Monday, August 25, 2008

Foster Parenting

So, this weekend I turned around and discovered, much to my surprise, a good sized wad of poop lying on the floor. I feel the need to state that it was fresh... it's not like guests walk in and randomly find these little presents. It is one of those things that I'm assuming most people that have toddlers can find themselves nodding in complete understanding.
It's one of those memories though, that once the clean up is done it leaves you chuckling with the strange twists a day can take.
As I grabbed some cleaning supplies though, the song "One day at a time" came to mind.
One day at a time sweet Jesus
That's all I'm asking from you
Give me the strength to do every day
What I have to do

Then tonight, CPS came into my house and said a word that for this entire placement - 43 days- they hadn't mentioned. Prior to tonight, I felt safe. I imagined my awesome Bell being here for quite some time.
Tonight they said she could be gone in 30 days. Possibly less.

I have a lot of thoughts running through my head. Today, a Monday was a crazy busy day at work, mental scheduling to 20 new hires, timesheets, overdue timesheet reports, audits, 2 checklists that need to be done, 1 huge list that needs to be done ASAP, dinner for Bell that won't upset her stomach, school supplies since daycare gave me a new list, oh, laundry, where's that blanket? when's this next appt.?cps comes tonight when does arrow come next? do I have arrows reports done? training hrs, I bet I need to get in for infant cpr/first aid soon....

I almost can't control those thoughts. They just burst through every moment of every day. And those are the easy ones. Yet when Ms. CPS said her magic little word - every thought came crashing to a stop. Every ounce of my attention focused in that moment. It's funny how someone can sit on your chest, without ever touching you.

Every night, praying with Bell before bedtime, we pray, fervently that Gods will would be done in her life, and her situation. His perfect will, done on earth as it would be in done in Heaven.
It was harder to pray that tonight. It just took me by surprise.
It's the nature of the work though.
Smile, love with everything you've got, and pray God's perfect will anyway. No matter where it leads you.

We finished up bedtime prayers and I went about all the crazy little chores that get done after she's off to bed and then, out of nowhere, the rest of the song came to mind -
Yesterday's gone, sweet Jesus,
And tomorrow may never be mine.
Help me today,
Show me the way
One day at a time

I've got a good God. He sees little Bell, beautiful, smiling, happy Bell. I wish I could show you my favorite picture of her, so you could see this gorgeous smile. As much as I've claimed her, and she was very easy to claim, oh so easy to claim, and love, and cherish, she's never been mine. Only Gods. He will not abandon His girl now. Whether I've got her or not.

Jesus here's another child to hold
Keep this child safe and warm
This world can be so cold.
Take this child in Your arms,
And never let her go -
Jesus here's another child
Jesus, here's my precious child,
Jesus here's another child to hold.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

it is not easy to be a parent.

foster, step, birth, adopted, or what ever one calls it.

loving and caring and letting go.

it is very bitter sweet.

God's Love to you.