We're too polite a society to throw Jonah overboard now days. Today, the entire ship and it's occupants would sink and Jonah, if he tried to jump, would be classified as suicidal and delusional and would be mechanically restrained for his own safety.
Because it's just not right to throw Jonah overboard.
But God doesn't feel that way.
Today, our church service saw two of it's best services in a long time. And I just can't help but wonder, if it's because I'm climbing to the ledge of the ship. I haven't hit the water yet... so I could try and tell myself that these are the types of miracles it would take to get me to stay, but I can't help feeling that this is the power that is going to come to these people once I've jumped.
I've got to tell you, being Jonah, feeling like the ship might sink because of you if you don't get off... it's not pleasant. But I enjoyed every minute of the services today, and I found myself saying "God?? why can't we do this all the time, and why can't I stay?"
But if this is what is in store for my family, these people that I really do love, I don't even want to stay till the end of the month. Give it to them now God. Let me get out of the way, and give them what You've got planned.
The last time I was gone for a few weeks, right after Little One was returned to her family, they also enjoyed a terrific service when a visiting group came to minister. I could be all noble and happy, but I guess I'm a bit like the Jonah that came out in the last chapter of his book. Sometimes I just want to sit under a tree and sulk.
At the same time, something that I'm clutching at as my heart breaks at the thought of leaving and going into the unknown, is that Jonah didn't jump off the ship and die. God had a plan for Jonah, a strange, crazy plan that people can hardly believe is literally true and not just metaphorical.
I'm self-centered, very much so. But very often I find myself looking at someone elses awesome plan and saying "Ok God, but what's my plan?" I want to know He's got a plan for me. That He's going to feed me too, and encourage me. That I'm not the only person like me on earth, but there's a people somewhere, that I can fellowship with and belong.
God just give me the strength to jump overboard.
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5 comments:
Jeanette,
You know I don't read this very often. Mostly when it catches in my address thing. But if you do leave I pray that you find what you are searching for and most importantly what God has planned for you. I know that you do not feel the church worships the way you want them too or feel they need too. Although I have to say for me my worship experience has always been wonderful I guess it's all in how you look at it. So I hope that where ever God leads you is more to your liking and you will there feel happier. You have been a great blessing and a wonderful friend and will be truly missed. Know that we will all be praying for you. I do hope that God leads you back to our church doors soon.
Kristi
ha it sounds like i'll never talk to you again but you can't get away from me that easily ;P
hi jeanette,
i think that i have some understanding about your calling to go. and even though you know that you do not completely understand why, i think that you will be led by God in Jesus.
i pray that you will cling to Jesus and that He will supply you with His Joy and Peace and Strentgh.
Lots of Love,
nancy
ok so my address thing caught you again but I think it's a good thing. When I posted to this last night it was late and you've had plenty of my late night ramblings to know how that goes. I should learn my lesson about writing after midnight :P Anyway, that didn't sound how I wanted it too. It was suppose to go along the lines of everyone is different and what works for one may not work for others. My main prayer and hope is for you to find happiness and peace no matter where God may lead you. Hopefully it will not be far!
Kristi,
I know exactly what you mean.
Thanks for commenting. It means more to me than you know to have people I love reading my blog, being interested.
So when your address thingy catches, just know I'm pleased. :)
Nancy, thanks for your comment. I really believe that He will, that He has begun supplying me with what I'll need to make this journey, and that He's working something great.
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