Friday, May 08, 2009

This is my story.

I've been thinking about "Confess your faults one to another."

Granted, you don't want to just blurt everything out to everyone - but how challenging would it be to sit down in your church building, with the church of God around you, and admit that you'd sinned, and were struggling with a sin and wanted them to pray with you?

Occasionally, someone else will mention that someone is struggling. And we'll all pray.
But never once, have I see someone stand up and say, "Hey, I used to be an alcoholic and I really am struggling to not take a drink lately - please pray!"

Or, "I'm addicted to pornography. I'm trying to beat it, but temptation just overcomes me sometimes, please keep me in prayer."

How about, "I'm a bad steward of my money (or health), and God's been convicting me about it. Please help me pray."

Maybe, "There's a guy/girl at work and I'm struggling to keep my thoughts in check."

We don't have anything like that though. And honestly, I wouldn't feel comfortable in that situation because I might be confessing some serious sin in my life while you pray for me and then you'll "confess" that you haven't been reading your Bible as much as you should.


Excuse me while I roll my eyes.

There's the Christian world out there that just doesn't sin anymore. They apparently never lie. They never struggle with their temper. They never lose control of their tongue. They never act hateful towards their spouse even. God's just good all the time. They've always had a 'fine' week and except for the fact that they aren't reading their bible as much as they should, they're in perfect spiritual condition. :)


Har de har har.

But I know why we smile, why our biggest confessed sins are not even sins at all.

At least I know why mine are.

I don't want to admit my deepest sins even to myself. Much less to you. You won't look at me the same if I told you. You think I'm spiritual now, and if I confess to you, if I actually confess my faults - you'll change how you think of me. Will you still trust me? Will my sins repulse you?

You won't know how to respond.

I wonder though, how you get that. How do you find a segment of believers that confess our faults to one another. We confess faithlessness and hypocrisy, we confess our desires for growth and what we're doing to grow. We talk, curiously and with wonder about what God is taking us into next. And we, for certain, are always attempting to grow.

Just as I said yesterday though, it's my fault that I don't have that right now. Besides my outrageously bad relationship skills, it's entirely up to me to open my mouth and continuously draw others into the conversation that I would like to begin. Until someone else becomes enraptured in the conversation as well.

.... The post stalled here.

When I got stuck I did what I always do. I flipped the laptop shut and I went to my piano. I sat, I played, and prayed and praised. And in the scattered songs I suddenly found myself singing the chorus to "Blessed Assurance." It says: "This is my story, this is my song. Praising my Savior, all the day long."

And the thought came to me that when we fail to confess our sins, we're hiding away our story. I didn't read you the chapter where I struggled with lying, or where rage controlled me. I skipped whole chunks of my story where internet pornography was an issue for me and somehow God helped me past it. I barely even summarized the 18 chapters where I played the hypocrite.

Those are the chapters that leave me praising God "all the day long." Those chapters. I can tell you I was lost but now I'm found. But that pathetic statement is like saying September 11th, 2001 was the day a couple of buildings fell down. It doesn't tell you what happened.

When you confess your sins, who you really are, who you have been, and who you never want to be again, you're letting people read the story as it happens. So tomorrow, when you're "praising your Savior all the day long." They'll be in awe and wonder too.

Find it. Maybe just get a blog and start writing it if you have to. Twitter it. Facebook it. Myspace it. The world is full of stories, but the most amazing ones are hidden behind shame and pride. Those are the ones that give God glory though. And what do you have to be proud about... you're dead right?

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