give?
To save one soul from hell
Would you forsake your pride?
Would you forsake you parents?
Would you forsake your job?
Would you open your house to the homeless?
Would you give all your money, all your goods, to an organization?
Would you give up your free time?
Would you give up your favorite sport?
Would you give up one paycheck?
Would you a stranger one meal every day for a year?
Would you give up a friend?
Would you give up a child?
Would you give up your physical life?
Would you spend 2 hours a day praying for that person?
Would you allow that person to harm you?
Would you give up your cell phone?
Would you give up tv?
Would you give up your car?
Would you give up....anything that actually cost you something?
Would you forsake your pride?
Would you forsake you parents?
Would you forsake your job?
Would you open your house to the homeless?
Would you give all your money, all your goods, to an organization?
Would you give up your free time?
Would you give up your favorite sport?
Would you give up one paycheck?
Would you a stranger one meal every day for a year?
Would you give up a friend?
Would you give up a child?
Would you give up your physical life?
Would you spend 2 hours a day praying for that person?
Would you allow that person to harm you?
Would you give up your cell phone?
Would you give up tv?
Would you give up your car?
Would you give up....anything that actually cost you something?
Monday, October 23, 2006
Money Money Money Money Money
I love money.
Not necessarily the abundance of it, but fiddling with it.
I love bouncing around money, finding the safest place for it to land whether that be with the highest amount of interest, or the lowest amount of interest.
My debt charges me 2.99% interest for the life of the loan, and my bank pays me 4.99% interest for the pleasure of holding my checking account. I like that equation. With a few crazy maneuvers my phone bill actually shrank by 15 dollars when I added caller id, call waiting and call waiting id. It's amazing.
If you're spending too much, I can find ways to cut your bills, and increase or decrease your interest rate. Some things take time, but considering it's your money people are messing with (hard earned money I might add) it is more than well worth it. Financial stewardship might make some cringe, but for me you might as well be discussing Christmas eve. It's a joy, a thrill.
I cannot say this to brag because the fact of the matter is that I learned these things because of some costly stupid mistakes. I made a forty dollar mistake that cost me $9,000. No kidding. Among other mistakes that have left me saddled with debt, at this point I wouldn't trade a penny of it. I've learned so much, that helps me so often, I wouldn't trade what I've learned from debt for freedom from debt.
What that teaches me, what I know now better than ever before, is that every pain, every frustration I've ever been through has been for a reason. We all say it, and we all may think we believe it, but I wonder how many of us can actually point out the plus side to every struggle? Who says to their family "that car wreck was the biggest blessing!" or "I'm so glad I got fired!". It's just rare.
I know as a parent you have to make some amazingly hard choices. But rarely do those choices involve physical harm or peril to your child. Or getting your child fired from a job. At least I hope not. I can't imagine Gods life. Gods mindset as He does whatever it takes to get you to follow His will - a place you've supposedly prayed He would keep you. I can't imagine watching the pain and confusion on your childs face as they struggle with the lessons they have no idea are actually all that is keeping them on the right path.
I can't imagine how hard it is to love a child that much.
Today, I do something unusual and I leave you with a story. In this story one of the pots is cracked. In our wisdom we would never crack a pot in order to accomplish a task. In our wisdom we would do everything in our power to fix the crack so the pot would accomplish a task. But true healing comes when we use the crack to it's fullest potential, to accomplish something no "whole" pot could never accomplish. The bible states God won't put more on us than we can bear. Some pots, if you tried to crack them, would shatter. God knows which pots to crack. If I had to be cracked for the glory of God, then I can only thank God for loving me enough to bring the right people and circumstances in my life that would inflict those painful blows.
A water bearer in India had two large pots
each hung on each end of a pole which he carried
across his neck.
One of the pots had a crack in it, and while the other
pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion
of water at the end of the long walk from the stream
to the master's house, the cracked pot arrived only half full.
For a full two years this went on daily,
with the bearer delivering only one and a
half pots full of water in his master's house.
Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its
accomplishments, perfect to the end for which it was made.
But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection,
and miserable that it was able to accomplish only half
of what it had been made to do.
After two years of what it perceived to be a
bitter failure, it spoke to the water bearer
one day by the stream.
"I am ashamed of myself, and I want to apologize to you.
"Why?" asked the bearer. "What are you ashamed of?"
"I have been able, for these past two years,
to deliver only half my load because this crack
in my side causes water to leak out all the way
back to your master's house. Because of my flaws,
you have to do all of this work, and you don't get
full value from your efforts," the pot said.
The water bearer felt sorry for the old cracked pot,
and in his compassion he said,
"As we return to the master's house, I want you to
notice the beautiful flowers along the path."
Indeed, as they went up the hill, the old cracked
pot took notice of the sun warming the beautiful wild
flowers on the side of the path, and this cheered it some.
But at the end of the trail, it still felt bad
because it had leaked out half its load, and so again
it apologized to the bearer for its failure.
The bearer said to the pot, "Did you notice that
there were flowers only on your side of your path,
but not on the other pot's side? That's because I
have always known about your flaw,
and I took advantage of it.
I planted flower seeds on your side of the path,
and every day while we walk back from the stream,
you've watered them. For two years I have been
able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate
my master's table. Without you being just the way you are,
he would not have this beauty to grace his house.
"Moral: Each of us has our own unique flaws.
We're all cracked pots.
But it's the cracks and flaws we each have that make our
lives together so very interesting and rewarding.
You've just got to take each person for what they are,
and look for the good in them.
There is a lot of good out there.
There is a lot of good in us!
Blessed are the flexible,
for they shall not be bent out of shape.
*****For a quick and serious side note, the government might actually be holding onto money that failed to make it to you. You'll think it goes to everyone else BUT you, but you may very well be surprised. To do a search for your name in Texas go to Window On State Government For those that don't live in Texas you can also go to www.missingmoney.com and search your state. For those Texans that all this has confused... just call 1-800-654-3463 and they'll help you out. Or if you know my number call me. The idea of unclaimed money just floating around out there has been like Christmas morning every day since I've discovered it. I'll be more than happy to look up your relatives, friends, old bosses, any random name you can give me. ;) If I know your last name though, chances are I've already checked. This is too much fun!!
Not necessarily the abundance of it, but fiddling with it.
I love bouncing around money, finding the safest place for it to land whether that be with the highest amount of interest, or the lowest amount of interest.
My debt charges me 2.99% interest for the life of the loan, and my bank pays me 4.99% interest for the pleasure of holding my checking account. I like that equation. With a few crazy maneuvers my phone bill actually shrank by 15 dollars when I added caller id, call waiting and call waiting id. It's amazing.
If you're spending too much, I can find ways to cut your bills, and increase or decrease your interest rate. Some things take time, but considering it's your money people are messing with (hard earned money I might add) it is more than well worth it. Financial stewardship might make some cringe, but for me you might as well be discussing Christmas eve. It's a joy, a thrill.
I cannot say this to brag because the fact of the matter is that I learned these things because of some costly stupid mistakes. I made a forty dollar mistake that cost me $9,000. No kidding. Among other mistakes that have left me saddled with debt, at this point I wouldn't trade a penny of it. I've learned so much, that helps me so often, I wouldn't trade what I've learned from debt for freedom from debt.
What that teaches me, what I know now better than ever before, is that every pain, every frustration I've ever been through has been for a reason. We all say it, and we all may think we believe it, but I wonder how many of us can actually point out the plus side to every struggle? Who says to their family "that car wreck was the biggest blessing!" or "I'm so glad I got fired!". It's just rare.
I know as a parent you have to make some amazingly hard choices. But rarely do those choices involve physical harm or peril to your child. Or getting your child fired from a job. At least I hope not. I can't imagine Gods life. Gods mindset as He does whatever it takes to get you to follow His will - a place you've supposedly prayed He would keep you. I can't imagine watching the pain and confusion on your childs face as they struggle with the lessons they have no idea are actually all that is keeping them on the right path.
I can't imagine how hard it is to love a child that much.
Today, I do something unusual and I leave you with a story. In this story one of the pots is cracked. In our wisdom we would never crack a pot in order to accomplish a task. In our wisdom we would do everything in our power to fix the crack so the pot would accomplish a task. But true healing comes when we use the crack to it's fullest potential, to accomplish something no "whole" pot could never accomplish. The bible states God won't put more on us than we can bear. Some pots, if you tried to crack them, would shatter. God knows which pots to crack. If I had to be cracked for the glory of God, then I can only thank God for loving me enough to bring the right people and circumstances in my life that would inflict those painful blows.
A water bearer in India had two large pots
each hung on each end of a pole which he carried
across his neck.
One of the pots had a crack in it, and while the other
pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion
of water at the end of the long walk from the stream
to the master's house, the cracked pot arrived only half full.
For a full two years this went on daily,
with the bearer delivering only one and a
half pots full of water in his master's house.
Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its
accomplishments, perfect to the end for which it was made.
But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection,
and miserable that it was able to accomplish only half
of what it had been made to do.
After two years of what it perceived to be a
bitter failure, it spoke to the water bearer
one day by the stream.
"I am ashamed of myself, and I want to apologize to you.
"Why?" asked the bearer. "What are you ashamed of?"
"I have been able, for these past two years,
to deliver only half my load because this crack
in my side causes water to leak out all the way
back to your master's house. Because of my flaws,
you have to do all of this work, and you don't get
full value from your efforts," the pot said.
The water bearer felt sorry for the old cracked pot,
and in his compassion he said,
"As we return to the master's house, I want you to
notice the beautiful flowers along the path."
Indeed, as they went up the hill, the old cracked
pot took notice of the sun warming the beautiful wild
flowers on the side of the path, and this cheered it some.
But at the end of the trail, it still felt bad
because it had leaked out half its load, and so again
it apologized to the bearer for its failure.
The bearer said to the pot, "Did you notice that
there were flowers only on your side of your path,
but not on the other pot's side? That's because I
have always known about your flaw,
and I took advantage of it.
I planted flower seeds on your side of the path,
and every day while we walk back from the stream,
you've watered them. For two years I have been
able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate
my master's table. Without you being just the way you are,
he would not have this beauty to grace his house.
"Moral: Each of us has our own unique flaws.
We're all cracked pots.
But it's the cracks and flaws we each have that make our
lives together so very interesting and rewarding.
You've just got to take each person for what they are,
and look for the good in them.
There is a lot of good out there.
There is a lot of good in us!
Blessed are the flexible,
for they shall not be bent out of shape.
*****For a quick and serious side note, the government might actually be holding onto money that failed to make it to you. You'll think it goes to everyone else BUT you, but you may very well be surprised. To do a search for your name in Texas go to Window On State Government For those that don't live in Texas you can also go to www.missingmoney.com and search your state. For those Texans that all this has confused... just call 1-800-654-3463 and they'll help you out. Or if you know my number call me. The idea of unclaimed money just floating around out there has been like Christmas morning every day since I've discovered it. I'll be more than happy to look up your relatives, friends, old bosses, any random name you can give me. ;) If I know your last name though, chances are I've already checked. This is too much fun!!
Friday, October 20, 2006
4 minutes of hope
Foster care training is close to being over.
I've sat in a chair and endured hour after hour of what I can only describe as an mental and emotional beating.
Story after story after story of what happened to this kid, that kid, the kid that had kids. 12 yr olds giving birth. Stories of the vics vapor rub cps workers kept in their car that would help them not gag when they went in to a house to investigate an allegation or an outcry and then the description of the homes and why vics was a staple for cps workers.
A hundred horrible scenarios for you to try to imagine, or maybe come up with "what do you do". Your child just said they hate you and are going to hurt you, what do you do? You just overheard your child say they were going to have sex, what do you do?
Don't touch the child, but remember your child needs to be hugged and loved, but not if they don't want to be, but even if they don't want to be you need to make sure they know they are loved and could be hugged. All their baggage is your baggage, but you can't have any baggage because you need to be able to cope with whatever this child needs you to cope with. You must abide by these rules and not let them stay at someone elses house, unless not allowing them to stay at someones house makes them feel abnormal or different, then you should let them.
It's a crazy world where every statement is absolutely true and you just have to find the teeny tiny balance to all of them that makes what you're doing 'right'.
I've attended classes, installed smoke detectors, am currently looking at my fire extinguisher wondering where to stick it (lest they deem it inaccessible), I've got a first aid kid and a lock box, my cleaning supplies have been moved, I've made appointments to get my fingerprints electronically made, provided references and arranged TB testing. I've done these things and so much more (don't even get me started on daycare requirements and education).
I've done all this, and in return I've received approximately 4 minute of hope.
In a short 4 minutes our instructor last night gave me enough hope to keep going. She talked about the different situations in the bible where children were not raised by their natural parents. Best examples they had, Moses and Esther, with a couple of references to Joseph. She said we have the power to make a difference. She said God had a plan for these kids lives. That God had a future planned for these kids lives. She said we don't know who the person we're raising will become. Only she said that last one in a good way, rather than the scary way we've heard it all month long.
I haven't been blogging as much because there's so much going on and so much information in my head that it's hard for me to think of a topic much less think ON the topic. I'm hoping in a couple of weeks that things will go back to normal. So please be patient, keep checking the blog, and I'll blog more regularly as I am able.
Encourage someone. If just a 4 minute quickie of hope can get me through 1800 + minutes of discouragement, just imagine what power you have during a lunch break or your 20 minute hospital visit. You have power. Go to it.
I've sat in a chair and endured hour after hour of what I can only describe as an mental and emotional beating.
Story after story after story of what happened to this kid, that kid, the kid that had kids. 12 yr olds giving birth. Stories of the vics vapor rub cps workers kept in their car that would help them not gag when they went in to a house to investigate an allegation or an outcry and then the description of the homes and why vics was a staple for cps workers.
A hundred horrible scenarios for you to try to imagine, or maybe come up with "what do you do". Your child just said they hate you and are going to hurt you, what do you do? You just overheard your child say they were going to have sex, what do you do?
Don't touch the child, but remember your child needs to be hugged and loved, but not if they don't want to be, but even if they don't want to be you need to make sure they know they are loved and could be hugged. All their baggage is your baggage, but you can't have any baggage because you need to be able to cope with whatever this child needs you to cope with. You must abide by these rules and not let them stay at someone elses house, unless not allowing them to stay at someones house makes them feel abnormal or different, then you should let them.
It's a crazy world where every statement is absolutely true and you just have to find the teeny tiny balance to all of them that makes what you're doing 'right'.
I've attended classes, installed smoke detectors, am currently looking at my fire extinguisher wondering where to stick it (lest they deem it inaccessible), I've got a first aid kid and a lock box, my cleaning supplies have been moved, I've made appointments to get my fingerprints electronically made, provided references and arranged TB testing. I've done these things and so much more (don't even get me started on daycare requirements and education).
I've done all this, and in return I've received approximately 4 minute of hope.
In a short 4 minutes our instructor last night gave me enough hope to keep going. She talked about the different situations in the bible where children were not raised by their natural parents. Best examples they had, Moses and Esther, with a couple of references to Joseph. She said we have the power to make a difference. She said God had a plan for these kids lives. That God had a future planned for these kids lives. She said we don't know who the person we're raising will become. Only she said that last one in a good way, rather than the scary way we've heard it all month long.
I haven't been blogging as much because there's so much going on and so much information in my head that it's hard for me to think of a topic much less think ON the topic. I'm hoping in a couple of weeks that things will go back to normal. So please be patient, keep checking the blog, and I'll blog more regularly as I am able.
Encourage someone. If just a 4 minute quickie of hope can get me through 1800 + minutes of discouragement, just imagine what power you have during a lunch break or your 20 minute hospital visit. You have power. Go to it.
The one person I didn't ask...
I've lived in this house for nearly 5 years now, and for those 5 years, my next door neighbor has continuously done small, kind things. From taking my trash to the curb to telling me someone used my water hose while I was at work.
One thing I discovered recently was that he not only takes my trash to the curb sometimes, but he takes out my discarded food items from the trash. He's not all there mentally, and he's easily confused if things aren't as they should be. He has no telephone and needs to call a cab every day to take him to work. So I let him in to use the phone.
It started slowly, he was just using the phone, and then I was giving him something to drink because apparently his water is turned off. Now he makes extra trips over just to visit with me.
I happened to mention this to my dad, and I was immediately advised to stop. It wasn't safe, and it wasn't "appropriate" for me to have a man in my home.
I stopped.
I could have cried when he would come by and ring the doorbell and I ignored it. When I'd see him outside the next day he'd tell me he came by but that I'd been sleeping. Everything about locking this man out felt deep down, gut-wrenching painfully wrong.
I know that everything I'd like to do, might not be appropriate for me to do. I understand this. That's why I wanted a guideline to follow, a simple principal that I can place my actions up to and go "there, this is right/wrong". I began asking WWJDAASF (What would Jesus Do As A Single Female) OR WWJAASF (What Would Jesus Advise A Single Female). I came up with nothing. The few people I asked told me to follow the Holy Spirits leading. But honestly, if the Holy Spirit had been leading me to not let the man in my home, I wouldn't have done it in the first place.
So, I was stuck.
Wednesday night, my answer came from the best person to ask, that I had failed to ask; my pastor.
Knowing nothing of my situation the pastor began to teach.
Acts 9: 1 - 5
1And Saul, yet breathing out threatenings and slaughter against the disciples of the Lord, went unto the high priest, And desired of him letters to Damascus to the synagogues, that if he found any of this way, whether they were men or women, he might bring them bound unto Jerusalem. And as he journeyed, he came near Damascus: and suddenly there shined round about him a light from heaven: And he fell to the earth, and heard a voice saying unto him, Saul, Saul, why persecutest thou me? And he said, Who art thou, Lord? And the Lord said, I am Jesus whom thou persecutest: it is hard for thee to kick against the pricks.
Then he went on to read Matthew 25:31-46
When the Son of man shall come in his glory, and all the holy angels with him, then shall he sit upon the throne of his glory: And before him shall be gathered all nations: and he shall separate them one from another, as a shepherd divideth his sheep from the goats: And he shall set the sheep on his right hand, but the goats on the left. Then shall the King say unto them on his right hand, Come, ye blessed of my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world: For I was an hungred, and ye gave me meat: I was thirsty, and ye gave me drink: I was a stranger, and ye took me in: Naked, and ye clothed me: I was sick, and ye visited me: I was in prison, and ye came unto me. Then shall the righteous answer him, saying, Lord, when saw we thee an hungred, and fed thee? or thirsty, and gave thee drink? When saw we thee a stranger, and took thee in? or naked, and clothed thee? Or when saw we thee sick, or in prison, and came unto thee? And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me. Then shall he say also unto them on the left hand, Depart from me, ye cursed, into everlasting fire, prepared for the devil and his angels: For I was an hungred, and ye gave me no meat: I was thirsty, and ye gave me no drink: I was a stranger, and ye took me not in: naked, and ye clothed me not: sick, and in prison, and ye visited me not. Then shall they also answer him, saying, Lord, when saw we thee an hungred, or athirst, or a stranger, or naked, or sick, or in prison, and did not minister unto thee? Then shall he answer them, saying, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye did it not to one of the least of these, ye did it not to me. And these shall go away into everlasting punishment: but the righteous into life eternal.
The pastors point (referring back to Saul) is that the rude/bad things we've done to others, we've done to God as well. And immediately I knew exactly what Jesus would advise a single female.
At some point, whether others think it's appropriate or safe, I have to remember that when I'm doing something for the least I've done it unto God. Whether that be giving out the glass of water to my neighbor or leaving my neighbor outside. There are changes I can make in what I'm doing, primarily telling my neighbor he can't come visiting after dark. But other than that, my decision is made.
One thing I discovered recently was that he not only takes my trash to the curb sometimes, but he takes out my discarded food items from the trash. He's not all there mentally, and he's easily confused if things aren't as they should be. He has no telephone and needs to call a cab every day to take him to work. So I let him in to use the phone.
It started slowly, he was just using the phone, and then I was giving him something to drink because apparently his water is turned off. Now he makes extra trips over just to visit with me.
I happened to mention this to my dad, and I was immediately advised to stop. It wasn't safe, and it wasn't "appropriate" for me to have a man in my home.
I stopped.
I could have cried when he would come by and ring the doorbell and I ignored it. When I'd see him outside the next day he'd tell me he came by but that I'd been sleeping. Everything about locking this man out felt deep down, gut-wrenching painfully wrong.
I know that everything I'd like to do, might not be appropriate for me to do. I understand this. That's why I wanted a guideline to follow, a simple principal that I can place my actions up to and go "there, this is right/wrong". I began asking WWJDAASF (What would Jesus Do As A Single Female) OR WWJAASF (What Would Jesus Advise A Single Female). I came up with nothing. The few people I asked told me to follow the Holy Spirits leading. But honestly, if the Holy Spirit had been leading me to not let the man in my home, I wouldn't have done it in the first place.
So, I was stuck.
Wednesday night, my answer came from the best person to ask, that I had failed to ask; my pastor.
Knowing nothing of my situation the pastor began to teach.
Acts 9: 1 - 5
1And Saul, yet breathing out threatenings and slaughter against the disciples of the Lord, went unto the high priest, And desired of him letters to Damascus to the synagogues, that if he found any of this way, whether they were men or women, he might bring them bound unto Jerusalem. And as he journeyed, he came near Damascus: and suddenly there shined round about him a light from heaven: And he fell to the earth, and heard a voice saying unto him, Saul, Saul, why persecutest thou me? And he said, Who art thou, Lord? And the Lord said, I am Jesus whom thou persecutest: it is hard for thee to kick against the pricks.
Then he went on to read Matthew 25:31-46
When the Son of man shall come in his glory, and all the holy angels with him, then shall he sit upon the throne of his glory: And before him shall be gathered all nations: and he shall separate them one from another, as a shepherd divideth his sheep from the goats: And he shall set the sheep on his right hand, but the goats on the left. Then shall the King say unto them on his right hand, Come, ye blessed of my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world: For I was an hungred, and ye gave me meat: I was thirsty, and ye gave me drink: I was a stranger, and ye took me in: Naked, and ye clothed me: I was sick, and ye visited me: I was in prison, and ye came unto me. Then shall the righteous answer him, saying, Lord, when saw we thee an hungred, and fed thee? or thirsty, and gave thee drink? When saw we thee a stranger, and took thee in? or naked, and clothed thee? Or when saw we thee sick, or in prison, and came unto thee? And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me. Then shall he say also unto them on the left hand, Depart from me, ye cursed, into everlasting fire, prepared for the devil and his angels: For I was an hungred, and ye gave me no meat: I was thirsty, and ye gave me no drink: I was a stranger, and ye took me not in: naked, and ye clothed me not: sick, and in prison, and ye visited me not. Then shall they also answer him, saying, Lord, when saw we thee an hungred, or athirst, or a stranger, or naked, or sick, or in prison, and did not minister unto thee? Then shall he answer them, saying, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye did it not to one of the least of these, ye did it not to me. And these shall go away into everlasting punishment: but the righteous into life eternal.
The pastors point (referring back to Saul) is that the rude/bad things we've done to others, we've done to God as well. And immediately I knew exactly what Jesus would advise a single female.
At some point, whether others think it's appropriate or safe, I have to remember that when I'm doing something for the least I've done it unto God. Whether that be giving out the glass of water to my neighbor or leaving my neighbor outside. There are changes I can make in what I'm doing, primarily telling my neighbor he can't come visiting after dark. But other than that, my decision is made.
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
So much to do so little time
From being at work 9 hrs a day to training classes to driving back and forth for those training classes, to picking up anything extra necessary at my 2nd job life is busy.
My title makes sense now right?
But that's not what I'm talking about.
One of the reasons I'm looking forward to foster care is that my busyness will finally be geared towards God. Not money, not stuff, not friendships, not family, but God. There is so much God needs done in this world, and so little time to do it. Especially if you're hoping to pick up the slack for all those that aren't doing anything.
I was talking to a lady the other day that informed me she was fed up and was going to leave her husband. In my responses to her I asked her to choose. Choose who she was going to serve, whether it was going to be God or herself. Unfortunately though, my admonitions came back to bite me. As I thought about what I was saying, I knew my words weren't just about staying with her husband, but about every aspect of my life.
When I wake up I am allowed to choose. Is today about me or God? I can easily tell everyone that God comes first, but when I'm hitting the snooze alarm desiring 9 more minutes of sleep rather than getting up and spending the time necessary in prayer and reading the bible then who I'm placing first is very clear.
It's a daily choice, actually an minute by minute choice it seems, to put God first in everything and in every way. I can't put off my study of His word till tomorrow. I don't have time for procrastination, there's just too much to do and far too little time.
My title makes sense now right?
But that's not what I'm talking about.
One of the reasons I'm looking forward to foster care is that my busyness will finally be geared towards God. Not money, not stuff, not friendships, not family, but God. There is so much God needs done in this world, and so little time to do it. Especially if you're hoping to pick up the slack for all those that aren't doing anything.
I was talking to a lady the other day that informed me she was fed up and was going to leave her husband. In my responses to her I asked her to choose. Choose who she was going to serve, whether it was going to be God or herself. Unfortunately though, my admonitions came back to bite me. As I thought about what I was saying, I knew my words weren't just about staying with her husband, but about every aspect of my life.
When I wake up I am allowed to choose. Is today about me or God? I can easily tell everyone that God comes first, but when I'm hitting the snooze alarm desiring 9 more minutes of sleep rather than getting up and spending the time necessary in prayer and reading the bible then who I'm placing first is very clear.
It's a daily choice, actually an minute by minute choice it seems, to put God first in everything and in every way. I can't put off my study of His word till tomorrow. I don't have time for procrastination, there's just too much to do and far too little time.
Friday, October 13, 2006
A testimony
Sunday night, after church was over and everyone had gone I sat quietly in the dark of the church just telling God over and over that I wanted to be able to speak in tongues. Finally I went home, and I spent Monday fasting. I don’t know that I’ve ever fasted because I wanted something so specific from God but I did that day. I spent all day long, again, just telling God over and over what I wanted.
When Tuesday arrived I wasn’t much better off. But late that night as I made the hour and a half drive home from a training class I'm taking I started thinking more about something that had occurred to me Monday. I have a very deep respect for spiritual things and I cannot imagine opening my mouth and spouting gobbledegook and hoping that it’s the Holy Ghost. I just knew I couldn’t. God might understand why I was doing what I was doing, but there was no way I’d allow myself to do that, no matter how much I wanted to be able to speak in tongues.
I didn’t know what to do about that, or how to fix that kind of an issue. Almost anyone can tell you the Holy Spirit won’t make you speak in tongues. The miracle of it all is that you’re speaking in tongues, not that you’re speaking. So you actually have to, well, speak.
Amidst the confusion of my thoughts God spoke and I obeyed. I turned down the radio and sang. Driving down the road I was singing in a language that was absolutely foreign to me. It was as simple as singing as I normally would, but drastically different in its effect on me.
It isn’t what I wanted. I wanted to be able to pray for others, and I got a song of worship. My gift seems useless to anyone that isn’t ME, and I was hoping for a gift that primarily helped others besides me. God knows what I “need” though, and provided His gift based on that. I've been seeking the gift of tongues for two years and it could be that if I had ever tried to sing I might have had this gift long long ago. I’ll never know.
I don’t know what all stops us from being able to speak in tongues (or sing in them), but it is well worth trying. For me that didn’t mean going to the altar every time someone said to come be prayed over for the Holy Spirit. But a constant desire to have the Holy Spirit and the ability to pray in a gift far superior to my own words.
I write this today to document a change in my life, but also simply to share it with you. I have no authority or words of wisdom to provide for you if you're seeking something yourself. Stepping into something deeper with God is such a personal struggle that everything I could tell you might not apply at all to your situation and your struggle. So I'll only tell you the one thing that applies no matter who you are, and what you're dealing with:
God is so good.
When Tuesday arrived I wasn’t much better off. But late that night as I made the hour and a half drive home from a training class I'm taking I started thinking more about something that had occurred to me Monday. I have a very deep respect for spiritual things and I cannot imagine opening my mouth and spouting gobbledegook and hoping that it’s the Holy Ghost. I just knew I couldn’t. God might understand why I was doing what I was doing, but there was no way I’d allow myself to do that, no matter how much I wanted to be able to speak in tongues.
I didn’t know what to do about that, or how to fix that kind of an issue. Almost anyone can tell you the Holy Spirit won’t make you speak in tongues. The miracle of it all is that you’re speaking in tongues, not that you’re speaking. So you actually have to, well, speak.
Amidst the confusion of my thoughts God spoke and I obeyed. I turned down the radio and sang. Driving down the road I was singing in a language that was absolutely foreign to me. It was as simple as singing as I normally would, but drastically different in its effect on me.
It isn’t what I wanted. I wanted to be able to pray for others, and I got a song of worship. My gift seems useless to anyone that isn’t ME, and I was hoping for a gift that primarily helped others besides me. God knows what I “need” though, and provided His gift based on that. I've been seeking the gift of tongues for two years and it could be that if I had ever tried to sing I might have had this gift long long ago. I’ll never know.
I don’t know what all stops us from being able to speak in tongues (or sing in them), but it is well worth trying. For me that didn’t mean going to the altar every time someone said to come be prayed over for the Holy Spirit. But a constant desire to have the Holy Spirit and the ability to pray in a gift far superior to my own words.
I write this today to document a change in my life, but also simply to share it with you. I have no authority or words of wisdom to provide for you if you're seeking something yourself. Stepping into something deeper with God is such a personal struggle that everything I could tell you might not apply at all to your situation and your struggle. So I'll only tell you the one thing that applies no matter who you are, and what you're dealing with:
God is so good.
Thursday, October 05, 2006
No really, what would Jesus do?
It's become so well known, so advertised, it's on t-shirts, bumper stickers, jewelery, toys, books and music. It's become a symbol.
And I wonder if that's why Christians hide from it now.
Not all Christians, but some. It's as though to prove you are spiritually deep you can't connect yourself with the huge broadcast message that is so widely known to the secular world.
I'm not that deep.
I need to know, every day, in so many situations, what would Jesus do? Would Jesus screen His calls? Would Jesus not answer the door if He weren't feeling well? Would Jesus insist on His own way in non-spiritual issues?
I need to be asked, and reminded that my immediate actions aren't necessarily the very same response that God would have in situations. If Christ were on earth would He use words like heck, hell, god, darn, gee, or gosh? Would He care if others used those words? Or would He only care if Christians used those words? Or would He just not care at all? I know what my reaction is to those words, but what would His be?
There isn't a lazy thought in God, so I know He would keep His house cleaner than I do. His yard would be mowed more often probably, and some of the chores I've put off for another week, He would have done them as they came to Him to accomplish.
He'd be more concerned with the real people dying, lost, around me than the fake lives lived out on tv, whether or not my favorite get kicked off the island, or which dog wins the ugliest dog contest.
His very lifestyle would attract attention that would allow Him to minister to people. He wouldn't get by from paycheck to paycheck because He spent so much money eating out. He'd find himself spending more money because so many people would be visiting Him and He'd feed them.
I can spend my paycheck now. I can pay bills that will sustain me for another month, or I can blow it on eating out, seeing movies and playing games and the very next day I'll have nothing to show for it.
I'm spending my life right now. One day the very last drop of life will be spent and dear God, I ache to have something to show you that moth and rust can't corrupt. Something that will outlast this earth and make it to You so You can see what I did the with the life and talents You have given me. Help me live my life, as You would live my life.
And I wonder if that's why Christians hide from it now.
Not all Christians, but some. It's as though to prove you are spiritually deep you can't connect yourself with the huge broadcast message that is so widely known to the secular world.
I'm not that deep.
I need to know, every day, in so many situations, what would Jesus do? Would Jesus screen His calls? Would Jesus not answer the door if He weren't feeling well? Would Jesus insist on His own way in non-spiritual issues?
I need to be asked, and reminded that my immediate actions aren't necessarily the very same response that God would have in situations. If Christ were on earth would He use words like heck, hell, god, darn, gee, or gosh? Would He care if others used those words? Or would He only care if Christians used those words? Or would He just not care at all? I know what my reaction is to those words, but what would His be?
There isn't a lazy thought in God, so I know He would keep His house cleaner than I do. His yard would be mowed more often probably, and some of the chores I've put off for another week, He would have done them as they came to Him to accomplish.
He'd be more concerned with the real people dying, lost, around me than the fake lives lived out on tv, whether or not my favorite get kicked off the island, or which dog wins the ugliest dog contest.
His very lifestyle would attract attention that would allow Him to minister to people. He wouldn't get by from paycheck to paycheck because He spent so much money eating out. He'd find himself spending more money because so many people would be visiting Him and He'd feed them.
I can spend my paycheck now. I can pay bills that will sustain me for another month, or I can blow it on eating out, seeing movies and playing games and the very next day I'll have nothing to show for it.
I'm spending my life right now. One day the very last drop of life will be spent and dear God, I ache to have something to show you that moth and rust can't corrupt. Something that will outlast this earth and make it to You so You can see what I did the with the life and talents You have given me. Help me live my life, as You would live my life.
Tuesday, October 03, 2006
I am blessed
I'm working on a post about love. I'm not even close to having the thoughts in my heart ready for posting, but I'm so preoccupied with what I really want to be saying that it's hard for me to post on anything else. So maybe this whole week is just going to be about love. We'll just have to see how it goes.
I was thinking today about how blessed I am. A little over 10 years ago I met an amazing couple from New York. I didn't meet them in person, but I met them online. I was 15 yrs old then and I'm 25 yrs old now and I am still in regular contact with these friends.
6 yrs ago through a website of mine a young man from Houston (now moved to Tulsa) came across my website. He e-mailed me and we're still in touch and have visited each other on several occasions. He memorizes scripture for Bible Quiz as a participant and a coach. His most recent challenge so far has been memorizing the book of Romans and two other books which he had to recite for a judge in 45 minutes I believe.
Right now, thanks to my blog I've met someone else that is slowly becoming a friend. I'm looking forward to meet him and his wife *hopefully* sometime soon.
I've made friends with convienience store clerks, mentally challenged neighbors, my brothers co-workers, and a scattering of people all over that I could have just dismissed as irrelavant to my life. One of the small ties I especially cherish is a friendship with my sister-in-laws family.
If the world is suppose to know I'm a Christian by my love, my list proves I haven't even made a dent. I come in contact with so many people each and every day. It's so easy to dismiss people. So very easy. God didn't choose me for His Kingdom because I'm a better person than those around me. I'm not more important, I'm just willing.
I was thinking today about how blessed I am. A little over 10 years ago I met an amazing couple from New York. I didn't meet them in person, but I met them online. I was 15 yrs old then and I'm 25 yrs old now and I am still in regular contact with these friends.
6 yrs ago through a website of mine a young man from Houston (now moved to Tulsa) came across my website. He e-mailed me and we're still in touch and have visited each other on several occasions. He memorizes scripture for Bible Quiz as a participant and a coach. His most recent challenge so far has been memorizing the book of Romans and two other books which he had to recite for a judge in 45 minutes I believe.
Right now, thanks to my blog I've met someone else that is slowly becoming a friend. I'm looking forward to meet him and his wife *hopefully* sometime soon.
I've made friends with convienience store clerks, mentally challenged neighbors, my brothers co-workers, and a scattering of people all over that I could have just dismissed as irrelavant to my life. One of the small ties I especially cherish is a friendship with my sister-in-laws family.
If the world is suppose to know I'm a Christian by my love, my list proves I haven't even made a dent. I come in contact with so many people each and every day. It's so easy to dismiss people. So very easy. God didn't choose me for His Kingdom because I'm a better person than those around me. I'm not more important, I'm just willing.
Monday, October 02, 2006
New Poll
I just wanted to draw your attention to a new poll. It's a tough question, and you probably want to pick "I don't know" but I'm not giving you that option. What would you do?
Wednesday, September 27, 2006
A moral with a story
One of the scariest things about getting into foster care is knowing I'm going at this alone. I would literally be a single parent. I have the option of getting out, I wouldn't necessarily be taking children for the rest of my life, which is about the only thing that seems to set me apart from "real" single parents.
During the moments I freeze up with fear it seems that I am convinced that if there was a second person around I wouldn't have a doubt that what I'm doing is possible.
Unfortunately for all of us, those same feelings translate to nearly every single aspect of our lives. No one is immune.
How many times are we given the opportunity to do something, but we don't because we've decided we're not capable? We don't start a church program because we're the only ones interested in this program and we can't do it ourselves. Right? We don't start helping a neighbor with 6 kids because we can't handle the burden of 6 kids and we don't want them to start calling us for assistance. Right? We don't start neighborhood cleaning programs because we might be the only person cleaning the neighborhood. Right? Say you live in a house with 5 occupants, we might not even clean the house because we believe the other 4 won't. Right?
Are we all just doing the least we can do because no one else is doing more?
An e-mail I received prompted this post it came labelled as a 'joke' in the mail. It made me think more than it did laugh. But I hope you enjoy it either way.
____________________________________________
An out-of-towner accidentally drives his car into a deep ditch
on the side of a country road. Luckily a farmer happened by
with his big old horse named Benny.
The man asked for help. The farmer said Benny could pull his
car out. So he backed Benny up and hitched Benny to the man's
car bumper.
Then he yelled, "Pull, Nellie, pull." Benny didn't move.
Then he yelled, "Come on, pull Ranger." Still, Benny didn't
move.
Then he yelled really loud, "Now pull, Fred, pull hard." Benny
just stood.
Then the farmer nonchalantly said, "Okay, Benny, pull."
Benny pulled the car out of the ditch.
The man was very appreciative but curious. He asked the farmer
why he called his horse by the wrong name three times.
The farmer said, "Oh, Benny is blind, and if he thought he was
the only one pulling he wouldn't even try."
During the moments I freeze up with fear it seems that I am convinced that if there was a second person around I wouldn't have a doubt that what I'm doing is possible.
Unfortunately for all of us, those same feelings translate to nearly every single aspect of our lives. No one is immune.
How many times are we given the opportunity to do something, but we don't because we've decided we're not capable? We don't start a church program because we're the only ones interested in this program and we can't do it ourselves. Right? We don't start helping a neighbor with 6 kids because we can't handle the burden of 6 kids and we don't want them to start calling us for assistance. Right? We don't start neighborhood cleaning programs because we might be the only person cleaning the neighborhood. Right? Say you live in a house with 5 occupants, we might not even clean the house because we believe the other 4 won't. Right?
Are we all just doing the least we can do because no one else is doing more?
An e-mail I received prompted this post it came labelled as a 'joke' in the mail. It made me think more than it did laugh. But I hope you enjoy it either way.
____________________________________________
An out-of-towner accidentally drives his car into a deep ditch
on the side of a country road. Luckily a farmer happened by
with his big old horse named Benny.
The man asked for help. The farmer said Benny could pull his
car out. So he backed Benny up and hitched Benny to the man's
car bumper.
Then he yelled, "Pull, Nellie, pull." Benny didn't move.
Then he yelled, "Come on, pull Ranger." Still, Benny didn't
move.
Then he yelled really loud, "Now pull, Fred, pull hard." Benny
just stood.
Then the farmer nonchalantly said, "Okay, Benny, pull."
Benny pulled the car out of the ditch.
The man was very appreciative but curious. He asked the farmer
why he called his horse by the wrong name three times.
The farmer said, "Oh, Benny is blind, and if he thought he was
the only one pulling he wouldn't even try."
Tuesday, September 26, 2006
Behind closed doors.
Have you ever read some of my posts and wondered ' what brought this on?" Well, I'm blogging today because someone gifted me a shirt. And because of this gift I'm sitting here at work - in public - feeling like a freakishly long-armed floral pirate. Unfortunately my outward expressions of gratitude do not even closely resemble my inward feelings. And that is why I blog what I blog today.
If it weren't for closed doors, I don't know if I would ever have found my way into the relationship I have with God.
I was raised in church. As a pastors daughter I was raised to make the church people happy. The house was always neat because if someone came over they couldn't think we were dirty, and if my brother or I had to be disciplined during church our smiles during a pinch had to seem genuine so no one would known the pastors kids acted up. I was never charged to be perfect, but I was certainly expected to appear perfect.
Finally, Jan 17th, 2002 I moved into my own house. With no one else around to act to I could be the miserable wretch I am behind those closed doors.
But God worked. He molded and crafted, and my life began to take a real shape. I no longer want who I am behind closed doors to be any different than who I am to you my reader, you my family, and you my church. But the question remains, have I accomplished it?
Do I use words with my worldly friends that I wouldn't use in front of my pastor?
Do I treat people as a friend to their face but say unfriendly things about them behind their back?
Do I say a person should act one way, but I myself only act that way in public, not in private?
Do I put others first, but complain about them after they're gone?
Psalms says there isn't a word in my tongue, but lo O Lord thou knowest it altogether (I memorize KJV can you tell? ). Even if I somehow manage to keep from saying my selfish, self centered, unkind, unloving, rude, hateful, frustrated comments, God knows I thought them. And for God, who is the ever present judge of my heart, that's just as bad as having said them.
So, have I accomplished being exactly who I am both publicly and privately? No. But God and I are working on it. Maybe one day I'll be able to say these verses about myself.
Psalms 17 verses 1 - 8
Hear the right, O LORD, attend unto my cry, give ear unto my prayer, that goeth not out of feigned lips. Let my sentence come forth from thy presence; let thine eyes behold the things that are equal. Thou hast proved mine heart; thou hast visited me in the night; thou hast tried me, and shalt find nothing; I am purposed that my mouth shall not transgress. Concerning the works of men, by the word of thy lips I have kept me from the paths of the destroyer. Hold up my goings in thy paths, that my footsteps slip not. I have called upon thee, for thou wilt hear me, O God: incline thine ear unto me, and hear my speech. Shew thy marvellous lovingkindness, O thou that savest by thy right hand them which put their trust in thee from those that rise up against them. Keep me as the apple of the eye, hide me under the shadow of thy wings.
If it weren't for closed doors, I don't know if I would ever have found my way into the relationship I have with God.
I was raised in church. As a pastors daughter I was raised to make the church people happy. The house was always neat because if someone came over they couldn't think we were dirty, and if my brother or I had to be disciplined during church our smiles during a pinch had to seem genuine so no one would known the pastors kids acted up. I was never charged to be perfect, but I was certainly expected to appear perfect.
Finally, Jan 17th, 2002 I moved into my own house. With no one else around to act to I could be the miserable wretch I am behind those closed doors.
But God worked. He molded and crafted, and my life began to take a real shape. I no longer want who I am behind closed doors to be any different than who I am to you my reader, you my family, and you my church. But the question remains, have I accomplished it?
Do I use words with my worldly friends that I wouldn't use in front of my pastor?
Do I treat people as a friend to their face but say unfriendly things about them behind their back?
Do I say a person should act one way, but I myself only act that way in public, not in private?
Do I put others first, but complain about them after they're gone?
Psalms says there isn't a word in my tongue, but lo O Lord thou knowest it altogether (I memorize KJV can you tell? ). Even if I somehow manage to keep from saying my selfish, self centered, unkind, unloving, rude, hateful, frustrated comments, God knows I thought them. And for God, who is the ever present judge of my heart, that's just as bad as having said them.
So, have I accomplished being exactly who I am both publicly and privately? No. But God and I are working on it. Maybe one day I'll be able to say these verses about myself.
Psalms 17 verses 1 - 8
Hear the right, O LORD, attend unto my cry, give ear unto my prayer, that goeth not out of feigned lips. Let my sentence come forth from thy presence; let thine eyes behold the things that are equal. Thou hast proved mine heart; thou hast visited me in the night; thou hast tried me, and shalt find nothing; I am purposed that my mouth shall not transgress. Concerning the works of men, by the word of thy lips I have kept me from the paths of the destroyer. Hold up my goings in thy paths, that my footsteps slip not. I have called upon thee, for thou wilt hear me, O God: incline thine ear unto me, and hear my speech. Shew thy marvellous lovingkindness, O thou that savest by thy right hand them which put their trust in thee from those that rise up against them. Keep me as the apple of the eye, hide me under the shadow of thy wings.
Monday, September 25, 2006
What to say?
How does one prove they're alive?
During this last week I've been told my church is dead. It seems the person saying it believes that only certain people are dead, but if only certain members of the church are dead doesn't that mean there is some life? Or is this a crazy Terry Schivo case where you're dead but considered alive only by certain technicalities?
The guy that's decided we're dead "tested" us Sunday to see if we're alive and apparently we didn't worship during the song service enough to convince him we were alive.
Thinking back over the service, I honestly don't know what he wanted. And it may be that he'd say I don't know because I'm dead as well. I honestly don't know. I can think of few circumstances in my life that have been more confusing than this one.
It's strange to be told you're dead. And it prompts me to ask, how do I prove I'm alive? I bear fruit. The church is growing, so I would have assumed that constitutes growth, and dead things don't grow anything except mold. But if church growth doesn't constitute life, isn't all other claims to life absolutely subjective?
If I don't raise my hands am I dead? Not necessarily. Almost anyone would tell you that life is on the inside. How would you know if I'm dead or not? What is the scale you're judging me on?
The legalists are almost easier. At least I'm judged on things I can see and know. I know if they're mad because my hair is short or my ears are pierced. How on earth can I please someone that judges the actions on my heart?
Paul states that he was all things to all people and I want to imitate that. But it's certainly difficult when it is my heart and very salvation that is being judged. In the confusion of my mind right now, that leads me down yet another path I'm asking are the living dead saved? If our church is full of dead people, does that mean he's judged those people to be unsaved?
While testing us did he look into the room and see something that proved we were all damned to hell because of the hardness of our hearts? Surely spiritually dead people can't have Christ in their hearts.
I can't imagine how someone could look at these people that I love so dearly and see death. I see problems, and humanity, I see pride and selfishness. But in all that I see people that I could call when things got tough. I see simple people that accept me as I am, without the necessity that my sink be empty of dirty dishes, or that my floor be vacuumed. While I know those things don't make them saved, the sins I see in their lives don't necessarily make them unsaved.
There's a part of me that wonders if the problem lies with the person that thinks they're all dead. Would they have come up with a different answer to "what must I do to be saved?". But at the same time I ache for that person. If you can't see Christ all around you, then you generally don't see Him hardly anywhere in this sinful awful world. That might not be the case for him, but it might be. And that's hard to deal with.
Even if I'm dead, I don't want him to feel that way.
During this last week I've been told my church is dead. It seems the person saying it believes that only certain people are dead, but if only certain members of the church are dead doesn't that mean there is some life? Or is this a crazy Terry Schivo case where you're dead but considered alive only by certain technicalities?
The guy that's decided we're dead "tested" us Sunday to see if we're alive and apparently we didn't worship during the song service enough to convince him we were alive.
Thinking back over the service, I honestly don't know what he wanted. And it may be that he'd say I don't know because I'm dead as well. I honestly don't know. I can think of few circumstances in my life that have been more confusing than this one.
It's strange to be told you're dead. And it prompts me to ask, how do I prove I'm alive? I bear fruit. The church is growing, so I would have assumed that constitutes growth, and dead things don't grow anything except mold. But if church growth doesn't constitute life, isn't all other claims to life absolutely subjective?
If I don't raise my hands am I dead? Not necessarily. Almost anyone would tell you that life is on the inside. How would you know if I'm dead or not? What is the scale you're judging me on?
The legalists are almost easier. At least I'm judged on things I can see and know. I know if they're mad because my hair is short or my ears are pierced. How on earth can I please someone that judges the actions on my heart?
Paul states that he was all things to all people and I want to imitate that. But it's certainly difficult when it is my heart and very salvation that is being judged. In the confusion of my mind right now, that leads me down yet another path I'm asking are the living dead saved? If our church is full of dead people, does that mean he's judged those people to be unsaved?
While testing us did he look into the room and see something that proved we were all damned to hell because of the hardness of our hearts? Surely spiritually dead people can't have Christ in their hearts.
I can't imagine how someone could look at these people that I love so dearly and see death. I see problems, and humanity, I see pride and selfishness. But in all that I see people that I could call when things got tough. I see simple people that accept me as I am, without the necessity that my sink be empty of dirty dishes, or that my floor be vacuumed. While I know those things don't make them saved, the sins I see in their lives don't necessarily make them unsaved.
There's a part of me that wonders if the problem lies with the person that thinks they're all dead. Would they have come up with a different answer to "what must I do to be saved?". But at the same time I ache for that person. If you can't see Christ all around you, then you generally don't see Him hardly anywhere in this sinful awful world. That might not be the case for him, but it might be. And that's hard to deal with.
Even if I'm dead, I don't want him to feel that way.
Friday, September 22, 2006
That wasn't what I was thinking.
Isaiah 58:8,9 For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the LORD. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.
Have you ever done exactly what you thought God wanted you to do and ended up looking at a colossal train wreck? You knew you were suppose to do xyz, and so you did. Everything goes along just fine and then suddenly, the next thing you know wham. This person is upset, this person is angry, and this other person is just plain hurt. It doesn't make sense. And you can't imagine what on earth God could have possibly been thinking.
Isaiah 58:8,9 For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the LORD. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.
The hardest part to me, is to not apologize. If God orchestrated the events, then I shouldn't be apologizing for God. But I feel very responsible for the hurt and frustration people are facing because of me doing what I knew to be right.
Isaiah 58:8,9 For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the LORD. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.
All I can see to do is to sit back and simply wait for God. Surely He won't leave us like this. He might though. He promised all things work together for good to them that love God and are called according to His purpose. That doesn't necessarily mean that I'll see it happen. But that it will happen.
Isaiah 58:11 So shall my word be that goeth forth out of my mouth: it shall not return unto me void, but it shall accomplish that which I please, and it shall prosper in the thing whereto I sent it.
Have you ever done exactly what you thought God wanted you to do and ended up looking at a colossal train wreck? You knew you were suppose to do xyz, and so you did. Everything goes along just fine and then suddenly, the next thing you know wham. This person is upset, this person is angry, and this other person is just plain hurt. It doesn't make sense. And you can't imagine what on earth God could have possibly been thinking.
Isaiah 58:8,9 For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the LORD. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.
The hardest part to me, is to not apologize. If God orchestrated the events, then I shouldn't be apologizing for God. But I feel very responsible for the hurt and frustration people are facing because of me doing what I knew to be right.
Isaiah 58:8,9 For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the LORD. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.
All I can see to do is to sit back and simply wait for God. Surely He won't leave us like this. He might though. He promised all things work together for good to them that love God and are called according to His purpose. That doesn't necessarily mean that I'll see it happen. But that it will happen.
Isaiah 58:11 So shall my word be that goeth forth out of my mouth: it shall not return unto me void, but it shall accomplish that which I please, and it shall prosper in the thing whereto I sent it.
Thursday, September 21, 2006
Is it really tradition?
There is a story about a family who always cut meatloaf in half before putting it in the oven. One day a man came over for dinner and being curious he asked why they cut the meatloaf in half before putting it in the oven, is there some secret that helps the meatloaf, wouldn't it cause it to be more dry? The cook of the family said good point and I'm not sure why, I've just always have done it that way and is the way I was taught by my mother.
Later they went to visit great grandma and decided to ask her why she use to cut the meatloaf in half before putting in in the oven and she answered "Because those darn stoves are too small to put the whole thing in at one time, you have to cook half later"
Turned out, the stoves were smaller in the old days.
Moral of the story, tradition is silly if there is no reason behind it - and one should know what that reason is.
So is it a tradition or just the simplest way to do things? And if so, to continue on in the spirit of those who came up with the way to do things, wouldn't you continually be coming up with new ways to do something as better ways become available?
This beings me back to what I was saying a few days ago. With legalism you must be bound or you're not saved. Anti-legalism tells us that with salvation comes freedom.
Matthew chapter 11 verses 28 - 30 read "Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light."
We can go to Him and He will give us rest. The next sentence doesn't come with an "IF". It appears to be entirely optional "Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me". If you take the verses literally, it comes out as
Go to Christ - Find rest.
Take up Christs' yoke, learn of Him and His meek and lowly spirit - Our souls find rest.
I don't want to stray too far off my point by making sure I'm clear about my belief in the two different phrases and their meanings. Technically the main point is in that very last sentence "My yoke is easy, and my burden is light." There is a yoke and a burden. It's up to us whether we take it up or not, but if we're trying to grow and change we should take up His yoke.
At least that's why I'm trying to do. I want to take up my cross.
Later they went to visit great grandma and decided to ask her why she use to cut the meatloaf in half before putting in in the oven and she answered "Because those darn stoves are too small to put the whole thing in at one time, you have to cook half later"
Turned out, the stoves were smaller in the old days.
Moral of the story, tradition is silly if there is no reason behind it - and one should know what that reason is.
So is it a tradition or just the simplest way to do things? And if so, to continue on in the spirit of those who came up with the way to do things, wouldn't you continually be coming up with new ways to do something as better ways become available?
This beings me back to what I was saying a few days ago. With legalism you must be bound or you're not saved. Anti-legalism tells us that with salvation comes freedom.
Matthew chapter 11 verses 28 - 30 read "Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light."
We can go to Him and He will give us rest. The next sentence doesn't come with an "IF". It appears to be entirely optional "Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me". If you take the verses literally, it comes out as
Go to Christ - Find rest.
Take up Christs' yoke, learn of Him and His meek and lowly spirit - Our souls find rest.
I don't want to stray too far off my point by making sure I'm clear about my belief in the two different phrases and their meanings. Technically the main point is in that very last sentence "My yoke is easy, and my burden is light." There is a yoke and a burden. It's up to us whether we take it up or not, but if we're trying to grow and change we should take up His yoke.
At least that's why I'm trying to do. I want to take up my cross.
Wednesday, September 20, 2006
Bridling my tongue
I have been trying stop criticizing people. Not only verbally but in my thoughts. I want to practice a love that sees the person beyond the mistakes. There were words to express what I've been feeling about the situation and was came up with nothing. Then, Keith Brenton over at Blog in myOwn Eye gave me the words. I'm going to post the entire thing here because the importance of the words is especially pressing on me. So read this, but also take time and head to his blog and see some of his other posts. It is worth the trip.
Anyone Can Criticize
It's true.
Any idiot like me can have a free blog. Any doofus with two lips and a voicebox who can form words, can form them into criticism of others.
You don't have to be smart, credentialed, unbiased, logical or even a critical thinker in order to be able to criticize.
You don't have to be willing to spend hours in research, or to write or create or dream or do. You don't have to take the time and engage another person's soul in the fine art of friendly persuasion.
All you have to do is know what you like, and what you don't.
You don't have to have a reason for it.
And if you have one, it doesn't have to make sense to anyone but you.
If that.
I don't even know quite what has suddenly prompted this moment of outrage in my soul - maybe it's cumulative - because nothing has really happened in my life of late to nudge it on.
If anything, it's probably a sudden realization that I spend too much of myself in criticism.
It costs nothing. Requires nothing. Generally yields nothing.
And, yes, I'm even talking about constructive criticism. Not just the so-called kind that sugar-coats pure bile; I mean even the best-hearted, best-intentioned kind of criticism.
What does criticism add to anything? At the same time, what can it destroy?
As a general rule, the characters in the Bible, in literature, and in life whom I've encountered spending a lot of themselves in criticism are not my heroes. They aren't happy people. And they don't add to the joy of others.
As a general rule.
I don't want to be one of those people.
Criticism is judgment expressed, and it can be helpful or harmful or neither, depending on the recipient(s). But because it is expressed, it's relational - and has power. Criticism is the nitroglycerin of relationships. It can heal hearts. It can explode them.
It is best used in very small quantities by people who are keenly conscious of what they are doing.
I beg your forgiveness if I have been uncritically critical, whether harsh in disapproval or lavish in praise or shruggish in my indifference.
What you create in your life before God and others is among you and Him and them.
It's not that I don't appreciate criticism - especially the thoughtful, caring kind. It's that I don't want to need it. I don't want to feel so compelled to give it.
And I sure-as-judgment don't want to abuse it.
Anyone Can Criticize
It's true.
Any idiot like me can have a free blog. Any doofus with two lips and a voicebox who can form words, can form them into criticism of others.
You don't have to be smart, credentialed, unbiased, logical or even a critical thinker in order to be able to criticize.
You don't have to be willing to spend hours in research, or to write or create or dream or do. You don't have to take the time and engage another person's soul in the fine art of friendly persuasion.
All you have to do is know what you like, and what you don't.
You don't have to have a reason for it.
And if you have one, it doesn't have to make sense to anyone but you.
If that.
I don't even know quite what has suddenly prompted this moment of outrage in my soul - maybe it's cumulative - because nothing has really happened in my life of late to nudge it on.
If anything, it's probably a sudden realization that I spend too much of myself in criticism.
It costs nothing. Requires nothing. Generally yields nothing.
And, yes, I'm even talking about constructive criticism. Not just the so-called kind that sugar-coats pure bile; I mean even the best-hearted, best-intentioned kind of criticism.
What does criticism add to anything? At the same time, what can it destroy?
As a general rule, the characters in the Bible, in literature, and in life whom I've encountered spending a lot of themselves in criticism are not my heroes. They aren't happy people. And they don't add to the joy of others.
As a general rule.
I don't want to be one of those people.
Criticism is judgment expressed, and it can be helpful or harmful or neither, depending on the recipient(s). But because it is expressed, it's relational - and has power. Criticism is the nitroglycerin of relationships. It can heal hearts. It can explode them.
It is best used in very small quantities by people who are keenly conscious of what they are doing.
I beg your forgiveness if I have been uncritically critical, whether harsh in disapproval or lavish in praise or shruggish in my indifference.
What you create in your life before God and others is among you and Him and them.
It's not that I don't appreciate criticism - especially the thoughtful, caring kind. It's that I don't want to need it. I don't want to feel so compelled to give it.
And I sure-as-judgment don't want to abuse it.
Tuesday, September 19, 2006
What is important?
I received two interesting responses on my last post that instantly brought a reply to my lips so I'm going to respond in a post rather than a comment (since I'm not sure anyone reads the comments). The ideas presented excite me to no end, and I enjoy a lively *though blogged* conversation so please keep commenting!
In the first comment I read, they said "Seeing as Christ is trying to work on my heart, my mind, when I think I Him I do some more in terms of his spirit not his physical existence. It is the physical part which mankind could and did attack." Isn't this just a perfect statement that shows that it's the physical life that brings mans attention to you? It was the physical part of the man that OneSided mentioned speaking with a soft voice that got peoples attention. Would they have realized the gentle spirit within had he not initially grabbed their attention?
Maybe sacrificing the physical life we'd rather lead for one that draws attention would give us more opportunities to be a witness?
You'll find the opportunities fewer and farther between when you aren't leading a life any different from THEM. You watch the same movies as them, go to the same places as them, the only visible difference between you and them is the fact that on Sundays, while they sleep in you go to church. How does that draw others?
Is there something in todays society that says we can draw others to Christ by being able to connect with them over the latest episode of CSI?
Or is it that we know our loving Saviour offered us life and liberty even if we never win another soul?
If 10 converts were a requirement to get into heaven, wouldn't you be more diligent in witnessing? The sad, sad truth of the matter is that I feel 100% confident of a "yes" answer. Not only for myself, but those around me. We're so busy, so very busy with our tv shows, our friends and our hobbies.
But people are dying every day without a saving knowledge of Christ because we aren't being as diligent as we should.
The 2nd comment mentioned a Pharisee-like attitude, and it made me wonder. Do we run so far from the legalism of doing xyz, that we fail to see that we could do xyz out of a passionate absolute love for Christ? It's legalist to say you must attend church every single week and shouldn't miss. Does that give us the right to sleep in on Sundays? Absolutely. Christ did not promise salvation to those who attended church. BUT, it's the heart that is adoring their Savior that attends church every Sunday without fail because they want to know more, and they want to be with Christian brothers and sisters.
Are we so steeped in legalism and anti-legalism that we fail miserably at simply loving our Savior?
Let me ask you something, when did you last lead someone to the Savior? When did you last plant the seeds of the gospel in someones heart? If you aren't doing those things (most likely because opportunities aren't presenting themselves) doesn't that mean you need to re-evaluate things and figure out a plan as to how to bring those opportunities around? And not because of some bogus legalistic reason, but simply because your heart breaks over the idea of people dying, lost, eternally condemned to be separated from Christ and also eternally condemned to exist in a place of utter torment?
Or is the truth of the matter that we really don't care enough to alter our lifestyle?
In the first comment I read, they said "Seeing as Christ is trying to work on my heart, my mind, when I think I Him I do some more in terms of his spirit not his physical existence. It is the physical part which mankind could and did attack." Isn't this just a perfect statement that shows that it's the physical life that brings mans attention to you? It was the physical part of the man that OneSided mentioned speaking with a soft voice that got peoples attention. Would they have realized the gentle spirit within had he not initially grabbed their attention?
Maybe sacrificing the physical life we'd rather lead for one that draws attention would give us more opportunities to be a witness?
You'll find the opportunities fewer and farther between when you aren't leading a life any different from THEM. You watch the same movies as them, go to the same places as them, the only visible difference between you and them is the fact that on Sundays, while they sleep in you go to church. How does that draw others?
Is there something in todays society that says we can draw others to Christ by being able to connect with them over the latest episode of CSI?
Or is it that we know our loving Saviour offered us life and liberty even if we never win another soul?
If 10 converts were a requirement to get into heaven, wouldn't you be more diligent in witnessing? The sad, sad truth of the matter is that I feel 100% confident of a "yes" answer. Not only for myself, but those around me. We're so busy, so very busy with our tv shows, our friends and our hobbies.
But people are dying every day without a saving knowledge of Christ because we aren't being as diligent as we should.
The 2nd comment mentioned a Pharisee-like attitude, and it made me wonder. Do we run so far from the legalism of doing xyz, that we fail to see that we could do xyz out of a passionate absolute love for Christ? It's legalist to say you must attend church every single week and shouldn't miss. Does that give us the right to sleep in on Sundays? Absolutely. Christ did not promise salvation to those who attended church. BUT, it's the heart that is adoring their Savior that attends church every Sunday without fail because they want to know more, and they want to be with Christian brothers and sisters.
Are we so steeped in legalism and anti-legalism that we fail miserably at simply loving our Savior?
Let me ask you something, when did you last lead someone to the Savior? When did you last plant the seeds of the gospel in someones heart? If you aren't doing those things (most likely because opportunities aren't presenting themselves) doesn't that mean you need to re-evaluate things and figure out a plan as to how to bring those opportunities around? And not because of some bogus legalistic reason, but simply because your heart breaks over the idea of people dying, lost, eternally condemned to be separated from Christ and also eternally condemned to exist in a place of utter torment?
Or is the truth of the matter that we really don't care enough to alter our lifestyle?
Monday, September 18, 2006
A bad thing to do.
It's not a bad thing for everyone to do, but most definitely a bad thing for me to do.
I'm reading a book that challenges the way I live. It teaches poverty and humility, it exemplifies love that covers a multitude of sins as the main character is constantly derided for the way he lives and what he says. This book literally makes me want to move into a tiny town and try to live out the script that has been provided.
The problem?
I've been reading the book that this book was based off of and I never understood the exact same message I just finished reading.
The book Joshua, by Joseph Girzone. It's challenging and humbling at the same time. Imagining Christ living humbly never comes to my mind. I have to admit that I knew He was humble, but imagining Him living humbly hasn't been one of the ways that I generally pictured Him. And it should have been.
How do you picture Christ? How do you see Him responding to insults, and lack of consideration? How do you picture Him interacting day in and day out with His people? We see the big shining moments in the bible, but do we see the tender heart that loved the children and bade them to come to Him? Do we picture the Christ that spoke not "cover-all" words, but words that specifically pierced a heart because Christ knew that person and what words it would take to pierce that heart?
I've always thought it was a shining example when people with visitors would inform their visitors that it was a church day and so they would be going to church. It seems natural and good to show where your priorities lie and what's important to you. But, even now, having said why it seems natural, I wonder at the possible foolishness of even the thought. Aren't our priorities to love? Isn't loving others what's suppose to be important to us?
If Christ had company in his house, would He tell them He could only visit until church time? What would Jesus do? Would Jesus condemn people that smoke? Drink beer? Would Jesus talk sternly to those that don't dress in "church clothes" for church?
Are our minds so full of sins that we have made into sins that we have lost track of Gods love and unending compassion towards us?
So many of us pride ourselves on not being like the Pharisees, and I'm wondering if we're not far more like them than we'd like to think.
Think about your week, what do you have planned? Is it chock full of ways that you are humbly loving and serving? Are you looking forward to the intervals in which you rest (as God desires us to) and enjoy His creation?
Are you existing only for yourself, and just allowing time to pass?
I'm reading a book that challenges the way I live. It teaches poverty and humility, it exemplifies love that covers a multitude of sins as the main character is constantly derided for the way he lives and what he says. This book literally makes me want to move into a tiny town and try to live out the script that has been provided.
The problem?
I've been reading the book that this book was based off of and I never understood the exact same message I just finished reading.
The book Joshua, by Joseph Girzone. It's challenging and humbling at the same time. Imagining Christ living humbly never comes to my mind. I have to admit that I knew He was humble, but imagining Him living humbly hasn't been one of the ways that I generally pictured Him. And it should have been.
How do you picture Christ? How do you see Him responding to insults, and lack of consideration? How do you picture Him interacting day in and day out with His people? We see the big shining moments in the bible, but do we see the tender heart that loved the children and bade them to come to Him? Do we picture the Christ that spoke not "cover-all" words, but words that specifically pierced a heart because Christ knew that person and what words it would take to pierce that heart?
I've always thought it was a shining example when people with visitors would inform their visitors that it was a church day and so they would be going to church. It seems natural and good to show where your priorities lie and what's important to you. But, even now, having said why it seems natural, I wonder at the possible foolishness of even the thought. Aren't our priorities to love? Isn't loving others what's suppose to be important to us?
If Christ had company in his house, would He tell them He could only visit until church time? What would Jesus do? Would Jesus condemn people that smoke? Drink beer? Would Jesus talk sternly to those that don't dress in "church clothes" for church?
Are our minds so full of sins that we have made into sins that we have lost track of Gods love and unending compassion towards us?
So many of us pride ourselves on not being like the Pharisees, and I'm wondering if we're not far more like them than we'd like to think.
Think about your week, what do you have planned? Is it chock full of ways that you are humbly loving and serving? Are you looking forward to the intervals in which you rest (as God desires us to) and enjoy His creation?
Are you existing only for yourself, and just allowing time to pass?
Friday, September 15, 2006
Perfection
Don't allow yourself to get discouraged. Everyone has imperfections. That's the way God made them, and as long as people are striving to love God and care for one another, they are pleasing to God. Perfection is more a process of striving than a state to be attained, so one's perfection is measured not by success in attaining a measurable goal but in attitudes constantly changing to ever more perfectly reflect the mind of God.
From the book Joshua - A parable for today by Joseph F. Girzone
Thursday, September 14, 2006
Renewed energy!
The quick quote I gave you earlier is still working in me. I'm excited to get home and get to work.
I've lately been seeing life as more of a "who can hold out the longest". When I get tired and I know there is a long road ahead of me so much about me changes. I talk less, move less, and when I attack a project it's with quietness and hardly any energy. Even the energy used to get excited takes a lot out of you.
But, with this quote I am reminded of Pauls statement that he has "run the race". There is a race to be run and while it is a marathon rather than a sprint, I need to remember it is a race. I'm pressing towards the prize. I'm not sitting still, I'm working. And I choose -note that word choose- to ride my work as a man rides a great horse; in a spirited and independent way; not a drudge.
Life is exciting, one excitement after another. One of the reasons people ride great horses in a spirited and independent way is because of the immediate feeling you get the moment you are astride that great horse. You're above the world, able to imagine the breeze in your face and the power underneath you.
I need all the reminders I can get to feel that way about God. To feel that passion and freedom, the power the guides me through each and every jump I have to make. I'll never leap over a 4 ft high fence on my own, but through the power of my ride, I'll jump even higher. I'll run farther than I could on my own, and I'll go faster than I could believe.
There is passion and excitement to be found in this life. Not because of anything on earth but because of the one that gets us through this time. Work until He comes, Press onward and fight the good fight. God is giving you eternity and He only wants you to work a scant lifetime until you get there.
Here on earth you work 40 yrs for a 401K that might last you 10. God's program is far better. You can reap eternity whether you've worked 1 day for him or every day of 90 yrs. But don't you want to do something for Him? Or are you content to sit at His table and do nothing.
I'm going to close with something that asks you not about God or the Devil, but about God or Yourself. And pray God forgive me for all the energy I spend serving only me.
Choose you this day whom you will serve.
I've lately been seeing life as more of a "who can hold out the longest". When I get tired and I know there is a long road ahead of me so much about me changes. I talk less, move less, and when I attack a project it's with quietness and hardly any energy. Even the energy used to get excited takes a lot out of you.
But, with this quote I am reminded of Pauls statement that he has "run the race". There is a race to be run and while it is a marathon rather than a sprint, I need to remember it is a race. I'm pressing towards the prize. I'm not sitting still, I'm working. And I choose -note that word choose- to ride my work as a man rides a great horse; in a spirited and independent way; not a drudge.
Life is exciting, one excitement after another. One of the reasons people ride great horses in a spirited and independent way is because of the immediate feeling you get the moment you are astride that great horse. You're above the world, able to imagine the breeze in your face and the power underneath you.
I need all the reminders I can get to feel that way about God. To feel that passion and freedom, the power the guides me through each and every jump I have to make. I'll never leap over a 4 ft high fence on my own, but through the power of my ride, I'll jump even higher. I'll run farther than I could on my own, and I'll go faster than I could believe.
There is passion and excitement to be found in this life. Not because of anything on earth but because of the one that gets us through this time. Work until He comes, Press onward and fight the good fight. God is giving you eternity and He only wants you to work a scant lifetime until you get there.
Here on earth you work 40 yrs for a 401K that might last you 10. God's program is far better. You can reap eternity whether you've worked 1 day for him or every day of 90 yrs. But don't you want to do something for Him? Or are you content to sit at His table and do nothing.
I'm going to close with something that asks you not about God or the Devil, but about God or Yourself. And pray God forgive me for all the energy I spend serving only me.
Choose you this day whom you will serve.
Quick Quote
I get a quote every day through Positive Press. I had to read this through several times for it to sink in. But it caused an immediate attitude adjustment. So, since my momma raised me right... I share. :)
POSITIVE QUOTE OF THE DAY----------
We have worked at full speed since May. And that is I'm persuaded the root and source and origin of all health and happiness, provided of course that one rides work as a man rides a great horse, in a spirited and independent way; not a drudge, but a man with spurs to his heels.
(Writing in her journal about her life as a publisher andwriter.) -- Virginia Woolf (1882-1941) English Writer
POSITIVE QUOTE OF THE DAY----------
We have worked at full speed since May. And that is I'm persuaded the root and source and origin of all health and happiness, provided of course that one rides work as a man rides a great horse, in a spirited and independent way; not a drudge, but a man with spurs to his heels.
(Writing in her journal about her life as a publisher andwriter.) -- Virginia Woolf (1882-1941) English Writer
Wednesday, September 13, 2006
Getting your own way
I type this with a grin stretching my cheeks to an extent that it is actually painful. Yet, nothing I've tried so far can temper this smile.
What makes me so happy?
Not getting my own way.
I've often told people that getting my own way all the time is not nearly as much fun as one might think. I watch only the tv shows I want to watch, I listen only to the types of music I enjoy, and I eat only the things I enjoy eating. Not that I skip veggies, but if you like sauerkraut, and your husband doesn't, I guarantee you even if he isn't forced to eat it the smell is enough to drive him from the home.
So, in the interest of not getting my own way I did something I don't like. While I was at the library last night *something I very much do enjoy* I stopped and looked at their cd's. They happened to have a cd called "Night Jazz", and I've often wondered if maybe, possibly this cd might be good. I've listened to jazz before and just couldn't make sense of it. Music has a rythym to it and, well, jazz doesn't. Except for whoever is that talented guy playing the drums, because while all the other instruments are going absolutely haywire (I'm almost convinced they're still tuning up) the drummer is playing a beat to a real song. And he's doing a difficult job skillfully.
I've made myself listen to the cd 4 times now (it plays as I drive) and quite frankly the sax player sounds more like the teacher in Charlie Brown cartoons than a musician. Then the song with the marimba comes on and literally makes me want to plug my ears.
I've heard jazz is soulful, and emotional and I believe it. Do you remember the last time you had a problem and you started thinking on it? One thought led to another and the next thing you knew so many thoughts were jumbled all over each other until finally with a forceful insistance you tried to just stop thinking about the problem?
Jazz is the music soundtrack to that.
Next time you watch a movie, and the main character is depressed and upset and goes to his darkened apartment, turn up the volume because I can almost guarantee you there's some jazz music playing.
What makes me so happy?
Not getting my own way.
I've often told people that getting my own way all the time is not nearly as much fun as one might think. I watch only the tv shows I want to watch, I listen only to the types of music I enjoy, and I eat only the things I enjoy eating. Not that I skip veggies, but if you like sauerkraut, and your husband doesn't, I guarantee you even if he isn't forced to eat it the smell is enough to drive him from the home.
So, in the interest of not getting my own way I did something I don't like. While I was at the library last night *something I very much do enjoy* I stopped and looked at their cd's. They happened to have a cd called "Night Jazz", and I've often wondered if maybe, possibly this cd might be good. I've listened to jazz before and just couldn't make sense of it. Music has a rythym to it and, well, jazz doesn't. Except for whoever is that talented guy playing the drums, because while all the other instruments are going absolutely haywire (I'm almost convinced they're still tuning up) the drummer is playing a beat to a real song. And he's doing a difficult job skillfully.
I've made myself listen to the cd 4 times now (it plays as I drive) and quite frankly the sax player sounds more like the teacher in Charlie Brown cartoons than a musician. Then the song with the marimba comes on and literally makes me want to plug my ears.
I've heard jazz is soulful, and emotional and I believe it. Do you remember the last time you had a problem and you started thinking on it? One thought led to another and the next thing you knew so many thoughts were jumbled all over each other until finally with a forceful insistance you tried to just stop thinking about the problem?
Jazz is the music soundtrack to that.
Next time you watch a movie, and the main character is depressed and upset and goes to his darkened apartment, turn up the volume because I can almost guarantee you there's some jazz music playing.
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
What's your passion?
It's a serious question. So I want you to think about it.
I almost said it's most easily figured out by where your money goes. But, if that's the case, I'm passionate about getting out of debt. I'm very serious about getting out of debt, but that isn't where my passion is.
It hasn't always been this way, but my passion today lies with God. The direction of my life is solely to please Him.
Don't think I'm boasting, because if you could see how short I'm falling you'd be astounded.
I've realized very recently that I'm always getting into something. Always. Someone else recently commented on it somewhat also. They weren't specific, but it just reminded me again of how I'm always getting into something. As a general rule people don't always understand why I do the things I do though, and that's why I'm grown so adept at simply not telling them.
Through this blog though I've revealed more of it than I should I think. You already know I'm training for foster care, my last post admitted I'd invited a sick older man to live in my home, and before that I was writing about how nervous I was being in charge of feeding 50 people when my sis-in-laws grandmother passed away.
It's only quite suddenly that I've realized, that He's answered my prayer.
So often I've prayed that He would make me a blessing. Not having a family or raising children of my own made me realize that without those connections I could die one day and no one have been the richer for my having lived. So I prayed He'd make me a blessing. That He'd give me opportunities to reach out.
When I told/warned my mom about the offer I'd made to the man that was dying, she said that maybe it would never happen, but that I was just suppose to offer. Someone else just this morning said almost the same thing to me. It made me wonder. How many times have I told God I wouldn't do something, that it was just ludicrous and couldn't be from Him because it was just insane? Could it be that all or some of those times, God was just continually checking to see just how willing a vessel I was?
He never intended Abraham to kill his son. But He always intended Abraham to sacrifice his son. He sacrificed his son the moment he began the trip with his son and every step along the way.
It's with those thoughts that I return to my original question. What is your passion? If your passion is music, as someone that is passionate about music, I can promise you you'll seek it out and find it every day. The same is true for God. If your passion is Christ, you'll find Him in every day of your life. But just as I said with music, you have to seek Him out. You see, even when there is no music around once you have music in you, you will never be without music.
There are many people out there that know how to play an instrument. They may even play with a skill that so few can master. But, not all of those people are musicians. The same it true with Christ. You may speak the religious jargon, and do all the right things better than most, but that doesn't make you a Christian. The bible commands us to "Seek ye first the kingdom of God, and His righteousness".
So I ask you again, what is your passion?
I almost said it's most easily figured out by where your money goes. But, if that's the case, I'm passionate about getting out of debt. I'm very serious about getting out of debt, but that isn't where my passion is.
It hasn't always been this way, but my passion today lies with God. The direction of my life is solely to please Him.
Don't think I'm boasting, because if you could see how short I'm falling you'd be astounded.
I've realized very recently that I'm always getting into something. Always. Someone else recently commented on it somewhat also. They weren't specific, but it just reminded me again of how I'm always getting into something. As a general rule people don't always understand why I do the things I do though, and that's why I'm grown so adept at simply not telling them.
Through this blog though I've revealed more of it than I should I think. You already know I'm training for foster care, my last post admitted I'd invited a sick older man to live in my home, and before that I was writing about how nervous I was being in charge of feeding 50 people when my sis-in-laws grandmother passed away.
It's only quite suddenly that I've realized, that He's answered my prayer.
So often I've prayed that He would make me a blessing. Not having a family or raising children of my own made me realize that without those connections I could die one day and no one have been the richer for my having lived. So I prayed He'd make me a blessing. That He'd give me opportunities to reach out.
When I told/warned my mom about the offer I'd made to the man that was dying, she said that maybe it would never happen, but that I was just suppose to offer. Someone else just this morning said almost the same thing to me. It made me wonder. How many times have I told God I wouldn't do something, that it was just ludicrous and couldn't be from Him because it was just insane? Could it be that all or some of those times, God was just continually checking to see just how willing a vessel I was?
He never intended Abraham to kill his son. But He always intended Abraham to sacrifice his son. He sacrificed his son the moment he began the trip with his son and every step along the way.
It's with those thoughts that I return to my original question. What is your passion? If your passion is music, as someone that is passionate about music, I can promise you you'll seek it out and find it every day. The same is true for God. If your passion is Christ, you'll find Him in every day of your life. But just as I said with music, you have to seek Him out. You see, even when there is no music around once you have music in you, you will never be without music.
There are many people out there that know how to play an instrument. They may even play with a skill that so few can master. But, not all of those people are musicians. The same it true with Christ. You may speak the religious jargon, and do all the right things better than most, but that doesn't make you a Christian. The bible commands us to "Seek ye first the kingdom of God, and His righteousness".
So I ask you again, what is your passion?
Monday, September 11, 2006
Wishes for Paul
I had spent over a year witnessing to Paul, telling him in a thousand different ways that the spirituality he felt and the oneness he felt with nature would not get him into Heaven. Finally about 2 months back he had come to the very end of his rope. I, and several others, had been praying earnestly for him that he would finally see the truth. Once at the end of his rope he caved, saying he wanted what we had, he knew there was something to it. He came together with me and we prayed, he confessed his need for a Savior and asked Christ to forgive him of his sins.
Immediately I felt a strong urge. It couldn't be explained in any other way except that I was certain it was God. This old man, Paul was his real name, was sick. He wasn't physically capable of holding down a job and was too stubborn to go to a hospital. He had no contact with family that we knew of and he was desperately alone. I invited him to live out his days in my home. I was scared, and not even sure he would accept, but I made certain he knew my offer was sincere. I picked a date a few weeks from that day and said if he'd only agree I'd drive out to Arizona (where he's from) and pick him up.
He refused. He said he'd never be able to repay that kind of debt, so he would continue on his own. I received this e-mail just days ago:
I wanted to let you that furr a.k.a Paul who visited #handsaroundtheworld frequently was found dead in his apartment, August 20th. Please keep his family in prayer. Lindy
I can't tell you how many different wishes have gone through my mind since I received this e-mail. The greatest of all my wishes, is a heartbroken wish that this hardened man, so stubborn and prideful, yet so obviously broken and lonely... I just wish he hadn't of been alone.
Immediately I felt a strong urge. It couldn't be explained in any other way except that I was certain it was God. This old man, Paul was his real name, was sick. He wasn't physically capable of holding down a job and was too stubborn to go to a hospital. He had no contact with family that we knew of and he was desperately alone. I invited him to live out his days in my home. I was scared, and not even sure he would accept, but I made certain he knew my offer was sincere. I picked a date a few weeks from that day and said if he'd only agree I'd drive out to Arizona (where he's from) and pick him up.
He refused. He said he'd never be able to repay that kind of debt, so he would continue on his own. I received this e-mail just days ago:
I wanted to let you that furr a.k.a Paul who visited #handsaroundtheworld frequently was found dead in his apartment, August 20th. Please keep his family in prayer. Lindy
I can't tell you how many different wishes have gone through my mind since I received this e-mail. The greatest of all my wishes, is a heartbroken wish that this hardened man, so stubborn and prideful, yet so obviously broken and lonely... I just wish he hadn't of been alone.
Friday, September 08, 2006
Happy anniversary
Hi there
I'm so very pleased to tell you that, as of today, I have been blogging for one year.
My first post Sept 8th 2005, was something along the lines of "I hope I keep this up, but we'll see". I guess I kept it up, huh? :) I spent this week printing out my posts so I would have a hard copy in a folder. While looking at some of the old posts, one thing jumped out at me, I haven't changed too much. Some of the original things I struggled with when I started are things I still post about struggling with now. Not too much has changed, but at the same time so very much has changed.
It has been an amazing year.
I started this blog because my sister-in-law, Glenda, got fired from her job at the church we attended. So because of that, and Gods leading, our entire family left that church. We all ended up splitting apart and attending different churches. After a few months I found "the" church God had for me to attend, but nearly left it because an old man kept being very inappropriate with me, despite his even being married. Thanks to my pastors efforts I stayed, and I was also instrumental in getting my brother and his family to move to my church as well.
In this year I also felt God holding me back from starting foster care, I started on with CASA, finished my CASA case and was released to start the processing for foster care.
I've learned to give God my dreams, watched what He could do with my dreams and which ones He'd ask me to walk away from entirely. I've learned better to trust God and not hold on to my desires so tightly. I still struggle with watching what I say. I've learned to set boundaries and standards that I never even considered setting before, and to my relief I've learned that sometimes if someone is upset with me and my boundaries, that it is their problem and not always my own.
I've enjoyed this year, and certainly enjoyed looking back at my old posts. I know it takes time, and you don't always have something to say, but I'd encourage those not blogging to start. It's a terrific way to look back and definitely a great way to see your growth throughout the year. I want to thank those of you that comment, and those of you that just read. Thanks for putting up with me.
I'd like to leave you with an old post that seems (to me) worth repeating.
Father God, I come before You now, with my heart breaking.
I have no ability to see beyond false smiles, and the superficial "I'm fines"
But Father God, YOU DO. Give me wisdom in my words,
Give me discernment, and perception that could only come from You.
Give Your followers insight to the lost and hurting around them.
All of us. Not just me.
Touch those hurting.
Lead them to those that can point out Your amazing love Lord.
With Your amazing Grace, draw them to Your own Word that will open their eyes to your love for them that came with such a high cost.
Give them hope.
And do whatever it takes to break our hearts for the nation that's lost and hurting around us.
Father, we're so calloused.
So hardened, that we don't see the big picture of those hurting.
Break my heart Father, again and again, until it is raw and tender.
So that I can be sensitive, and my heart will be towards the lost in a more fervent way.
Remind me daily. Of Your lost and dying world.
Touch through ME.
And forgive me for letting worldly, foolish distractions, take my eyes off the lost and dying, the hurting and mourning.
Please Father God, In the precious Holy name of Your Son, Jesus Christ.
Grant me this.
I'm so very pleased to tell you that, as of today, I have been blogging for one year.
My first post Sept 8th 2005, was something along the lines of "I hope I keep this up, but we'll see". I guess I kept it up, huh? :) I spent this week printing out my posts so I would have a hard copy in a folder. While looking at some of the old posts, one thing jumped out at me, I haven't changed too much. Some of the original things I struggled with when I started are things I still post about struggling with now. Not too much has changed, but at the same time so very much has changed.
It has been an amazing year.
I started this blog because my sister-in-law, Glenda, got fired from her job at the church we attended. So because of that, and Gods leading, our entire family left that church. We all ended up splitting apart and attending different churches. After a few months I found "the" church God had for me to attend, but nearly left it because an old man kept being very inappropriate with me, despite his even being married. Thanks to my pastors efforts I stayed, and I was also instrumental in getting my brother and his family to move to my church as well.
In this year I also felt God holding me back from starting foster care, I started on with CASA, finished my CASA case and was released to start the processing for foster care.
I've learned to give God my dreams, watched what He could do with my dreams and which ones He'd ask me to walk away from entirely. I've learned better to trust God and not hold on to my desires so tightly. I still struggle with watching what I say. I've learned to set boundaries and standards that I never even considered setting before, and to my relief I've learned that sometimes if someone is upset with me and my boundaries, that it is their problem and not always my own.
I've enjoyed this year, and certainly enjoyed looking back at my old posts. I know it takes time, and you don't always have something to say, but I'd encourage those not blogging to start. It's a terrific way to look back and definitely a great way to see your growth throughout the year. I want to thank those of you that comment, and those of you that just read. Thanks for putting up with me.
I'd like to leave you with an old post that seems (to me) worth repeating.
Father God, I come before You now, with my heart breaking.
I have no ability to see beyond false smiles, and the superficial "I'm fines"
But Father God, YOU DO. Give me wisdom in my words,
Give me discernment, and perception that could only come from You.
Give Your followers insight to the lost and hurting around them.
All of us. Not just me.
Touch those hurting.
Lead them to those that can point out Your amazing love Lord.
With Your amazing Grace, draw them to Your own Word that will open their eyes to your love for them that came with such a high cost.
Give them hope.
And do whatever it takes to break our hearts for the nation that's lost and hurting around us.
Father, we're so calloused.
So hardened, that we don't see the big picture of those hurting.
Break my heart Father, again and again, until it is raw and tender.
So that I can be sensitive, and my heart will be towards the lost in a more fervent way.
Remind me daily. Of Your lost and dying world.
Touch through ME.
And forgive me for letting worldly, foolish distractions, take my eyes off the lost and dying, the hurting and mourning.
Please Father God, In the precious Holy name of Your Son, Jesus Christ.
Grant me this.
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