I already know my answer. I've come too far to expect it to be all about that. This life is now about something far more important.
I'm moving to San Antonio with my brothers family. June 6th is the official moving date, and as it gets closer all of the loose ends that are seemingly very important (having jobs, having a house) weigh all the more heavily on our minds.
Someone mentioned today that God was going to take us to San Antonio to bless us. And perhaps it's the religion abused side of me that shied away from that but, instantly I reminded that person that Abraham was called away from his home because God intended to bless him. But, at the same time Abraham walked many miles, and endured many troubles, before that blessing came.
And I wondered, if that is what this is all about to some people. Not necessarily just my situation, but situations everywhere - when God leads you into something do you naturally assume it's going to produce an immediate blessing to you?
Here's what I want. I want to go somewhere so that I can be a blessing.
I don't want abundance. The only perk of abundance is that it allows me to do more for others. I get how that sounds - but there is a thrill in being able to help that you don't get from going out to expensive dinners or having a swimming pool in your backyard.
It's a blessing to be a blessing.
Anytime God calls you into something, it is usually about God having something special in mind. But the benefits might not be about you at all. Yes, you'll reap from it, but maybe it's not about you. Maybe it's about someone else entirely and you're just a willing vessel God is going to use to pull it off.
Here is something I had to learn this last year though. Even when God is using you for someone else, even when you're tired and frustrated of trying to be everywhere that everyone needs you to be - God hasn't forgotten about you. He's not so busy using you, that He forgets to take care of you. He's not so busy helping others, that He can't see your needs.
I had yet another reminder again today that my responsibility isn't primarily to take care of myself. God is it. Over me, over my family, over all those people I feel so very responsible for. It's God who is more important. And as long as I remember that, all those other things that I want to make so much more important than Him will be taken care of BY Him.
It sure isn't easy to remember that though. But if you could possibly die like this, it sure is a life worth living.
God, help me be dead again tomorrow.