Every day.... every day.... it just gets better.
I wish I could really describe for you the difference. As much as one month ago, there was so little hope, what hope there was it was forced, efforted. Church, life, living, loving, believing, ... everything, every bit of life was drained by disappointment, discouragement, hopelessness.
To go from that, to sitting here feeling the beginnings of that old passion and excitement burgeoning again. And it's in those moments when I'm just sitting and breathing, thanking God that whatever was holding onto me is gone, that I wonder what on earth has taken place.
July 24th, 2007 I wrote a breakthrough post. At least it was a breakthrough post for me. It was the first in a couple of posts called "Trouble the waters". God did something that week for me, and I fully, and wholeheartedly agreed with what He was speaking about troubling the waters - (in case you didn't go back and read the post, the troubled waters reference is to the pool of Bethesda where the sick folks waited by the pool for the Angel to trouble the waters, at which point the first one in would be healed of whatever afflicted them.)
July 24th, 2008 I wrote a relieved post titled "Something IS Giving". And that was the first in what I hope will be a long line of 'coming back' posts. As I try and find my footing again as the ground becomes more and more firm beneath my feet - finally.
What a difference a year makes.
But still... I don't want to go back to the passion and excitement I had experienced before and just embrace that. I want to dig even deeper. Because there's something incredible out there that I want more of.
I've listened to a lot of lies this past few months. A lot. And I just didn't have the strength to disbelieve them. And it cost me. But here's where it takes me now.
...I don't know how many people this applies to, but just because of how I was raised, I've grown up believing that Christians shouldn't make mistakes. Mistakes are punished. And if you don't come up to snuff, you're an object of shame.
If there was ever a time that I didn't come up to snuff, it was in the last year. And now, in this - finally new - moment, I'm holding onto grace. And that's never something that I would have said before. Sure, it's one of those things that all Christians probably say - but it wasn't a concept I really held onto.
And now, it's really all that I've got to hold on to. It's not about my works anymore, I can stop trying to boast. It's not about my passion, or faith - because for a year I was losing all of that. And yet still, He held onto me.
It's all about Grace.
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5 comments:
hi sister,
it really is wonderful, God's grace.
This is not an endorsement, just passing along something you may find interesting:
The Voice of Grace
Hoping the path is nothing but brighter for you, blessings.
Hi Nancy, - thank you for always staying in touch. Your blog is a perfect example of my post - simple, and perfect - just grace.
SLW, thanks for commenting. I've missed you around these parts.
I read the post. What she says rubs completely against my grain! I'll take some time tonight and see if I can find out if I'm misinterpreting the scriptures I'm thinking of.
Off the cuff, Holiness, personal holiness, seems like a great thing. It's just her raising in a 'holiness' church - those churches seem to do things backwards. Works, equal holiness. Whereas, I believe Gods plan has it reversed, holiness spawns works.
It is food for thought, and very interesting.
Thanks for the link!
She gets a little radical with grace from time to time, but I didn't want to highlight just that latest entry (I can't say I track with that one either), but really, the history of all she's published. Explore her site a bit, you may find something interesting.
I've been lurking, and praying, even if quiet.
God bless.
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